Emetophobe needs help! Can you help me formulate a strategy for dealing with sick bugs

[mammabelleboo]

Hi. Wasn't too sure where to post this - need a bit of guidance.
I am emetophobic and am terrified of my 5 yo dd getting a sick bug...but I'm also a realist - she's just started school and I know it's only a matter of time before she does come down with something. I think I could cope (maybe!) if I had a stragey in place to deal with it so was just wondering how you all cope?
How do you clean sick off carpets - what's most effective?
How can I try and ensure no-one else catches it, apart from the obvious cleaning and hand washing (the thought of me trying to deal with a sick child when I'm also sick terrifies me)
Do children give you any warning they will be sick or do they just throw up without warning? Will I get her to the loo on time?
I have stocked up with a washing up bowl to use as a sick bowl and various disinfectant sprays and rubber gloves, just in case.
Sorry, I know this sounds pathetic, but it puts the fear of God into me at this time of year as that awful Norovirus is lurking waiting to strike and I'm really panicking.
In previous years but I was slightly more relaxed but this year I feel it's inevitable she'll get something as I know these things spread like wildfire through schools, so it's only a matter of time. DD has only ever been sick 2 times in her life and that was due to coughing fits so she hasn't actually ever had a bug. I also know she will be awful to handle as she already has a fear too - throwing up the last time was particularly traumatic for her. Both times it happened in bed and every night when i put her to bed she will ask me "Will I be sick tonight?" as she is so frightened of it - talk about chip off the old block. Any advice gladly received. Thanks

I suffered from this (along with a fear of needles and dentists) from my teens up till I was about 25. I was sure I'd never want to have children because of the morning sickness. It sorted itself out over a couple of years- the sickness phobia went when I finally was sick for the first time as an adult at 25, and with the others I just got my head around it when I really needed dental treatment and blood tests, then got pregnant! None of it is enjoyable but I don't give it much thought anymore. So there is hope (even though IME you almost don't want to get over it, because then you'll have to do it..)

I've been working with U5's in a nursery for years and can honestly say there are children and staff who pick up everything going and there are some who never do (I've had 2 bugs in 8 years, and am not a clean freak at all). It sounds like your DD could be the latter.

Finally, if you do need to clean up I recommend dustpan and brush/cloth for the initial mess, which you can rinse and disinfect afterwards. Clean with detergent (lather disguises the chunks), then clean water, then a spray of something to kill germs if your cleaner doesn't, and then most importantly blot it as dry as poss or it'll smell. Sure there are many ways about it though.

I'm an emetophobe. Really quite terrified and always have been. Up until March of this year I'd never been sick as an adult (and from a young age had only been sick very, very rarely). I'd always managed to not be sick, even if poorly.

In March of this year, all of us caught norovirus. I was sick for the first time in 2 decades, dh was really poorly for days and my dd had it for the first time, aged 3. I was petrified. My parents, brother and his family had had it and I knew as we'd seen them just before they came down with it that it could be on its way.

Firstly, the fear of it is so much worse than it actually happening. When it did happen, it was almost a relief because at least I was dealing with something and it then had a potential end date. Not like the interminable limbo of worrying it might happen.

I was very surprised at how well I managed dd. DH was locked in the other bathroom (we were on holiday) and of no use. So when dd began to vomit copiously (in bed), there was only me to deal with it. And the instinct to reassure her, to help her through it and to try and ensure she didn't see it as frightening so as not to end up phobic like me, meant that I handled it really well. I just became practical. Bath on, beds stripped, clothes stripped etc, all with an airy 'never mind, let's get cleaned up and then have a cuddle'.

Even at 3 she was able after that initial time to be sick into a bowl. She understood what she was feeling and reached for it. When I came down with it 12hrs later, we shared the bathroom and I had to work v hard to pretend it was all just fine and dandy. It really helped. My instinct was to protect her. From being ill and from developing the same phobia as I have.

She's got a book about the human body and she's really interested in how we work. So she sees vomitting as no different to sneezing. She actually thinks it's quite clever.

And having dealt with it once, I hope I can do it again.

I'm also hoping that in 3.5yrs, the fact that she's only had one norovirus (and recovered much faster than anybody else) means she's going to be fairly robust anyway.

What Showofhands says is true for me too, your instincts kick in and you do what is needed, and all the while pretending like it's nothing. You do feel relief when you finally have to deal with it. I'm hoping childbirth is the same- due on Monday :)

greentig3r, it is the same. As soon as my waters went and contractions started I thought well at least it's happening, chances are it'll be over before the week's out.

And you're allowed waaaaay more drugs for childbirth than you are for a gastrobug.

Oh and the baby produced during childbirth is much better than anything produced by norovirus.

lol! Lets hope so..

This thread makes me want to cry......

I too am emetophobic and have been since childhood. To the OP - I was your child! I remember going to bed each night as a child and I would say 'I won't be sick will I..?' - I needed that reassurance.

I haven't actually vomited for nearly 30 years but I know I will one day and the thought still terrifies me.

