Wanted- ideas for low key after-school/nursery parent and child activities

[ScummyMummy]

Hi all. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not doing enough with my boys (twins aged 4) in the afternoons and wondered if anyone had any ideas? The situation is that I rush from work to pick them up from nursery, we have a nice slowish walk back home and catch up with the day's events which is lovely... and then when we're home they veg out in front of the videos/TV or play while I cook their tea, try to do some dreaded housework and all the 101 other things that need doing. Then they eat, bath and go to bed.

I feel like I don't spend any time actively DOING stuff with them and that means we miss out on all those nice chances to chat that come from doing nice things together. When I ask myself why we don't do stuff at this time- it's better at weekends- I think it's partly because they do need a bit of vedging after a hard day at nursery and I do need to get some of the boring housework done too. But it's also that I'm just too knacked out after working all day to make the effort to eg:get the paints out for a while and deal with the inevitable mess or spend a good 45 minutes baking a cake with them (and then cleaning up the whole kitchen!). So I wondered if any of you wise ones had some good ideas for low key but fun stuff to do that doesn't take too much planning or make too much extra mess and could be done and dusted in, say, 20 mins or so- giving time for the necessary vedging, housework etc but meaning that the house of scum is united for a short time on a daily basis. Any ideas gratefully received!

Quick thoughts Scummy:

• Reading books to them? I sometimes remind ds that books aren't just for bedtime and I'm happy to read to him til the cows come home so we sit on the sofa with a pile of books
• Lying on the floor talking. Sounds silly but we sometimes lie on the floor and chat about where we'd like the house to float to if it could float (I'm not on drugs, honest!) and it's just nice and calm and easy (ooops, really sounding like a hippy now!)
• The park on the way home? Football if you're up to it?
• Colouring as opposed to painting is very relaxing I find! And you get to have a nice chat while you're doing it. Some of our pictures say "by mummy all by her own"

I agree, they need calming down/veg time and so do you though. Will post more if I think of anything.

Hi, scummy. Am wondering what happens in the morning, or are they at nursery all day?

Anyway vegging out is deffo what they need to do after it - DD2 used to go to nursery school in the mornings, from 3½ to 4½, and then after lunch watched Mary Poppins right through every day (all year!) unless something had been arranged.

As far as baking, painting etc is concerned, they do all that at nursery, don't they, so don't need to do it with you...what about a game of eg Twister (if you're fit enough!), or if you have a Playstation you could get one of those dancing games with a mat. Or find a nice long book that they would like and read them some every day. (Can you tell I was never very good at thinking of things to do with the darlings??!!) Playdoh is less messy than paint - when DS2 was 4-ish we had one of those sets of eyes, feelers etc that you could make creatures with.

Not sure doing stuff is necessarily good chatting time though. Bathtime, bedtime, driving or walking somewhere seems to provoke conversation more IME. Good luck anyway - I'm sure others will have lots of ideas!

I don't remember my life at four, but at primary school my idea of heaven was to come home, eat tea, then sit in front of the TV with my family eating refridgerated Mars bars cut into little slices! Sometimes we'd play board games in front of the fire and my dad would bring home a takeaway pizza. Also utter bliss. I don't think kids really want a lot in the way of entertainment, if my experience is much to go on. Books, board games, helping get tea together is as much as I can think of. Or just all piling onto the sofa together and watching TV. Being together needn't involve actually doing anything I think. When my stepdaughter was six, we just used to sit about and she adored it.

I would second aloha's suggestion of board games. If you can find something you all want to play it would be a good option as there's no mess, and it's so structured- you know more or less how long it will take, and there's a clear end-point. An end-point is exactly what you need if you're knackered after work and wanting to get on with housework. Jigsaws would serve the same purpose if they let you join in, or a given Lego model with instructions (or Meccano, whatever). I'll keep thinking!

ooh, tamum, I meant to mention Lego too but forgot! A big bucket of Lego and a bit of imagination gOes a long way!

Absolutely, janh! I got my 8 year old ds Lego Studios for Christmas, and he is just loving it. You make your own Lego films, and there's a great editing suite so you can add sound effects and backing tracks and so on. It's just great- he writes little scripts, builds the sets, makes the film and then spends more creative time on the computer. Ideal for him.
Sorry, scummymummy, this is of no help whatsoever, I just had to enthuse for a moment!

poetry for children. educational, easy and you can even do a picture - go to the Pound stretcher and buy a picture frame and display.
eg
RATS
Running fast
Altogether.
They scare People
SO beware!

using the first letter of the title for each line. you can chose a managable word for the age of your children.
as a Mumsnet poet yourself, this wouldnt prove too difficult and would probably be something you all enjoy.

Sometimes it is enough for the children you just being there if they want to talk or do something. If you feel like you should do some kind of activity with them, why not get them to help you with the housework/cooking? In our house we all do these things together while we chat. Even my ds who is only 2 likes cleaning (I hope it lasts ,-))
My children don't watch tv (they are just not interested), so just before bedtime we all for a stroll in the fields. I think the fresh air really helps them to sleep, so tend to take them out whatever the weather.

I think in the end you'll know what feels right for you and your sons scummy. If you all feel happy and relaxed together then you're doing the right thing, even if you are all vegging out in front of the TV. I agree that after a busy nursery day, you don't have to worry about providing more stimulation.

Could you slow down the bedtime routine a bit more than usual to allow extra chatting time and games in the bath?

Jellymaking is my standby 'together' activity. Not much time or mess involved. You can get your sons to add fruit to make it more healthy. Or make angel delight, custard or ice cream sundies. Or get them to help ice ready made sponge cakes. Or possibly try those instant children's cake mixes.

