when did you know whether you'd have/try to have a 3rd child?

[stinkypants]

since having ds2 (recently!) i'm constantly weighing up whether we'll eventually have a 3rd child. it keeps me awake at night! how do you know? is it great having 3 (or more?)are you glad you stuck at 2?

I always knew I wanted three too. I wanted a bit of a bigger gap than with the first two (2.1 years). When DC3 is born DS1 will be almost 5, DC2 will be 2.10. But we'll also have a p/t nanny to help as well.

I remember around this time after my first child asking my husband 'how do you know when to stop having children?' It frightened the life out of him! After my 2nd, who I knew would be my last, I also felt broody and felt I could go on and on, even if nature wouldn't let me!

Give yourself time, enjoy this one, and when life has settled down you'll know what to do I'm sure.

DP and I always said 2,had our 2 dd's, we weren't even bothered about a boy.

DD2's labour was very tricky and I was getting wheeled to theatre a doctor smiled and said no more babies for you! Being high on gas and air at the time I just nodded.

When I woke up hours later and was informed that they luckily didn't have to perform hysterectomy I decided it was a sign and I'd have a 3rd.

DP went to docs when DD2 was weeks old to book in for the snip. DD2 is now 8 months and he still hasn't had an appointment through. Another sign??

Just need to convince DP now! :)

Don't believe in signs. Do you want one or not?

no i'm the same really, i dont think there are signs and i dont really think there is a right or wrong decision... i just dont know what the decision is!
again today i am on the 'stick at 2' end of the pendulum, as i've had a rotten couple of days and feel i am struggling to do a good job with 2, let alone 3! at least with 2 i feel i can do a reasonable job without being a total stresshead, i'm a bit prone to stressing so it might be an easier life for all concerned if we stick with 2.
anyway i will not be doing anything for 2 years at least, will just relax and enjoy my gorgeous boys for now :)

No, have 2 of same sex and feel complete with our little family. Is just right in so many ways, for us.

I do occasionally look at babies, and think ah... but it's not about a baby but a toddler/child/pre-teen/teen/adult!

I had a weird moment of euphoria when DD was around 6 weeks old and I totally got how people only had a years gap between children

However, it soon past after 7 months of sleep deprivation

The practicalities of having a third put me off - new car etc

Also, I can sort of see in the next couple of years having some time for myself and maybe even a bit of money to spend on myself rather than childcare and bills

DS is 4 and DD is 1 BTW

monkeysee this is my thinking too, I'd definitely have a larger age gap but by then we'd be through with bottles/nappies etc so would I want to go back to that?

I think I would love another one. DP not sure and doesn't want a huge age gap but thinks a similar age gap would be too risky! Stinkypants it is difficult isn't it?

yep, it sure is. yes, the same things put me off... i get in a stress getting 2 children into coats, hats, car seats, etc. i absolutely love being able to read my ds1 several bedtime stories and give him a lovely bit of 1-1 time, and know i will manage this with 2. i'm sure people with 3 or more do as well, but maybe they are just lovely selfless people who dont mind having no evening left by the end of bedtimes!! or maybe you just get quicker / more efficient.
oh but i know i'd love it really (:
he he.
we'll see.

stinkypants I still vividly remember lying there next to my DS2 in hospital when he was brand new, thinking "oh my god he is so gorgeous, this is the best feeling in the world, I have to do it again." And for the early months I kept thinking about it, wondering what the right timing would be, how soon we could go for it etc.

Anyway, then life got lots more complicated with DS2, he was a much much more difficult baby than DS1 and for a long while I was then thinking "I absolutely cannot go through this again." I knew I couldn't cope with it again myself, and it wouldn't be fair on the other two not to be able to give them everything they need.

Now DS2 is 2 and everything is much better, they get along brilliantly most of the time, and I find myself picturing a 3rd one there and thinking how lovely that could be. DP is keen and I'm nearly persuaded. But it would be hard going back to the beginning now. After that awful time we had it is such a pleasure to feel normal again, to go on family outings and have a lovely time together, go out on my own with my friends again, even going to work and feeling like i've actually done a half decent job. Do I really want to risk losing all that again and turning the whole family's lives upside down.

Yet the hormones seem to be calling and I am pretty sure we'll end up giving it a try, Enjoy your boys. 2 little boys are fab

Hi Stickypants, you sound a bit like me!

I have two boys (5 and 2) and have obsessed since having the second about whether to have another one.

I am pretty much decided on sticking with two because I think that I might just turn into a completely stressy mother with three. I am confident I can be a great mother to two children, but am really not sure how good a mother I would be to three, with all the logistics and the increased noise and more sleep deprivation and more crying etc!

