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Terrible problems with ds desperate

11 replies

selphy · 25/11/2010 11:11

I have posted about dsaged 9 on here before hating his school and not wanting to go.
He moved to this school in year 3 away from old mates at infant school his old infant school mates went to the juniors that is federated with his old infant school..
He has kept in touch with a few of these old friends and has spoke constantly about wanting to join them at this school they are at now. I know his misses them terribly but the move became necessary due to our work commitments.
In the last so many weeks there has been a big change in ds he is so unhappy at school and he keeps complaining of feeling sick and he is blaming the smell from the kitchen at school he has also developed issues with a best friend who he now hates and is worrying about that.
Today it was a battle to get him out of bed for school aid he was worried about the smell from the school kitchen and also about this friend getting him into trouble.
He is pleading to move to the other school with old friends.
I don,t think he is being bullied or anything.
Today it was a special assembly and the school assembly hall is near the school kitchen I went to watch and it was horrendous as I could see just inside the door weere the children were coming through that they were having problems with ds he would not come in and was almost crying. I went over and asked the teacher if I could have a word with her at the end.
I didn,t get a chance to speak to her but the school office have passed a message over to her to phone me today.
Soh how the hell do I deal with this and what do you think is wrong with ds.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
selphy · 25/11/2010 11:17

Anyone please

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Alwaysintrouble · 25/11/2010 11:24

Tbh I'd move schools again. Are there any other schools nearby?Dd has had the same probs and a change in school has had an astounding effect. Really make an effort with playdates and sleepovers. I know they can be tiring and annoying, but they can work wonders. Is there no way in the world he can go to the old school? We have an hour commute to school and I have a 3/4 hour commute to get from there to work, it's a real faff, but worth it just to see dd happy.

fatsatsuma · 25/11/2010 11:27

Hi selphy. So sorry your DS is so unhappy, and it must be very upsetting for you too.

Your first step should be a really good chat with his teacher. You and she need to work together to find out what's really bothering him, and how to help him feel more settled at school.

Secondly, are there any other children in his class apart from the 'best friend' who you could help him to get to know, by inviting them round to play/for tea?

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fatsatsuma · 25/11/2010 11:29

I would have thought that another move would be even more unsettling for him, but agree with making a big effort re playdates etc.

selphy · 25/11/2010 11:33

I have invited other children around and although I think ds has got friends at this school they are not as close to him as his old mates were.
Not sure what to make of his teacher she is new very young and looked very put out this morning.
I also find the playdate thing at this school quite hard work with some of the parents.

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Hullygully · 25/11/2010 11:34

I'd say bollocks to it and move him.

selphy · 25/11/2010 11:35

Thats how I feel Hullygully

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selphy · 25/11/2010 11:38

It is possible for us to take him to the other school despite it been a pain for dh and me getting to and from there.
However if it makes ds much happier I am happy to do it.

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Onetoomanycornettos · 26/11/2010 12:29

If you have the chance to move him back, I would as he is clearly not enjoying the move and although he will settle eventually, it's quite traumatic if there's a relatively easy solution. It would be different if you coudn't take him back there and I would give different advice, but if you can, it would be for the best I think.

togarama · 26/11/2010 13:37

I started a new school away from primary school friends when I was around your son's age and was extremely miserable for the first 6 months. This included not wanting to get up for school, feeling ill, begging my parents to let me change to the same school as my old friends etc..

My parents gently but firmly refused, telling me that there was no guarantee I would like the other school either and that I could still see my old friends without being at the same school.

It was hard and I was very unhappy. However, in retrospect, I think they made the right decision.

The school I went to was a better school and gave me more opportunities than I would have had at the other school. I know now from my old friends that bullying and drug-taking were common at that school whereas they were rare at my school. I was also forced to make an effort to maintain contact with my old friends through letters and telephone in a way which served me well for professional networking in later life (I was quite introverted and this didn't come naturally). I'm still in touch with my closest primary school friends today.

Most importantly, I learned that I was largely responsible for my own happiness and it didn't depend on being in a certain place with certain people.

So, my experience was that, as long as there's no direct cause (bullying, victimisation by a teacher etc..) eventually the unhappiness goes away.

wannabeglam · 26/11/2010 13:59

Is the reason he's in this school purely to do with being easier for you and DH? Or is it a better school? If you like the other school then I think I'd put up with a bit of inconvenience and move him.

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