Is it worse being an only child at Christmas??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter will be 6 in feb and this will be the first christmas we haven't been down to my MIL's. She has a big house and usually the whole family go there, including my daughters 4 cousens.
This year, my mother in law is comming to our house with ser son who lives at home. There will be no other children for lucy to play with.

I really want it to be special for her as it's the first one at home, but can't help thinking she's not going to enjoy it as much. I think because she's an only child and won't have any other children to play with. I can't imagine Christmas without my little brother as a child. We used to get so excited together and would play and laugh at our parents etc.

were any of you only children, or do you have only children? If so, what's it like at Christmas for an only child and what can we do to make it special for her?

Thanks.

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Honestly? Yes I do think it sounds a bit lonely
my childhood memories of Xmas are whispering with my sister on Xmas eve, waking each other up on Xmas morning to see if it was too early to get up etc
but you can still make it magical for your dd

I thought so. I wonder what we could do to make it more fun.
Her best friend lives not far away and her mum is a very good friend of mine too. Would it be appropriate to ask if they wanted to come around at some point on Christmas day?

On the plus side she'll get lots of attention/presents/fuss from all the adults! I'm sure lots of people who were only children will come and tell you they had lovely Christmases so don't worry! If you think she might miss out then definitely approach the friend, they might say no to Christmas Day if they're away/busy though. Maybe you could find out if there are any local family events e.g. Christingle service at church?

Forgot to say - my sister and I used to fight like cat and dog every Christmas (combination of combative personalities, being cooped up and on best behaviour for visiting relatives, and too much sugar!) so I used to envy my only child friends who got to be queen bee at home!

True, even if she chats to her friend at some point it'd be nice for her. Her friend is an only child too, so it'd be nice for both of them.

she goes to the Christingle service every year. She is friendly with a few children there as they go to sunday school together.

Keeping a close eye on this. My ds is an only and will be for quite some time until I've finished my degree etc!I often feel like he's missing out especially as he is by far the youngest in the family and we live far away from his cousins. Really want to make Christmas magical for him :(

As an only child, I had a great time at Christmas, playing with my presents, watching the TV I wanted and no fights/arguments. Is she normally lonely (day to day) or self contained? She may well enjoy it more by herself (my DS would prefer it without his DDs getting in the way).

It could be a goo thing then. She does like a lot of adult attention, when I take her on play dates she'll often want to sit with us mums chatting rather than play with her friend. She is getting a lot better though.

My DS (7) is an only, we make it v special for him. Am a bit at the lonely comment.

We have a huge family Christmas, but there aren't any other kids at all. We all have fun.

It will be as good as you make it !

Speaking as an only child too I loved it while I was young. All the attention on me etc. (as mummytime said). It was only when I became a teenager and more self-conscious that I really missed my friends to talk to on my level. Thats when I felt remote as they all had hectic Christmases of there own and were uncontactable.

Little girls, on the whole, are pretty self-contained and quite like to be a bit grown-up. I think she will love the attention!

I'm an only and ds is an only. It's fine.

Look at it this way, if ds wants to play with his new Wii game, he only has to fight negotiate with me and his dad.

We usually spend christmas with family (as did I) so ds has cousins to play with. But when we've has Christmas at home it's been fine. We generally meet up with friends over Christmas (not necessarily the day itself) so he has plenty of people to play with over the festive period.

Absolutely do ask if your dd's friend and her mum want to come over though. her mum might be grateful for the excuse to leave the house

I have mixed thoughts about this. I am an only, and I grew up in South Africa with my parents. So everyone spent Christmas with their own families, and generally, I was on my own with my parents.

I have vague memories of it, I remember my dad spending ALL day building my Barbie house, I remember taking a toy pram to the swimming pool on Christmas Day, and I remember my parents taking me for Christmas DInner to a restaurant so we wouldn't be alone at home.

I don't think about those memories and remember being lonely, tbh. I don't think I felt that any more acutely on Christmas Day than on any other day of the year.

The thing I do think I missed out on was the traditions of Christmas - the rituals that you have as a family. I am, therefore, militant about the Christmas traditions that I want my dc to remember, and to look forward to and expect every year.

I wonder if I had had siblings, we would have had more traditions that we observed as a family.

Clockspotter you've worried me a bit now! We've never had much of an issue with DD - she's gregarious with adults anyway, so as long as it's not just the three of us starting at the same four walls it's always been fine.

Last year we had lunch at a restaurant and saw friends in the evening. This year I am finally getting my wish of a big family Christmas at mine (we've never had a place big enough before), so she will have her cousins. But they are 19 and 21 now so by the time she's a moody 15 year old (in 5 years' time) they'll be 'proper' adults (as opposed to students) and may have little in common with DD.

Still, I suppose there's not much point stressing about it now.

mummyloveslucy something we've done when we've been 'home alone' at Christmas before is go to the park with any outdoor-type presents - you usually run into some people you know.

DD is 8y and an only child. She is very very happy and settled as an only child. She is never bored or lonely and always surrounded with people who love her and want to be with her - friends, familiy - and equally she is happy with her own company as well.

We spend Christmas Day together - me, DH and DD. Always have done and we love it. I have asked Dd about this and she loves it. We have a very relaced fun day, with all our attention pretty much on her. We open gifts, we eat, go for a walk, play, etc.

