More fussy eater advice needed.....

[Greedymonster]

Be gentle on me, this is my first attempt at a thread after many years lurking........

I have identical DTS's, 3.10. Both are pretty fussy eaters. Basically this really bugs me. I am naturally greedy and love food and cooking.

So for the last 18 months or so I have adopted a strategy of no fuss (from me!) at meal times, but no pudding unless first course consumed (in the case of new foods just tried rather than eaten completely). They accept this, but mostly just forgo pudding rather than eat something new. Some successes - they will now eat pasta and baked beans, which were previously a no-no. But many things off limits and eating at friends houses is an embarrassing nightmare (shouting 'mummy what is this, it's yucky!' while holding noses was a bit of a low point....)

They take the long view, however hungry they might be. For instance, yesterday I served up roast. DTS1 ate all the bits he liked (potato, meat and peas) but wouldn't try the squash. DTS2 had a raging fit that I had the nerve to put squash on his plate and demanded its removal. I said no and so he ate nothing. We went out in the afternoon and he was foul as very hungry. Generally if I serve something new they won't try it, and eat nothing 'till the next meal (and fight and moan as they are hungry!). As such I am at a loss as to how to get them to try new things.

I rarely do snacks. They don't like a lot of food that I would have thought would be child-heaven (fish fingers, jelly, haribo sweets). They have 5 or so stock main dishes and about the same number of 'light' meals like boiled eggs.

My DH is fussy, and can also take it or leave it if it doesn't grab him. He will now eat pretty much anything with a few exceptions but if left to his own devices his diet would be beige.

Any ideas/tips/empathy!?! Am I perhaps expecting too much from 3 year olds?

I'll empathise on the going to friends houses for lunch. I now don't do it except for certain friends who understand that DS wont eat. It is just too embarassing when DS doesn't eat anything and wants to get down after seeing what is on offer. However much I explain it isn't their cooking I still get the looks.

But I'm jealous of what your DTS's eat. I'd be very happy for DS to eat potato, meat and peas. Maybe instead of focussing on what they wont eat, just look at what they do eat and maybe it is a good balanced diet on it's own. Not what you'd choose in an ideal world but fine in the grand scheme of things.

I'm a foodie and feel your pain.In fact 4 of us in my family are foodies,1 is fussy

I posted on the other thread and have non identical twins(now 7).1 is fab as is my other child but twin2 was/is exactly the same as your 2.

I handled it exactly the same as you.I had a strictly no fuss,no alternatives approach and it works to some degree. I also had/have an unlimited fruit bowl.

My fussy eater has a healthy varied diet however he still refuses to try new things other than a nibble(I'm happy with that as previously he'd gag if trying anything new). My one rule is limited trash but he has treats, the occasional MD,sweets on special occasions. He never demands trash but interestingly anything not good in vast quantities he'd love.

I just stuck to our 3 healthyish meals a day,mostly ones he liked/tolerated with a thing he didn't sometimes as a side. There was always at least half a meal he'd like.I never made him eat the lot but if he had a good bash he'd get pudding if we had them which we rarely do. He'd go to bed hungry sometimes.

However now he'll grudgingly eat things he doesn't like eg plain rice(I think because he knows that's all there is).

He loves all breakfast food-porridge,toast,fruit,cereal etc so no probs there.

Lunch gets a bit trickier as he likes humus (if it's at home with pitta bread),cheese, peanut butter,jam(no salad inside of any description,only carrot sticks).He only likes cheddar or parmesan so no cheese strings ,Baby Bel etc. Loves yog and most fruit.bread sticks and cream cheese.Hates flapjack or anything new I dare to put in. I let him have a choc crepe as a treat occasionally.They never have crisps much to his annoyance.

Tea he likes pasta with tom sauce(has only recently tolerated a few flecks of basil on his plate,previously painstakingly forked every fleck out),roast minus the veg unless it's carrots,sweetcorn and peas,cottage pie,fish fingers,jacket potatoes. Will now tolerate a mild curry if it's served with curry free rice,popadoms and mango chutney. Starting to tolerate rice with smears of curry on.

Basically it's all the foods he was weaned on that are safe to him. Thank god I did vary it a bit and do what you're doing.We all eat together but dp and I now get 2 meals alone when they have a school dinner so we can indulge in a Thai green curry or other foodie food.