Having said that, I do still feel sad that I will only have two and wish I felt more capable and able to have three. I hope that these feelings are going to fade with time.

I have two boys and although DS2 has been amazing experience since his birth (in contrast to DS1), I will happily stick to two. The same as kitpuss, I enjoy having two but with three I might just turn into a hellish mother. I'd rather not. I feel complete.

I could have written your post.

DD2 is 21 weeks, I was obsessed with talking about trying for a third when she was around 3 months old. BUt I remmeber being incredibly broody when DD1 was 3 months old as well.

I am still totally undecided, the only thing I know is that I don't want to say never, but I definitely don't want a third any time soon.

I was 31 when DD2 was born so feel I still have a bit of time on my side for a bigger age gap.

I do find having two of the same sex confuses things for me though. Do I want another in the hope of it being a boy? Considering I wanted girls it's a really weird feeling. One thing is for sure, unless I can be absolutely certain that my reason for having a third isn't to hope for a boy, then I won't have one at all.

I have 4, down to circumstance more than anything else and they are lovely of course they are. BUT I will be advising mine to have 2, the whole world is geared towards 2 adults and 2 children.
We are also lucky in that I saved a lot before I had children but financially the third is a huge step.

I got like this when I was pregnant with DD2!

I had DH driven demented.

We had had two not-very planned pregnancies and I just got obsessed with knowing how many more times we were going to be doing it.

This was not helped by DH's stock answer to my enquiries of how many children he wanted - NONE :o

Over the pregnancy and the next 8 or so months we came to an agreement that we would try for DC3 at some point next year (and be open to DC4, but DH only wants that if gap not too big and I think I'll need a bit of a break after 4)

I've returned to work recently and had some health problems, so actually have completely stopped thinking about it, although have started taking folic acid for the first time ever when not pregnant.

I would LOVE to have a boy. But my girls are so great that I know if I had 3 girls I'd be just as delighted.

I had one of each and was happy with that. I had a happy accident and got pregnant straight away with my third, so the decision was then taken out of my hands. Really glad things turned out the way they did. I love having 3. It was hard to begin with as there is only 9 months and 17 days between my youngest two but it's all worked out fine. I think if you think about it too much you find more cons than pros. Definitely no more for me! DH was frog-marched down to the hospital for a vasectomy when our youngest was 6 months old!

my dh only wanted 2, and I tried to put aside the idea of a third for a long time...the feelings wouldnt go away, and eventually I talked him into it! I have a 5 year gap between DS2 and my DD, but it is wonderful, and I finally have stopped feeling broody!

I have DD's 2yrs and 6mths. I have found myself packing away the newborn stuff 'for next time'!

DH hasnt said No and I think is coming round to the Idea but has said he would prefer a slightly bigger age gap this time.
Part of me would happily get pregnant now but the logistics of coping with 3 so young does make me waiver abit.

if packing away the baby stuff and maternity clothes is a sign, yep, they've all gone in the loft....!!

I've always imagined myself with 3. I currently have 2 children with my youngest now 2 and i often feel really really broody but DH has said no. He says he's happy with the 2 we have and wants to be able to enjoy them and completely understand where he's coming from but i really worry i'll regret the child i may never have. I'm in such a quandry really. Practicality wise, having 3 does make it trickier and one of my 2 would have to share a bedroom and then theres the car problem etc and i'm not getting any younger but i can't get away from the fact that i don't feel like my family is complete yet. I'm quite a big believer in fate and if i'm meant to have a 3rd then i will and vice versa.

yep, that sounds just like me - i just know i'd regret it if i didn't - but then i am so grateful to have got two amazing, perfect little boys, i don't want to push my luck by being greedy and then find it too hard, or risk complications becuase of my age.
depends whether i follow my heart or my head, ultimately.

Follow your heart! I think I would only have had one if I'd have followed my head!

Stinkypants! Your deliberation is me! I have 2 gorgeous boys aged 8 & 3, but I so want another! My youngest son starts school in September & I will have 3 days a week to myself & the thought of it scares me silly....As soon as my children were born I was thinking about how many children we would have. The practicalities of 3 such as cars, holidays etc are a bit daunting....talking of signs, my boys have requested to share a bedroom, they get on really well & they have said they want to share a room....sign? maybe? Im 32 & would hate in a few years to regret not having my 3rd baby. On the other side, im studying for an OU degree and now could be the time to finish my degree & start teaching which I have wanted to do for years....confused!