Ds's first after-school playdate this afternoon

[PrettyCandles]

What's the protocol? How long do we stay? Is one hour too short? What about supper?

All our other playdates so far have been on weekends or days off nursery, and with friends of mine (I've never met this boy's mum, and only met his nanny in the playground while arranging the playdate), so I really haven't a clue.

Was it not made clear if you were invited to tea?
I always ask people to come round for tea after school; I don?t mind if mum comes or not but if they are a pal (rather than just the random mother of ds?s pal iyswim) I assume they will.
Equally I offer them food but they usually refuse. (I still feed their kids tho )
I serve tea about 5pm and people usually stay till about 6pm.
hth

I assumed that I was coming, and asked what about dd (she's 2.9y) and the nanny said to bring her as well. I assume that all the children would be fed an afters-chool snack (that's what I would do), but would it be rude of us to leave before supper? Ds only started Reception last week, and he's not used to such long days.

what did you do in the end?
I would have said expect to stay about 1.5 hrs, def. don't stay for tea unless they seem very insistent and you actually want to, and bring a snack to share with the other child in case one doesn't seem on offer and just say your child still needs the afternoon pick-me-up...

big question... were you welcome? Around here, most parents would expect child to come but not the parents, from school age onwards parents def. not welcome to stay.

It went fine. I was perfectly welcome, though it felt a little odd because I only knew the nanny (and even her only barely) and when the mummy arrived I sort of didn't know with whom I should be talking and making friends.

The nanny told me, after we arrived, that we were invited for children's supper as well, if that was convenient for us. Her part-time charges were there as well, until about 4.45, and the boys hadn't had a chance to play together, so when she said that supper would be at 5pm I agreed to stay. Unfortunately supper wasn't until 5.30, the children were all getting too tired, behaviour deteriorated and we barely managed to leave at 6.30. All in all it was a pleasant afternoon, but it went on too long for ds. I think that, for this term at least, we will not stay for supper at afterschool playdates. Of course I'm perfectly happy for ds's playdates to stay for supper with us.

It seems very weird that parents would be unwelcome to stay with a 4yo, especially when at a completely new house for the first time. And in any case, how do you get to know other parents if you don't stay?

If I invite kids back I do expect their parents to stay, DS is nearly 4 but I have a 14 month old and it is impossible to keep an eye on all the kids and cook the tea (especially as you never know how other kids of this age will behave in your home).

We have an arrangement with a friend that we see each other for tea every week and take it in turns at each others houses. The kids play, have tea and they have a bath before going home in their jamas at 7pm. It is a nice evening for the kids and they look forward to it every week

PC:
"It seems very weird that parents would be unwelcome to stay with a 4yo, especially when at a completely new house for the first time. And in any case, how do you get to know other parents if you don't stay?"

I thought it was very weird when people asked "Is it ok if I stay?" for DS1's 5th birthday party last year ... but they did. Even though they didn't know me (I had only lived here 3 months) they were so apologetic. "She won't stay if I won't", typically. But def. that's what's expected around here, parents don't usually stay, not even with 4yo children.

And, no, I haven't really got to know any of the other parents well, either.

WCL, that sounds wonderful! It is great when the parents are friends as well as the children.

We had friends like that when we were little, but unfortunately at about 8 or 9 I realised that not only was I not 'best friends' with the child, but I didn't want to be, and I far prefered her younger sister! It was very awkward, as our parents were very good friends, and it was assumed that A and I were also very happy to be with each other all the time.

OMG reading this thread has scared the living daylights out of me. My ds1 is 20yrs old and I don?t remember all this politicalness(?) and etiquette. Mind you I used to be the mum that ran in and ran out of the playground and didn?t speak to the other mums.ds2 is 20 months so I have a couple of years to get myself up to standard. is it really like this?????

PC

My DS prefers to play with the younger brother too

We are certainly going to have to make sure we don't force them to spend the time together as they get older if they don't want to as I think it'd have the opposite effect.