Basically hang in there it does get better. It's different for you as your twins are identical so will have the same tastes,mine aren't hence I have 1 of each as genetically they're different. You haven't caused it they are who they are and I do think it must be hard for kids like this in a foodie house.I keep reminding myself when dtwin is at his most infuriating foodwise that he can't help it and I can't change him. Also he won't starve,he's my biggest child-very healthy weight. Interestingly his foodie twin is the skinny one.

Not getting stressed is a big help imvho,it really is pointless and when you look at what they're eating it really isn't half bad.

Thanks Cam. You're probably right, I'm setting the bar too high as usual! It's just so frustrating that they don't eat standard stuff like fish fingers or fruit! Whilst the stuff they eat is OK (shepherds pie, roast, spag bol) is it's just so soul destroying serving up the same things week after week. Don't be too jealous - the only veg they eat is peas (and now baked beans - does that count?!?).

I always thought I wouldn't have fussy eaters.....

Mila - when your twins were younger did they try and use not liking something to create a point of difference between them? Often mine try and appropriate food as 'theirs' so one will eat humous and the other won't touch it because he regards it as belonging to the other twin. Joy!

No because they're totally different.My sister has identicals and it's a completely different ball game,think I've heard her mention similar things.

Mine are so different,the foodie twin just was never interested in what the other was eating to be frank-too busy troffing.

Dtwin 2 was pea only then he branched out to carrots then....... sweetcorn. Oh the excitement!!!!!

I hate it as still those are the only 3 veg he'll eat other than baked beans and they're all so starchy and boooooring.

I refuse to only serve those up,so I'll serve broccoli,green beans etc too. Actually think he's starting to like roast parsnips which is sadly quite exciting.

I have 1 fussy eater out of 3. I think ds1's mild autism has made his fussiness worse, but dh was similar at his age and was on the beige diet when I met him

My twins(age 5) eat everything bar a couple of dislikes, so I do't think it's anything to do with what I did. Ds1 (age8) just has a lot of anxiety around food.

I have taken the other tack.
I've never let anyone go hungry (haven't got it in me).
I do what I think is reasonable. Eg it's no extra work for me to put in some fishfingers for ds1 when the rest of us are having lamb chops.
Ds2's only dislike is egg, so if we're all having an omlette he'll have a cheese sandwich.

I have no problem with ds1 having bread and butter whilst we have mash.

I have tried to take the stress out of eating for ds1 (because it's so upsetting seeing him anxious about it) whilst ensuring he has a balanced diet.

If we all have a tuna sandwich he'll have his usual jam or marmite with some nuts so he gets the protein.

I would never not give him pudding because we have fruit with icecream or yoghurt and the odd crumble-this makes up an important part of his diet with vitamins/dairy /carbs.

He has got so so much better. When he was 3 he was eating about 4 things! I think 2/3 is probably peak age for fussiness.

I find stress free situations away from the table help with new food-eg he'll walk past me cooking and I'll say you can stick your finger in to try and so he does!
Getting him cooking with me is good-and yes i have cooked with 3 year old twins and a 5 year old-just clear up later!

Pick your own fruit and a friend's allotment have been where he's first tried the fruit and veg he will eat.

School dinners helped too.

I use a tip I got from toddler taming years ago. If you buy a ready prepared new dish then you won't be so upset when they reject it. So we started with ready made pizza( 1st cheese ds1 ever ate!) and now they help me make the bases and put the toppings on.

A basic diet may be boring, but it's ok as long as it's ok nutritionally.

Bear in mind people like my dh who didn't have curry/pizza/anything much beyond roast dinner until he was in his twenties.

Actually, one twin is more fussy than the other (the other has tried some new things recently - like sausages.... although only once). The fussiest one is also the clingy one at the moment and we're having a lot of control type issues with him, like the fact that he doesn't like DH doing bath time and throws a massive hooley about it. Me and DH are both pretty stubborn and I think that's part of the problem. Coupled with just liking what he knows...... (over, and over and over again....)

I am buoyed by your tales of success (carrots! sweetcorn! basil!!)

We do the veg plot thing and they will try stuff straight from the garden (like strawberries) but as soon as I take them into the kitchen they won't eat them.

I do need to do more cooking with them, I have to say that the fighting over who gets to stand where and do what in what order makes the experience more than a little wearing......