Help - DD Says 'I don't like you - I want Daddy'

[ememum]

DD is 2.5.

She has always shown a preference for DH who is great with her. He works from home a lot and spends loads of time with her.

I'm a SAHM. Used to have a successful career and gave that up to be at home with DD. Usually things are fine but I'm not nearly as good with her as DH and I really try hard.

DH away for work at the moment and she's gone to sleep screaming 'I don't like you, I want Daddy'. She's used to him going away, so that shouldn't have triggered it.

I know that I can look too much to her for reassurance that she loves somethimes, I know that's not helpfull. Has anyone out there been successfull at being less needy with their child?

This isn't the most articulate of posts as I am feeling a bit frayed at the moment but if anyone has experience of their child disliking them and has seen things change for the better I would really appreciate hearing from you. It feels somethimes like I am the only mum with this problem.

Hi

Don't worry - if you are on your own at the moment it will be harder - tomorrow will be better. She sounds over-tired to get that screamy at bedtime but she did settle. She will forget it by tomorrow. A health visitor once advised that if you let them come to you with love that when they show love spontaneously it feels worth so much more than if you ask for it. I think that this is true when out of the blue something lovely is said. I"m sure that that will happen with your DH away if you can spend some special time with her and perhaps set up some special mummy thing he doesn't do. I have a scrapbook with my now 4 year old that only we do, not her dad. She also often seems to prefer her Dad but then I know she does love me. In the scrapbook I have a letter or number per page and we cut and stick things in in odd moments, and then this can get special chats going. Things you have noticed she likes. Actually she calls it her 'news book' not letters book or anything. Its just an idea. Another one would be to make something together to show daddy, like out of boxes, as a gift for him when he gets back? Not sure I'm on your track but she will show love if she is happy I hope.

Thankyou so much, it's really helped. The advice from your health visitor is just what I needed to hear. Of course that's right. Thank you again.

Glad could help a little. hope you are having a nice weekend...

I've wanted post about this for ages and I'm so glad I have. Something about the health visitor's advice really struck home.

I'm normally constantly telling her I love her, mainly to hear it back, cos it's so lovely when she says it. But this has had diminishing returns and has become unhealthy and needy. Also she seems to have realised how important it is to me and has recently started to use 'I don't like you' when I want her to do something she doesn't want to do (such as going to bed last night).

It's very difficult to recognise that your own behaviour is uncharacteristically neurotic and not seem able to change despite repeated resolutions. I had a real lightbulb moment last night realising that even the positive responses I get from her are worth so much less than spontanious affection.

It's been a lovely day and though she woke up saying she wanted daddy (obviously remembering last night) I felt a lot calmer taking a step back mentally. She responded really quickly. When she said she loved me this afternoon I gave her a really lovely hug, and did not (as I usually would) try to start yet another whole conversation about how much we love each other. What a relef. Happy bedtime all round.

I got the right advice at the right time.

I am so glad this has helped you. I got the advice when I had DD number two arrive and number 1 was just annoying me. I have number 3 now and she is a real Daddy's girl but I know she loves me too. The way I see it is that there can always be more love and it just grows over time. I think its wonderful when girls have a dad they can really admire. What's important is that we don't compete - its a different thing with the partners and then you and her I think. No two relationships are the same - your with her is really really special too.