I am tired

[NotAnotherBrick]

I'm tired from having no sleep

I'm tired from all the emotional work involved in having children

I'm tired of the fact that every time I'm ratty because of being tired, the children play up

I'm tired of trying to work out how to get them not to play up

I'm tired of doing the things I've worked out will help them not to play up

I'm tired of my life, today, tired, tired, tired

It's always me who has to do it all. It's always me who has to notice there's a problem, work out what it is, work out how to fix it, and the put in all the energy and time to do the things needed to fix it

I would love to deal with them bickering by giving them all a very hard slap every time one of them snatches something, or whines at me that someone else has their thing, or hurts one of the others

I would love to break everything in the house, right now

I would love to not be stupid enough to drink tea before bed, which keeps me awake at night, even though I relish having the one cup of tea of the day that I don't have to make sure is safe from a child

I would love not to care about my children, so I didn't have to feel this guilt every time I lose my temper

I would love to not feel the huge weight of responsibility of how the whole family runs on MY shoulders

I would love it if the mood of the family didn't always reflect my moods so much

I would love it if everything didn't depend on me so much

Oh joy! More screeching from upstairs.

Sorry you are suffering. What ages are your DCs? (kind supportive emoticon)

Sorry you're having a tough time. I think we can probably all associate with quite a lot of your list. It helps me to think that one day DS will be grown up and I'll have my life back. I'll probably be too old and knackered to do anything fun though :)

4 of them, 2-7, home educated...not that I could deal with the stress of getting them all up every morning if they were in school.

That is hard.

I did home ed for a short while with 2 ages 8 and 5, I think it is also stressful in a different way from doing school. I often felt very alone and burdened during the day, it is like having to put on an act 24-7 to be the role model who never does anything criminal like staying up late to have a cup of tea. Going out to the shops was always a major hassle too, having to bring them along demanding stuff and needing toilets/food every 5 seconds.

I still feel like that often unfortunately even with them in school, and able to shop (for THEM) alone sometimes! No "me" time.

I thought you were me for a minute until you said you had 4 DCs and they were home educated.

Do you ever get a break from them?

Yes, I get plenty of breaks, Dance. I get a couple of hours every evening. I get two or three hours twice a week when DH has a day off or my mum is over; and every few weeks I get a whole day to myself when DH takes them to his parents for hte day.

It's enough time, but I always know when I haven't had a break for a while!

Oh dear you sound very down indeed. Do you have any help around anyone to give you some time off? Or is that a silly question? I have felt those things on that list a few times in my life even without children! Maybe you need to see the doc? You sound depressed? I used to be like that I went on anti depressants which helped a bit. Once I came out the other side after about 4 yrs of crap I love my DS and have another on the way I dont have as many as you do so its harder. But there will be a time when this will start to calm down and you will be able to breath again and enjoy your children. its just a hard slog now. See if you can get someone to help dont feel like this on your own you need support.

no. I'm stuck in the fucking house as one child, who is too big to phsycially force, is refusing to go out. I have lots of friends but none who is able at all to come today. My husband can't or won't leave work - physical illness would be fine - mental illness no. My mum is in meetings all day. I am so mad right now. I had an hour or so of calm, but now I am livid again. I am feeling totally trapped with no adults around. I have over 7 hours to survive and I feel like I'm in a fucking horror film.

I am depressed, I know that, but mostly I have it under control, with the odd really shit day. Days like this are now very, very rare.

That is such a great idea! I will definitely do that next time.

Today, I opted for 'yell very, very loudly a lot, and then guilt-trip them into behaving themselves by being all upset that we weren't acting like a team and we needed to work together to sort out this crappy day'. It did the trick!

We went to sainsburys and did the shopping; I bought them lunch there; then we came home and the horrid one helped me make some jam and she was an angel. Biggest one played with youngest one to keep her happy. 3yo played on the computer. No more shouting.