Just what do I do with him?

[Rhubarb]

Trying this now in the Parenting topic. Ds is 20 months old and is often a little ball of fury. We give him lots of attention, but when we have to do things like cooking or shopping, he goes absolutely nuts! Now his latest trick is to refuse to feed himself at mealtimes, he shakes his head and screams at us. If we feed him then he'll eat, but if we stop he screams and goes into a paddy, he scream for his cup, but then throw it on the floor, and then scream for it again, and do the same thing. He tries to throw everything he can reach on the floor. He's tipped chairs up on himself in his rage. Then when he quietens we try again, but still he refuses to feed himself and will paddy all over again. Funnily enough he'll feed himself his yoghurt.

We've tried ignoring him, we've tried getting him down from the table, but his paddies just go on and on and it disrupts ours and dd's mealtime.

He's also a vicious little git, he'll try to bite and kick and scream and punch. Please help us deal with him!

If he's clingy too thats probably why he plays up more when your DD is around then....he doesn't have his Mummy's full attention. DS loves it when he has me all to himself and thats why he's better behaved. Having one of each I have found that DS needs me hell of a lot more than DD ever did!!!

It is still b*llocks thou' - and really tough to handle day after day when you nice wee scone has turned into the devils child!

I think he has always been the devil's child! I cannot remember a time when we've had it easy with him!

Is he worse at a certain time of day? Wondering if a schedule change might help, meals or sleep? I think he is too young to be punished too but one thing I've found is to always say "YES,..." when asked for something I'm willing to give them "...as soon as you do/stop xxx" (fill in one small item of behaviour I WANT out of them right then, that they can achieve easily, like put down spoon on table, say sorry to sister, or something). I do this all day every day in response to every request (except when I am out of control myself, and forget). At first they throw a fit, which I totally ignore and don't give them the thing they asked for, but this happens less and less, because what THEY want just then is within reach. And they generally behave better and have less tantrums.

Rhubarb - he's the same age as my DS2 who also can't speak very well. I'd say it's fustration at not being able to communicate when he's at an age where he has very important things to say. They are trying so hard to be independant at that age but their bodies just aren't ready for it yet. DS2 was always more trying in all respects than DS1 who is a lovely placid little soul.
DS2 is doing that playing/mushing food thing but doesn't let us feed him either so after some heartache I gave up and let him mess away but don't offer him anything else. I give him small amounts of fingerfood in between meals so he doesn't starve. He is slowly getting better.

I have to say - when he hits us or pulls our hair I carry him to the hall, and walk back to the kitchen with my back to him. He comes straight back into the kitchen almost before I do but he's starting to get the message. I'll put up with a lot from him but I do think he's old enough to know that causing pain is wrong - he's probably still too young to stop himself though but at least he's starting to understand the (gentle) consequences.

repeat to yourself ad nauseum "it's just a phase, it's just a phase..."

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really, I'm not!

I lurk a lot (nearly every day) and don't post very often. Been here for 3 years or so! And I haven't read all your texts, but a few a long the way.