Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Can you spoil a 10 week old baby?

31 replies

MichelleM · 18/08/2003 11:05

Just wondering what are your views on whether a 10 week old baby can be spoilt. My parents have told me they think I am spoiling my DS, and it has really upset me as I dont want to spoil my baby.

Sometimes DS cries because he wants lifted for a cuddle, or just wants to have a change of scenery. So when I lift him he stops crying.
I just see this as trying to attend to his needs, and helping him be content, but my parents think that because he stops crying when lifted then "there was nothing wrong with him", and I am teaching him bad habits.

Have any of you had similar comments? Do you think a baby can be spoiled this young?

Thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Oakmaiden · 18/08/2003 11:07

You cannot spoil a young baby. By responding to him you are teaching him the you are there for him, and that whatever needs he has you will do you best to fulfill. He will learn to trust and that he is important. Ignore your parents - they are wrong.

Mo2 · 18/08/2003 11:08

What rubbish...
He's way too young to be 'spoilt'. He's barely been out of the womb/ separated from Mummy and it's all scarey and confusing.
Go with your instincts, I'd say....

I wish I had a 10 week old baby to cuddle again

ScummyMummy · 18/08/2003 11:10

No you can't. Keep doing your lovely mummy thing, Michelle. Your ds is very lucky and he'll thrive on you meeting his needs so brilliantly, I'm sure.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Davros · 18/08/2003 11:17

No you can't! They are just jealous of your closeness and bonding. I'm sure they don't mean to be. Enjoy your baby, its a lovely time.

lou33 · 18/08/2003 11:26

Definitely not.

WideWebWitch · 18/08/2003 12:17

Agree, no you can't. Ignore them and do what's right for you. I liked a tip I read here which was: when someone gives you unwelcome/unwanted advice, raise an eyebrow and say "interesting" while carrying on doing whatever it was you wanted to do anyway.

soothepoo · 18/08/2003 12:51

What is it with people? I had my sister, who has two children, tell me I was making a rod for my own back by picking up my 4 week old dd whenever she cried. I'm sure she was telling me with the best of intentions, but I just could not leave dd crying. You CANNOT spoil a child by loving them and cuddling them. You should do what you feel comfortable and happy doing and what makes your ds happy.

FairyMum · 18/08/2003 12:54

What a strange thing to say. I never think of cuddling and responding to my children's need as spoiling them eventhough they are a lot older than your baby (2 and 7). I never heard of a child who got spoilt on "love" and "attentiveness".

FairyMum · 18/08/2003 12:55

What a strange thing to say. I never think of cuddling and responding to my children's need as spoiling them eventhough they are a lot older than your baby (2 and 7). I never heard of a child who got spoilt on "love" and "attentiveness".

arnold · 18/08/2003 13:46

Definitely not - its called being a loving mum. Enjoy it and ignore the comments which I know from experience is really hard to do but you have to do what feels right. I still get similar comments but surely giving love and cuddles is a big part of being a parent. How can you spoil someone with too much love whether they are 10 weeks or 50yrs old.

sobernow · 18/08/2003 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sobernow · 18/08/2003 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wickedstepmother · 18/08/2003 13:57

Nonsense. I cuddled my now 12 month old DD constantly for the first couple of months and she is no more or less clingy than any other toddlers I know.

Please don't listen to your all of your parents advice. I'm sure they mean well but things are very very different nowadays, just think they would be 'potty training' my DD by now in their day !

boyandgirl · 18/08/2003 14:15

My mum followed her 'instructions' to the letter with my older brother, never feeding him before the scheduled time, never picking him up just because he was crying, and so on. Apparently she used to sit in the next room crying until she could go to him. With the rest of us she said 'never again!' and picked us up, fed us, cuddled, played, whatever, as and when she felt we needed. Whether it made any difference to us, I don't know, but it made a big difference to my mum and dad! They were much much happier.

Personally, I think that the most important thing for any baby or child to learn is that mummy and daddy love them and will always be there to help them, and that starts by giving them the love they need. A young baby cries not just from distress, but because it's their only way of communicating at first. I don't think you can spoil them by letting them know that you will resopond if they want you.

