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parents of 11/12 year old boys!

6 replies

justalittlehelp · 25/11/2010 17:18

Hi
My son has just started high school and has gone to a school where only a couple of his friends have gone. This is because we were out of the catchment area of his primary school and our closest secondary school is a much better school than the 'follow on' school to the primary.

Am just wondering what other parents do with regards to new friends? DS started high school just hanging out at school with the couple of kids he knew from his old school but now has made a few new friends but they live nowhere near us (school has a huge spaced out catchment area). DS is 11 and has never really been out on his own out of school (is this very unusual?) DH thinks he should be out with his mates but he does swimming/scouts/orchestra at night and often stays with relatives (cousins his own age) at weekends, he also has a step brother who stays of similar age, and 2 younger brothers so he's not lonely as such.

He is a very studious lad and loves just staying in on the computer or reading but DH has worried me that he never goes out with his mates? How would I even go about organising something like that? Primary school is so much easier when you know all the parents and see them in the playground! DS2 has his best mate living across the road and lots of playdate invites to go it but DS1 is really lacking in that department. DSS of similar age has regular sleepovers and is never in the house, he is always out and about. All kids are different though, right??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MaudOHara · 25/11/2010 20:58

All kids are different and if he's happy then I wouldn't worry too much - his life certainly sounds full.

I've found that they all tend to have mobiles / MSN / xbox live to keep in touch - I did ask DS if he wanted to invite round but he's not that bothered as he has lots of other stuff going on that I think he enjoys the time to chill.

From DS primary it was the norm that the DC didn't seem to go off much without parents, however on MN it seems the norm that DC go out and about without an adult from Y5 onwards

TheNextMrsDepp · 25/11/2010 21:04

He's barely done a term, give the lad a chance!

To be honest, you have years ahead of you worrying where he is / who he's out with, I wouldn't force things at this stage, just let things progress naturally. He'll start to get more independent in time.

Many kids are getting themselves to senior school (buses etc), so it follows that they become more independent and learn to look after themselves, no longer relying on mum's taxi.

Like you say, he's a busy lad and not lonely.

Ingles2 · 25/11/2010 21:17

All kids are different and your ds is just fine imo.
Has he actually asked for sleepovers or to be able to pop round to friends easily? If not, then it probably doesn't even occur to him.
That said, I have the same worries as you.
I have a yr 6 11yr old and a yr 5, 9. Because we live in an isolated rural area they don't do anything without planning. They have no independence at all and that really worries me. My 11 yr old will be travelling an hour each way to school come next September. God knows how he'll manage, he's not even crossed a road alone yet. Blush

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bruffin · 25/11/2010 21:22

My Ds was similar at that age. He is 15 now and everything changed this year and is out all the time. I was worried a bit but so many people said that it is not until yr 9 that some children really find their social group that they are really comfortable, and it was right about Ds.

justalittlehelp · 25/11/2010 21:51

thank you all, I feel a lot better now. He never mentions going out or having people round, he chats about lads at school but never about seeing them out of school. This whole secondary school thing is a whole new world to me!

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onceamai · 25/11/2010 23:15

He sounds fine to me and from about 11 they have fewer friends round anyway.

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