My son, the sheep. Please advise

[sneakapeak]

My son is 3.5 yrs old and is such a sheep.
I can't believe just how bad he is and I am not sure why.

Examples.

At nursery I've seen him in the playground or at the start of the day.

He gravitates towards someone and copies absolutely everything. He has done it for a long time. I used to joke he seemed to spot a rebel in a soft play and almost egg them on but is getting alot more noticable and I now realise it's more about him wanting to be liked.

The child in question isn't really interested in him usually but he will follow them even when they are getting annoyed.
He actually looks very insecure when he is doing it.

The nursery teachers were impressed with how he will eat anything put infront of him, at snack time but when one boy started refusing everything, sitting with his head in his hands my son apparently started doing the same.

This has gone on for weeks and he has not touched his snack since.
He is starving when I pick him up .

Another boy pretends he is a dog all day so my son copies it everyday too.

At football classes, all the other boys are running around, doing their own thing enjoying the games or listening and looking at the coaches, my DS chooses boys to follow (usually ones who stand out for misbehaviour) and copies everything to the point where, last week the coach asked them to sit down and they all did bar one.
My DS happened to be copying this one so he stood beside him staring at him.

The coach, who my DS adores, gave them a row and told them again and again to sit down and my DS looked uneasy and nervous with this but STILL stared at the boy waiting until he sat down .

I know all LO's like to copy but he is NEVER himself, doing his own thing.

Does this sound like deep insecurity (can't think why) and what should I do to encourage him to be himself?

Ah, sounds sweet. Yes encourage him to like his own things, to believe that whatever he likes to do is valid just because he likes to do it, but don't stress him out.

He'll probably grow out of it. If you make an issue of it he is unlikely to be able to comprehend what the problem is, and you might just worry him and make him feel you are displeased without him understanding why, which is (ironically) all the more likely to make him insecure.

Your post reads a bit (to me -- but I am no expert, so this is just my opinion) as if you are interpreting his behaviour in a way that would apply to an older person, iyswim. He is so young that he has hardly had time to pass through early phases yet. If a 9 year old was like this then yes, I can understand the sad face; but at his age, really, just concentrate on making him feel that you love him regardless, don't worry about "encouraging" him to behave in a way you think is more "himself". It sounds like "himself" at the moment is a little boy in a copying stage!

also: try not to think of it so negatively - "he is such a sheep, I can't believe how bad he is" sounds rather horrid about a 3 year old tbh.

Kids have an amazingly good radar for generalized disapproval even when we think we are showing no signs of it, and it can really be undermining, so one good thing you can do for him is try not to think this way.

I know how it reads pombear but ive not even remarked on it to him.
Im too worried he is insecure already so don't want to make him think I don't like his behaviour.

I just observe then ask if he enjoyed football/nursery and say stuff like, I seen your goal, well done or I loved your painting your good at that.

I know how 3 yr olds all copy but you have to see this to understand I guess.

No other boys are doing this to this extent and im also a bit fed up of the nursery telling me he is copying this or copying that. It is more extreme than the other kids tendancy to copy.

sneak my son (9) has always been a little like this and only now is brave enough to idsagree with mepopel or start to do his own thing a bit more

Your son is still very young and children this age do tend to look to others for cues and ideas, and they play alongside rather than 'with' others.

What is he like at home?

Also the nursery needs to be working with you to help your son, rather than just keep describing what he is doing.

your son is drawn to the noisy worse behaved boys because 1. they stand out more and 2. it looks like fun. He is too little yet to realise the cosequences of his actions.

try to relax about him-he will start to assert himself more as he matures but he needs your support and help to build his confidence ; and try not to watch him like a hawk and think the worst (which I am guilty of)

disagree with people (bad typing)

Cybbo has put it very well.

But I do think that some kids naturally become "leaders" and others "followers". DS1 is now 11 and went through a phase of gravitating towards the naughty boys, laughing at their antics and generally following their lead. He grew out of this by the time he was 7 or 8 when he realised that such kids were actually a pain in the arse, and he didn't have to get himself into trouble but could disengage and be his own person.

Your DS is too young at the moment, but as he gets older you can help him learn this too.

It doesn't help if there is a disproportionately big ratio of clever confident children in your sons class

Thanks cybbo and mrsdepp.

Im probably worrying because I was such an insecure kid and I am paranoid my kids will be as insecure as me.

I hide it well (I think) as an adult but you do worry if your bad traits will still rub off somehow.

I probably am over thinking it but I do make a point of sitting back and letting him get on with it.

Fingers crossed it's just a phase. x

I'm sure he will grow out fo it. In the mean time can you nicely/calmly ask your son more leading questions? IE - about the coach 'how do you think he felt when you would't sit down?' Can you help him think about things from other peoples view point? Can you have play dates with nicer boys - and he can take cues from their good behaviour instead?

I honestly wouldn't make a big deal out of it to him. I wouldn't ask him any questions, don't highlight it at all. You need to try and distract him when he starts and get him interested in playing something else....the nursery need to do this too. There are lots of techniques to help, it doesn't sound to me they are trying hard enough to help. Your ds will grow out of it.... X

I think the younger ones in a nursery/pre-school all start out by copying the older ones. He will soon be an older one and the others will copy him. He'll then start to gain confidence. He's not a sheep -he's just showing an amazing ability to adapt to his environment - which is a good skill.