Go on cuddling ds while you can - he won't let you in 10-12 years!

boyandgirl · 18/08/2003 14:15

My mum followed her 'instructions' to the letter with my older brother, never feeding him before the scheduled time, never picking him up just because he was crying, and so on. Apparently she used to sit in the next room crying until she could go to him. With the rest of us she said 'never again!' and picked us up, fed us, cuddled, played, whatever, as and when she felt we needed. Whether it made any difference to us, I don't know, but it made a big difference to my mum and dad! They were much much happier.

Personally, I think that the most important thing for any baby or child to learn is that mummy and daddy love them and will always be there to help them, and that starts by giving them the love they need. A young baby cries not just from distress, but because it's their only way of communicating at first. I don't think you can spoil them by letting them know that you will resopond if they want you.

Go on cuddling ds while you can - he won't let you in 10-12 years!

fisil · 18/08/2003 14:34

I believe that when you stay home with your baby instead of getting paid in money, you get paid in cuddles.

SamboM · 18/08/2003 14:43

No. Spoil away!

Original poster
MichelleM · 18/08/2003 15:37

Thank you all so much for your warm and encouraging comments......it has really made a difference to the way i feel. I think so much of my parents that it had just really upset me that they thought i was going the wrong way about things. You have all given me the boost i needed to just continue as i am, and just enjoy every minute with my DS.

DS has also just rewarded me with a big chuckle and grin, so am feeling on top of the world again.

Thanks.

OP posts:
OldieMum · 18/08/2003 17:48

Penelope Leach has wise words on this topic - children this young are not capable of 'just crying'. They just have needs. Learning that mummy comes when you cry is the beginning of learning how to communicate with you. People have peculiar ideas about manipulative behaviour by babies. I held onto dd for most of the night after giving birth and was told off by a nurse who said that she needed to 'learn the parameters'!.

Lennie · 19/08/2003 19:50

No way can you spoil a child, particularly one this age, with lots of cuddles. I read somewhere that children who are given lots of affection between 0 & 12 months are actually more secure and happy than children who receive limited affection. They are confident that their parents will be there when they need them, therefore they don't need to ask for reassurance so often.

Besides, I want lots of cuddles from DS so until he's taller than me, he'll just have to lump it

Angeliz · 19/08/2003 20:47

I think that there's a fine line between spoilt and adored! I adore (as i'm sure we all do!) my dd who is now 2+half! I allow her to be "independant" in certain ways like, choosing her own clothes...as many cuddles as i can get in one day....putting on her T.V when i want to watch the news and assuring her that i think Andy Pandy is great, (cause she really wants me to enjoy it too.) But i also have rules, she knows she has a bedtime, she knows she can choose one treat when we're shopping, she KNOWS she cant terrorise our dog .I think it's hard to get a happy medium but it's possible and i certainly dont think you're spoiling your DS with cuddles and re-assurance! You can NEVER please eveyone all of the time as i too found out when i became a mum!

Angeliz · 19/08/2003 20:48

OOH just looked at my post, i'm not implying i'm a perfect mum!

tomps · 20/08/2003 14:14

After my c-section I was lucky enough to have 6 weeks with my feet up and my mum, his mum and mum doing cooking etc. I used this opportunity to cuddle dd as much as poss and often held her while she was sleeping which of course everyone told me was 'spoiling her' and I should have put her down in her cot. I say B*L**KS to the lot of them - dd is SO self confident and outgoing and in no way needs to be held all the time because of her early experience. And I've realised that if we have a brother or sister for her, I'll never have that opportunity again just to hold my baby in my arms as nature intended. So MichelleM I agree with you - foloow your instincts - you can't do him any harm if you listen to your and his needs.

eidsvold · 20/08/2003 18:29

no - as simple as that.... not had any comments like that but your baby doesn't have the reasoning to work out what being spoiled is at this stage. They cry for a reason - they need something - cuddle, change of scenery, feed, nappy change etc....that need needs to be met and then they are fine.

Ignore your parents.

newgirl · 20/08/2003 19:04

I completely agree with you all. New question however for all the experienced mums out there; at what age do you think we might start spoiling them? my little one is 14 months and is starting to make her point of view very clear!