Is my two year old dropping his nap? Will it ever come back?!

[starsareshining]

Over the past month or so, I've noticed my son's behaviour going downhill and it was a real surprise to me (I started a thread about this the other day 'I don't know how to cope with my son anymore'). I've since been more firm, consistent and had a more structured style of discipline, which seems to have really improved things. I also realised that he's had a cold and has back teeth coming through. How long does it usually take for that to stop hurting? Did you notice that the behaviour of your toddlers went downhill when they were teething?

Anyway, all of this has happened at the same time as him suddenly dropping his nap. I don't know whether he's really dropped his nap or was just playing up/feeling ill. He doesn't seem to be in any pain today and still won't have his nap. I managed to convince him to go upstairs and tried a few things, but he is adamant that he doesn't like his bed and wants to come downstairs. He fell asleep on my lap during the second day of this, but he did have a pretty bad cold at the time.

I'm just quite worried about his nap disappearing because it's been keeping me sane! Would I have to bring his bedtime forward now? I'm worried about this because a lot of things will be thrown out of whack if I bring his bedtime forward. I don't know when he'd be able to see his dad anymore. He currently goes to bed at eight and, without having a nap, I really have very little time to myself. I'm so tired by about 9 o'clock that I struggle to get up from the settee. I've recently enquired about putting him into a pre-school group for a few mornings a week in January, when he'll be three, but this isn't guaranteed. Did any of your children temporarily drop their nap but then start napping again once they started nursery/playgroup? And does this sound like normal nap dropping behaviour? I was expecting it to happen more gradually.

Thanks!

All I can tell you is from my own experience with dd.

She'll be 3 in December, but back in June, it started to get harder and harder to put her down to sleep in the afternoons, and it started to get later and later.

Eventually, I tried a day with no sleep. Granted, she was exhausted by 5 or 6 p.m. but I managed to keep her awake till 7, then she went to bed.

Over a period of about two weeks, the naps were completely dropped and she started to manage the whole day perfectly well without a sleep in the middle of it.

I felt like you, in that I needed that time in the middle of the day when she was asleep. But the upside of them dropping their afternoon nap is that they go to bed earlier and so you get more time in the evening.

I understand that you're worried about when he'll see his father, but I think this is just how life is in the UK at least.

What you can do is tell your son that it's ok if he doesn't want to sleep, but that it's 'quiet time'. My dd was very good about this and actually sat and did drawing or looked at her books while I sat and read the newspaper or a magazine with a cup of tea....

In my experience it won't come back. Even starting nursery or school would never bring back a day time nap, just make them ready for bed earlier.
DS2 never napped after he was 14 months no matter how hard I tried. He would be ready for bed by 6pm and I would spin him out as long as possible, 6.30 or 7 if I was lucky.

8pm sounds very late to me for a 2 year old bedtime, no wonder he is grumpy.
I think you should consider a much earlier bed time (6.30?)until he gets used to losing the nap.

Argh. Really gutted that the nap won't come back. And it really isn't as easy as me just changing his bedtime. I didn't mean that he won't see his dad before he goes to bed. We are not a couple so we have to sort of schedule visits. He doesn't get back from work til 6 and can only see him on weeknights. He still lives with his mom, but my son isn't allowed to go there, so he has to take him to his dad's house. His dad can only do that on certain nights and it means that he only sees him for four hours a week. I really don't know how to get around that.

It also messes up going shopping. The cheapest shop isn't very near, so I go when my parents do as they have a car. This means that I don't get back til about half past 8. How do people get around these problems?

Thanks :)

I really feel for you. I think my 2.4yr old DD is dropping her nap. For the last 2 days she's taken ages and ages to fall asleep, she just sings and talks to herself then starts making her falling asleep noises and then starts singing again! Fortunately she's still in a cot so i've just left her and she's eventually gone to sleep although today she's still going after an hour (i live abroad so it's afternoon here now!). I've got a 3yr 10 month old DS and he still naps so i would prefer her to continue to nap too as i don't think i'll get him to nap if he knows his sister isn't going to. She really needs it too as come 1pm she's just so over emotional and just cries over the slightest thing - nightmare!

I've not got much suggestion on what to do with your xp, i think you will just have to talk to him about it and try to come to some solution with him. It's not your fault it's just one of those things that was going to happen eventually. Could he see your ds at the weekends instead and have him for longer then?

Dd dropped hers at 2.2mths. (I had noticed that she was awake for ages at night before dropping off so I nixed the nap) Yes, it hursts (for us ) but it's way preferable than having them awake at 10pm which is what I was getting!

The behaviour thing has probably gone downhill because he's been feeling abit poorly. Currently got dd off school with bad cold/throat/temp and she's been a bleep for about a week (and she's 7!!)

As far as your child's father is concerned, I suppose up to now, it's been quite unusual for parents who don't live together that he has managed to see him everyday. He might still be able to, dd's bedtime never changed as such, it's just that the nap was dropped.(in any case, you don't want your son to suddenly start going to bed at 5pm, or he'd be up at stupid o'clock the next morning!)

The other thing you could potentially do if you really want to keep the nap is to push his bedtime back, is have him go to sleep at 9.00 or even 9.30-10.00 pm. It's what happens in most Mediterranean countries where children nap for years & years. Personally i wouldn't choose that schedule as it doesn't suit our family & I'm not sure a 9.00 pm bedtime is great for toddlers, but it certainly can be done. The thing is, around 2 the total number of hours needed for sleep do seem to be reduced so I wouldn't be too hopeful about your DS's nap coming back :(. Same is happening with our DS (age 2 & 3 months), he naps every few days eg in carseat but most days doesn't & then we get him to bed earlier eg 6.45 or 7.00 pm. He does tend to get grumpy without his nap as it's a transitional phase they all go through which is why I think an 8.00 pm bedtime is far too late if your son is dropping his nap, it definitely explains all his grumpiness etc.

Oh and back teeth are the worst :(

My DD stopped her nap at about 2.4 and at first we put her to bed at 6:30pm.she does sleep til about 8 now which is a bonus!