SURVIVAL TIPS for coping with newborn + toddler please!!!

[franch]

DD1 is coming up for 20months, DD2 is 10 days .... DH went back to work today and I'm not sure where to start .... Particularly interested in other people's routines (especially the beginning and end of the day): I've worked out I need to shower before DH leaves for work (7.30 this morning ) and try to give DD2 a good feed before DD1 wakes (bit unpredictable at the moment), but so far the rest is chaos. I'd like to be able to get along to DD1's playgroups eventually, if I can get the 3 of us together in time .... Are there any tricks??????

there's been a few threads recently on this. one this week on bathing and bedding baby and toddler.

for me getting out of the house was the key.

I suggest getting used to feeding the baby at playgroup etc. Get to playgroup and you can then, hopefully, let toddler play while you feed, change, wash, even dress the baby. if you get stuck at home all day with the two of them you'll probably go crazy! babies love toddler groups too, so the baby will be happy.

Am breastfeeding btw

OK, will try to find recent threads, thanks Fennel - having trouble getting on to MN much atm!

feed dd2 at every opportunity, even if she isnt crying - there might not be another convenient one later. dont feel guilty about letting dd1 watch more tv than usual, it wont harm her for a few weeks til you get more routine established. dont plan too much but do try to get out every morning (will tire out dd1 and make for a calmer afternoon). day to day house work (like dusting) is the last priority, right after having a cup of tea and some quiet me time (if you get that far). dont be scared to ask for help. make lots of one pot meals that take little cooking time but can be done in bulk and frozen or left in fridge

Having a routine for doing things as far as possible helps (know babies tend to throw it out but your DD2 will get more predictable). Ask your DH what time he needs to go out so that you can time your shower etc. Get organised (clothes, bag etc) the night before. Will your DH be around for bedtimes?

this might help

get dd1 a doll and toy nappies, bottles etc, encourage her to play with "her baby" while you deal with yours.

encourage her to find the baby's toys, shoes, etc, get her on board with helping with the baby.

get dd2 used to napping in buggy/sling/wherever, and then you can work round activities for dd1 and you. 2nd babies can just fit right into it all.

don't feel bad if dd1 seems a bit neglected, (I always felt bad about this) - you're providing her with a close sibling which is a big plus for her (mine are very close, they are now 5, 4 and 1, it's lovely to see them playing together)

I used to take my shower and let baby kick about on her playmat on the bathroom floor, DS would potter about with his toys in his room. I found if I got up, showered and dressed things went a lot better than if I lounged around a bit first thing.

Teatimes were a nightmare, DD would cluster feed just as I put the food on. I started preparing tea when my DS was napping after lunch so all I had to do was actually cook or reheat.

DD also went in the bath with DS from an early age, a few weeks as bathing one then the other took too much time and was easier to bath them both together

It gets better!!! My first few weeks were awful and DS just didn't sleep like his sister did. Thankfully she still does so I've only had one to attend to in the middle of the night. All I could add is don't worry about routine. So what if you're not dressed, who cares about the dishes. Eventually things will fall into place

I smoked cigarettes.

Hi Franch, there is just under 21 months between my dd and ds and I must admit I found it very hard work until ds was about 6 months - it's still very hard of course but in a different way! My advice to you is to take up every single offer of help that comes your way, not sure what your dh is like, mine would never offer to help, would sit downstairs listening to me trying to bath a screaming new born and a stroppy toddler but still not come and help, when I challenged him he just said "you only had to ask"!! And he works away during the week!! Some men just need to be directed iykwim!
If possible try to get out and about as much as you can, there's some excellent tips here and on other threads for time saving things. One thing I did find quite helpful from one of GFs books is, if you can, lay out all the stuff you need for bathtime and bedtime while they are having their lunchtime nap. I was so anal about ds' routine (GF routine) that I am sure that this contributed to my post natal depression, I refused to go out to playgroups etc etc because it meant that ds' routine would have been out by 3 minutes!!
You'll be fine just make good use of any pairs of helping hands and don't be afraid to ask for help - that was my problem and sometimes other people are quite happy and willing to help but don't want to interfere or seem pushy.
Sorry, rambling on a bit here, hope some of this helps.

Thank you so much - really useful tips here, esp re. not feeling guilty about TV (I was!), packing bag etc the night before (if I can find the energy), feeding DD2 whenever I get the chance, etc

And thanks for the link, bp - v useful thread - I like what enid said about not having to be superwoman any more , and what nicmum2boys said about knowing it doesnt last forever - that's true. Secur's weapon of resignation is good too

Catbert's idea of an early bedtime for DD2 is worth keeping up my sleeve too I think

Hi Franch - I agree with Melly about asking for help. When friends want to know what to bring when visiting, I say I don't need any more baby stuff, but if they bring food, that would be great (even if it is pizza or something). One less meal to prepare/clean up.

DH is willing to help, but even though this is our second, still needs to be directed.

When mum came to visit today (DS was with his other grandparents), I asked if she minded holding DD (1 week old) while I slept, as she doesn't really sleep if she is not held. Mum was in extacy and I got TWO HOURS sleep (a bit of a record in the past week).

Oh and mum suggested offering appropriate relatives the "opportunity" to bath our toddler. MIL and SIL (on different occassions) have been delighted to get the chance to bath DS. Of course it is a chore off our hands, and they get to have some special time with DS.

It didn't occur to me that this simple activity would bring others joy!

I had a 12 month gap betwen DS and DD1 and then 17 months between DD1 and DD2. It was very hard and I can hardly remember, it all seems like a big blurr but one thing I did manage and god knows how, was they all napped at the same time in the afternoon. I also got out at lot whilst DD2 slept in pram others played and I visited lots of friends and we ate loads of frozen pizza. In the evening DH put older two (HA HA) to bed whilst I fed DD2 and had a bit of a rest. The other thing I did was went insane.