Boxing Day grandparents come round and make a huge fuss of her. We see grandparents and family on Christmas eve too.

So, DD will spend 3 days as the only child pretty much and it doesn't bother her one jot.

We spend most of the rest of the time with people with children so she gets a lot of playmates then. this year we are off on holiday with Katz and family, so she has her two best friends for a whole week to overdose on!

Having sblings will not always guarantee tey will get on and play nicely together. One thing I can guarantee for my Christmas is that at least we won't have squabbles and falling out.

DS is an only child and spent his first 5 Christmases as the only child in the extended family. I think he loved being spoiled and being the centre of attention. He was the first grandchild in the family so he was adored by my parents and siblings.

Now he has some cousins so there are a few children to share Christmas with. But the age gaps are quite wide so they don't necessarily play with each other, in fact he prefers playing board games with the adults.

He does enjoy having the whole family together at Christmas but when he was younger he didn't know any different. I have no doubt that he was happy though.

Dd is 5 and an only child. I also grew up as an only. TBH, I was a bit lonely and Xmas was often difficult as there always seemed to be tension in the house which can feel very intense for an only.

I do worry about this myself. Dd is very sociable and we have no family at all in the UK. We do see her friends over the holidays - but people tend to be busy with family - her best friend, another only, goes to extended family for the whole holiday.

We are trying to have family rituals - not just for dd - but for all of us. We go out in the afternoon as pp said - to the park with bike or similar and drop buy the village pub for mince pies and a Xmas drink. We go ice-skating on Xmas eve.

Some friends asked us for Xmas lunch and at first I was delighted at the idea as they also have a 5 yr-old - but actually we have decided that Xmas day itself should be mainly spent as a family close to home.

I think making Xmas eve and day special will not be difficult with a little planning - but dd will need to see playmates over the holiday generally (for our sanity as much as hers!). I will probably pin down some playdates well in advance as this is such a busy time of year and our need is probably greater than others.

I don't think it has to be lonely - you just need to make it a fun day, lots of games to play etc.

I grew up hating Xmas. My mum was brought up by her nan, a jehovas witness, and even though mum has never been a witness herself she never made a big deal of Xmas. Or birthdays.

Sooo yes I was lonely but I think if you make an effort it doesn't have to be so :)

I wouldn't worry at all, tbh. We had our first christmas at home last year, just us and my parents.

I would have imagined it would be less fun for dd, but she loved it and has been begging us to stay home again this year. (Not going to happen - will be with ILs and a house full!)

As a child we spent some Christmasses with family (a lot of family), others with just my parents and me, and believe me they were all fun :)

I was an only and Christmas was one of the few times I didnt mind it.
big ceremony of leaving drink/mince pie/carrot on hearth
hang up stockings [try to do small ones for the adults]
tell her to come and open stocking in your bed when she wakes up
grownups open theirs[handed round by her]before breakfast
special breakfast with a cracker each
tree presents which she can hand out
everyone watches her open her pressies then take it in turns to play with her till dinner
let her 'help' lay the table etc-see that she has sparkly 'wine'[Schloer]in a special glass
A favourite tv or dvd or a walk depending on time and weather
lots of cosy family time/chat
she will be fine-the key word is magic-you can make it

My DDs an only. She always loves xmas - we go to MILs - she's 92 (there used to be a PIL and some other old relatives, to whom we always drink a toast). She isn't lonely, she's got us. Of course that means we do have to play with her not get sozzled .

DH unfortunately has memories of being given bboard games for xmas and then none of the adults realising that they needed to play them with him - that's never going to happen to DD!

DD loves presiding over handing out the presents, especially to Granny. Its a lovely ccross-generational affair.

I'm an only, and I loved Christmas as a child. I liked playing with my presents and spending time with my parents (who both worked full time). You can't miss what you don't have - I don't feel like I missed out through not having other children around.

I'm an only child and I always adored Christmas especially if it was just with my parents.

Cosy little twinkly world with the three of us and our traditions - taking my stocking into mum and dad's bed, quite a long walk, dad cooking when we got home, reading books, jigsaws, playing with toys, lots of sausage rolls and mince pies that I had helped mum make. Lots of decorations that I had been making since December 1st, a gorgeous tree chosen by me and dad, a real fire.

We hardly ever had anyone else as I had four sets of gps with lots of bad feeling all round.

I am an only & I loved Christmas. Far from needing another child to share it with, I wouldn't bother calling for friends for a few days after Xmas day just so I could play with all my presents on my own for a while.

I think adults perceive being an only child as far more of an issue than it actually is.
We're assumed to be lonely when lots of us actually enjoy time alone.

ds is a very sociable only, and being an only is definitely an issue for him. However, much less so at Christmas because he has much more of our full attention - the problem at other times is often that we are not really giving him enough time . It's been a lovely time the years it has just been us - stockings, wonderful breakfast with all his (and our) favourite things, worship at the church of Lego, great lunch, long walk, big film in the pm, lovely food again... he has always seemed quite happy, and he's not a child who holds back from saying when he's miserable!

I think if you consider what will give you a magical Christmas that you will enjoy, and then tweak it for him, you will find it's really lovely for all of you.