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Parenting

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Original poster

Am in shock at MIL actions! Am I too sensitive?

26 replies

inkyminky · 19/09/2005 12:05

We visited my MIL & FIL this w/end. They live a long way away and this is only the second time they have seen DS since he was born, now 4 months old. They encouraged us to go for a walk and relax after the 4 hour drive, I stressed my concerns as DS has has colic and is generally a very sensitive baby but worried they thought I didnt trust them so off we went...returned 1 hour later with DS screaming his little heart out, lying in his cot with poor FIL not knowing what to do, the MIL didnt like the crying so she had taken the dog out for a walk!!!! DP thinks the sun shines out of her bottom and said I have to appreciate she is quite old (in her 60's). hhhmmmm.

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dinosaur · 19/09/2005 12:06

Well, my jaw has just hit the desk with a clang!

Poor litle soul...

Moomin · 19/09/2005 12:09

poor ds and poor you! she sounds a bit bonkers! I'd be very upset about this if it were me, but I think given the circumstances you have to use this as a live-and-learn experience. You don't want to upset your dh; it's over and done with now, ds was upset but not harmed (just negelected). You'll just know for next time not to leave him with her again.
Try not to dwell on it. It's not like you'll be seeing them very often is it? Next time you'll know not to trust her!

koalabear · 19/09/2005 12:11

different generation - different ideas

distinctly remember my MIL saying, whilst my 2 week old son was crying, that I should put him in the pram and leave him at the bottom of the garden - "he'll soon learn not to cry and manipulate you" - hmmmm

needless to say, she didn't get to babysit my son for quite some time .....

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motherinferior · 19/09/2005 12:13

So she's in her 60s - that's the Doctor Spock generation, FFs, not Truby King! I'm so sorry. Totally out of order, I think.

Ulysees · 19/09/2005 12:17

FFS my mum is 75, MIL is 82 and no way would they do this Sorry, this gets my goat as DS1 had severe colic and I thought I'd go mad (well tbh did for a wee bit) what with lack of sleep etc.. FGS this woman only had him for an hour, how does she think you cope? ARGHHHH

Ulysees · 19/09/2005 12:18

Arghhhh still fuming

Original poster

inkyminky · 19/09/2005 12:21

Thanks everyone, a reaxing weekend it was not, even after telling her he was afraid when the dog barked she still had the bloody thing running around barking his head off without saying a word whilst DS cried everytime he did. DP did step in at that point thank god and we went home.

OP posts:

dinosaur · 19/09/2005 12:22

Sorry it was so stressful inkyminky.

Pennies · 20/09/2005 12:31

This sounds like the sort of thing my mum would do. Just put it down to experience (albeit a horrible one) and make a mental note to try and avoid similar situations in the future.

I am very strict with my mum about her dogs (horrible yappy things with no training whatsoever) and have said I will refuse to go to her house if she does not control them.

As for leaving your baby to cry then - god forbid - should this happen again you should speak to her about it and tell her you think it is acceptable. Hard to do but worth it for your own peace of mind. Hard if DP is sticking up for her tho.

Gobbledigook · 20/09/2005 12:35

OMG - you are joking?? Oh my effing GOd - I'd kill the woman.

Gobbledigook · 20/09/2005 12:35

What a fantastic reason never to visit the outlaws again though

auntymandy · 20/09/2005 12:36

Could Fil not pick him up? I do think its strange MIL going out , but surely he could have picked him up and jiggled him a bit?!

Pennies · 20/09/2005 12:37

Sorry meant to say " tell her you think it is UNacceptable".

Note to self - preview posts before posting.

Bugsy2 · 20/09/2005 12:41

Poor you, inkyminky. Sounds so familiar. They seem to have a totally different way of thinking - God knows how we all made it to adulthood!!!
She'll probably get better as your children get older - my diehard "let them bawl - its good for their lungs" mother certainly has. Comfort yourself with the fact that this was a one off and fortunately your ds won't remember it.
She did start off with the best of intentions, trying to let you have some time to relax - obviously just had no idea how to cope with a colicky baby and took a rather cowardly way out by walking away.

auntymandy · 20/09/2005 12:46

maybe she took the dog out because she thought it was upsetting the baby?

monkeytrousers · 20/09/2005 19:26

Did she brink her own babies up in Truby King style, Inky?

Original poster

inkyminky · 20/09/2005 20:18

I am amazed my DP has turned out as normal as he has I wish she had been as thoughtfull as to take the dog out because she thought it was upsetting him but no she didnt clock onto that all weekend, even when she said "Ive got to squirt the air freshner now and that makes the dog go mad" (after I told her it upset him), I cringed, she went ahead squirty, squirty, bark, bark, and "WWaaaah" Oh well, I certainly appreciate my Mum more now.

It was very funny when he was sick on her though, she held him at arms length and thrust him back at me saying she had to clean herself up immediately as it was disgusting.

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monkeytrousers · 20/09/2005 20:23

What a crone!

Ulysees · 20/09/2005 20:23

She didn't spray with baby in the room though?

at sick

ssd · 20/09/2005 20:24

Good on him, I hope she doesn't get the sick out!!

She probably took the dog out as she thought the baby crying was upsetting the dog.............

Keep visits few and far between and don't leave them with your ds!!

Original poster

inkyminky · 20/09/2005 20:27

lol ssd, your probably right and yes she squirted whilst he was feeding, went from happy bunny to terrified rabbitt in 2 seconds.

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Jackstini · 20/09/2005 20:30

IM - hopefully with the crying and sick she will not offer again - problem solved! You and baby happy

ssd · 20/09/2005 20:31

poor wee guy

If you ever do visit again make sure you arrive with him in a dirty nappy and say to her can you change him whilst I nip to the loo. See how long she takes on her walk that day .

WigWamBam · 20/09/2005 20:32

Is this their first grandchild? Maybe they've just forgotten what to do with babies! When I first had dd (MIL's only grandchild) she used to hold her at arm's length, as though she were radioactive, and had no idea what to do when dd cried or was sick. The only thing that worked for me was to actually spell things out to her - "she's crying because she needs a cuddle and a sleep, so hold her close to you and rock her", or "if you use the spray and the dog goes mad, it will wake the baby, so please can you not use the spray just yet - maybe you could wait until the dog goes out".

I think that your dh needs to take your side more as well. Apart from the fact that 60s isn't old, so there should be no need to make allowances on that score, he needs to appreciate that his priorities lie with you and your ds now, and he should be backing you up more than he seems to be doing.

swedishmum · 20/09/2005 20:38

You poor thing. It all sounds horrible. Can you have a word with your dh when you've calmed down a bit and say how hard it is for you, and tell him he really needs to support you?

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