Another thing I did a lot with my eldest son at this age (in the summer) was to take him to a local playground. I don't know if there is one near you. It only has to be a very small one because you are not staying for long. Is there one on your way home? just to make the most of the lovely early summer evening weather. And since you are out, there's no mess to clear up.
Or get a small picnic together (the boys can help) and have your eveing meal outside somewhere.

If you feel extra energetic, could you take them swimming after nursery sometimes? not only is it relaxing, it also means you don't have to bath them before bed.

Will add more suggestions if I think of them.

All these suggestions seem great (will try to remember them for 3 years time!) but I think the main thing is that you just need to STOP and be with them for a while - make yourself a cuppa and just sit down with them for 20-30 mins. Do the housework and the tea later (or do some of the cooking in advance at times they aren't around) They'll probably have ideas of what they want to do themselves, but if you're there to chat to them/get involved in the game it will hopefully help you feel better about it all (and give yourself a well deserved break at the end of the day)

i do jigsaws - it focuses concentration for my kids SATS - but i have sadly quite got into them - so if i sit and do them on the table the kids always come up and help for 10 mins then bugger off again.

heres a trick i use in community work. disposable cameras - chose a topic give them a camera. they then have something they can see for their efforts and you could display them or make a collage.

you can spend the time setting up for the picture - so - if your topic was cooking - the twins could take pictures of going to the supermarket for the ingredients - measuringthem out - mixing them up - final product - taking pictures of every stage. - like a project.

your topic could be interesting buildings
or things that dad does
anything - and you can lengthen it or shorten i to your requirements

Okay, so what are hama beads

Hi Scummy! I think it's fantastic that you walk home with the kids from nursery, and this is a great time for sharing/chatting time. My dss are 6 and 4, and last year were both SHATTERED at 3.15 pm after school and nursery (only 2.5 hrs). After the walk home, mine do need to veg. DS2 starts full time school in September, so is going to be even more tired.

During these hols we've played loads of board games and that sort of thing, which they love, but after school they are just not up to it - they just need to flop.

We sometimes make muffins - which are dead easy - 10 mins to prepare, 20 mins in oven - very little mess. Susan Reimer: Muffins on Amazon is brill recipe book.

Deegward. Hama beads are these

Sorry, that didn't work. Try this

Have you tried homemade playdough, My 3yr old son loves it and uses it many ways from making tracks with his tractors to making cakes, and I find quick and easy I just make a batch every now and then, keep it in a plastic bag and its ready to be whipped out at a moments notice and because its homemade it doesnt stain clothes and it comes out of carpets!!

Could you put some music on instead of the tv? That way they could either be quiet and just listen to it or have a dance around - with you too! It's easier to talk over music too, it's not so distracting as tv. You could then choose music to suit their moods.

My DS is too little for me to come up with other ideas but I shouldn't be too hard on yourself. If their bed is say 7 and yours is 11, then 5pm for them is like 9pm for us. I don't know about you but I don't want to do anything then apart from watch tv or read!

I know what you mean about post work/school exhaustion. I find making pancakes works with my 2. They help mix the batter and dream up fillings, so we have time together AND they get fed in the process. It's incredibly simple and makes me feel like a Proper Mother (however briefly) before we launch ourselves on The Great Bedtime Battle

I've been thinking about this. What I do when I pick up ds (nearly 2) from his nanny at 5.30ish is take him home via the park if it is a nice day, give him a quick go on the swings. Then take him home, play some music, maybe read a book and play some sort of silly chasing game, make his tea, then dh gives him his bath, he rolls around on the floor a bit (!) then dh sings to him or reads to him or plays twinkle twinkle on the guitar, then it's five minutes of Tellytubbies, a book and bed. ds seems entirely satisfied with this. While the bath, singing, guitar playing happens I like to lie on the sofa drinking wine. That's my favourite bit!

Thank you so much for all these brilliant suggestions. Thanks to you our post-nursery times are a changing- but not so much that we're really knackered yet. And it's so lovely of you to reassure me that they'll be fine vegging! You're right- they are basically fine, it's just that I think I'm missing out sometimes and also worry that they might feel a bit abandoned to the loving arms of the telly! They do love it when I make the effort to do stuff with them- even simple things like hippyish chatting a la WWW.

As Dannie said, it's something about trying to feel like a "proper mother"- focussing on just the kids and blocking out other distractions. I am ridiculously untalented at multitasking- so bad that I've even had secret fears that I might be a man- and also incredibly distractible, so have to concentrate fiercely on whatever I happen to be doing if it is to be done at all... this means that I find it quite difficult to potter happily about doing housework whilst occasionally exchanging sweet motherly comments with the boys, which would be ideal. I sometimes need the structure of doing some kind of planned "activity" with them so we can have a bit of protected time together but I haven't got much energy at that time of day and don't want to overdo it in any case given that they are quite tired after nursery.

So your suggestions have been superb- I've invested in a couple of board games- kerplunk is fab!, some new felt tips, some magic sand, a couple of new books. We've popped into the playground on the way home a few times, done lots of reading and hippy chats and we're making pancakes and muffins soon- honest! And poetry sounds good too, once they've mastered the old penmenship a bit more. I also love the disposable camera idea- they both adore cameras and are constantly trying to steal mine- I might do that one Saturday morning. And the Hama beads look rather fab- I must get some in. And aloha's wine drinking idea- well, I do that already occasionally and it works well! So thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all your suggestions and reassurances.