Babysitter in the house - much screaming!

[trulyscrumptious43]

My 18yr old DD babysits a 3yr girl old several times a week. The toddler is dropped off at our house about 6pm and the mother returns to collect her around 11 -12pm.
The toddler is quite sweet but doesn't have any routine for bedtime.
DD puts her up to sleep in her bed at around 10pm. This results in the toddler screaming for a very long time. My daughter finds it hard to cope.
I think that the child normally watches a film before bed, well we don't have TV and even if we did, that wouldn't be our routine.
Tonight I have had to intervene and tell the toddler that she has to be quiet before my DD will return to the room.
Miraculously, it seems to have worked after 20 mins of us lurking downstairs.
My DS is 13 and it's a school night for him.
It's a lot of disruption to have in the house but I want to support my DD earning a living before she goes to Uni next year.

DD can't look after toddler at their house as we live in the sticks and there's no way of her getting home afterwards.

Could your DD not maybe get some sort of saturday job instead?

Bless her heart she's doing 5 part time jobs - most of them at the weekend. She's saving for Uni next year.
I'm wondering how much I should get involved as it's not my child.

could your daughter babysit the child in her own home? must be disruptive for the child to be in and out of strange beds. is she woken at midnight when her mum collects her? sounds a bit of an odd set up to me.

what are these 5 part time jobs? does she need to save as such for uni? is she worried she won't get a job while she's at uni? presu ably she'll get her student loan etc?

This arrangement just doesn't sound worth it. It's not fair on the toddler your DS or your DD. Nor you really.

Yes it is a bit of an odd set up, you're right ruddy. Waiting now for the toddler's mum to pick her up after work, I really feel like saying something but would prefer not to get involved.
Normally I'm asleep by the time the mother arrives.

The 5 part time jobs - DD is a bit of a workaholic (outside the home anyway!) and fair play to her I reckon, she doesn't want to get into too much debt in the future. She's saving for a trip abroad next year and then some money for Uni expenses.

Actually I should mention that this toddler is quite unruly and is very often rude to DD and bites her regularly. For which she is put on the naughty stair. From where she screams and screams...

I think if you say something it needs to be to your DD doesn't it? That it's yours and your DS's home too. It'd then be down to your DD to quit or discuss an alternative arrangement with her employer.

Yes I think so Paisley. I have chatted to DD tonight and she is so apologetic and sad, I think 'oh poor her' and go all soft.
Of course, that's where my biological ties lie, not with small screaming person, who I would like to put in the garden....I am very self controlled luckily!

Good grief, sounds like an utter brat.

Surely a Macjob would be easier/less stressful?

Could she stay over at the toddler's house?

How does the girl your DD babysits get back home? Couldn't your DD babysit her there and be taken back by them, or given money for a taxi?

Having someone else's child screaming in your house isn't fair on any of you who live there.

I think the problem with toddler lies in the fact that the mother lets her go free range at home. So she comes here and doesn't recognise a boundary when she sees one.
Mother is out teaching 'Ecstatic Dancing' - there's a whole new thread in that!

Does your daughter have any childcare experience or qualifications? If she is "babysitting" several times a week this sounds like organised childcare not just an occasional "going out".

at ecstatic dancing. Is the child called Wind, River or Kalahari by any chance?

Scurry - My DD has got lots of experience in childcare, she looks after another family's x3 children, very happily I should add. She'll be living with that family for a week next month, she's looked after them for years.
Do you mean you think she should be registered?

Mumblechum - The toddler is called the welsh word for light. I must not talk any more about this side of it, as it would be v naughty I think!

I just wonder if she is being taken advantage of where the mother should be using proper childcare rather than an informal babysitter.

truly I do think if she is not looking after the child in her own home she is treading on dodgy ground about not being registered.

I think a better solution would be for her to babysit the child at her house and stop the night or be given money for a taxi.

Yes it feels a bit like that. A quarter to 12 and the mum hasn't arrived yet. If I don't stay awake, DD, who sleeps like a log, won't hear the door.So we are both being taken for a ride I think.
Would anyone else let this happen in their house, am I just being precious?
I'm a single mum myself and needed my friends' help a lot when I was working and DD was small.
Now mine are big I want my peace!

what about trying to have your own structure when she stays over. Tea, bath, lots of calming books, milk then listen to some soothing music or some songs in bed? Is it worth asking the mum if she has anything at all she does that could be included a the routine. Must be a nightmare!

Skybluepearl I think we do need to try and instill a routine. The thing is the toddler doesn't have a bedtime at home, unless you call watching a film every night a routine. We are now stuck with the problem of trying to introduce routine to child who has never had one!

so the 3yo is staying up til 10pm? no wonder she's playing up she's probably overtired poor lil mite, i blame the mother but unfortunately its not your place to tell her how to be a good mum.

You(and your dd) can however sit her down and say this current arrangement is not working and she either needs to work with you to get a appropriate bedtime routine in place, or pay the taxi fair for your dd to get home after babysitting at her house, as its not fair on, well every 1 involved! Also as you've said u've done your bit and now its time for peace!!