Showofhands - makes me really scared to know you can still vomit after years and years of not. So far I have managed to avoid sickness bugs myself but I may not always be that lucky. Did you 'know' you were going to be sick? I have felt nauseous many, many times over the years, sometimes severely, but I haven't vomited. How many times did it happen? Did you manage to get to the loo? I am sooo impressed with your attitude with your daughter. I'm afraid I haven't experienced that. My children are not too sicky luckily but they have got a few sickness bugs between them over the years. When it's happened I've just wanted to run away..... I feel so ashamed and like the worst mother ever. I'm scared I'm going to pass on the phobia to them (I have 3 children)...if they feel unwell I usually ask them if they feel sick...

I know that the fear is far, far worse than the thing itself. I know logically that vomiting is unpleasant but it's usually quick and over with soon. But I just can't help feeling the way I do.

Showofhands - also when you had the norovirus, was there any way you could have stopped yourself vomiting?

Another lifetime emetophobe here.

I don't want to get drawn into this discussion as I don't think it helps me to go into the minutiae of it, and I am afraid I don't have any great plans for dealing with the event.

But I wanted to offer my sympathy and understanding towards all fellow phobics (and say hi to my soul sister SOH ).

Oh a couple of things:

On the negative: no, in my experience, children do not necessarily learn to be tidy vomiters (I wish!)

On the positive: there is no inevitability that your child will pick up a bug this winter. I have four children, all of school age, and there have been very few occasions when they have picked up a bug. Each year, I think this must be the year, and I get all worked up, but often the year passes uneventfully. If you have a strong stomach (likely, if you are an emetophobe as many become phobic through lack of experience) then you are quite likely to pass that natural immunity onto your children.

And now I am going to hide this thread!

DG, I'd wave back but I suspect you've already hidden it.

Dancergirl, I was very rarely sick as a child. Had one episode of v severe food poisoning at 15 and was ill and that was it. Until March. I could NOT have stopped it. I am well versed in how to stop it. But it was like somebody telling me not to wee for 2 days. I couldn't have maintained it. For the first time in my life I couldn't stop it happening. Without being too graphic, I was stuck on the toilet (passing rusty water, it was going through that quickly), with a bucket between my legs to vomit into. It was violent. DH was seriously dehydrated and poorly, my niece was admitted to hospital with it. It wasn't your run of the mill, avoid if you can bug, it was hideous. But I had to minimise the impact of it so as not to upset dd and that forced me to deal with it efficiently. I was trembling, my heart was racing, but I was forced to try and bury that. And dh was being very ill in the other bathroom. I had to deal with dd and I had to look after myself. There was no choice. I went onto autopilot for a while. It was that or abandon a 2.10 month old who needed me to tell her it was all going to be alright.

Oh gosh, wasn't aware there are so many of us out there - sorry to evoke such feelings in some of you
Thanks for the practical advice - green, dustpan is at the top of my to do list for the weekend! Good luck with the impending birth
Show - your are my inspiration. I only hope my protective instincts for dd kick in too if needs be - can't help thinking they will be overriden with selfish fear for myself, but I can see where you are coming from - dd has to come first and I hope I don't let her down.
I am grateful for the thought that maybe dd has developed a strong stomach - although it does seem there is no hiding place from noro
Dancer and Dumble - so identify with how you feel, it's total pants isn't it what a way to live life, in fear like this. Carex handgel is my best friend. I carry it all the time in an effort to prevent illness - I hate the way I'm always thinking about it. At this time of the year I'm almost obessive. My local Morrisons must think I;m mad - there's the funny woman with the gel - who knows what's lurking on the trolley handle = why does it eve cross my mind . Thanks again - some great advice and although I wouldn't wish this phobia on anyone, it's comforting to know I;m not alone in how I feel. xx

mammabelleboo, there are a lot of us on here. It's a horrid, consuming phobia.

I have to say that having dd is the only thing that has ever forced me to keep it under control. DH pointed out that when she was younger the constant 'does she look ill, she does doesn't she, what if she's ill, can we go to xyz place in case she's ill, what if she gets something from her cousins when we visit etc' was only ever going to make her feel the same way as me. And I don't want that at all. She deserves better than that.

And you can probably ignore all of the above because at this moment in time I'm reeling from the phonecall informing me that my niece has gastroenteritis and SIL has started to feel sick. We spent Thursday with them. So the veneer of control is crumbling. We're on borrowed time until I ask dd how she feels.

Oh, Show really feel for you. Hope you all keep well - but if the worst happens, you've got through it once and you will again. you are such a good example of how to be and you can be strong again. Good Luck. xx

Im another here!

We have had several bouts of sickness this year already (surely we have had our share!!!) and the worry and anxiety has been actually worse than the bug!

I had mine under control until 2 years ago when my eldest (then 2yrs) had a really bad bug which she passed to me, i had her and a 3 month old to look after whilst ill, (no DH he was away) and it came back with a passion :(

Hope you all pass without illness Show :(

Showofhands - sorry to bump up this post again but it's taken me all this time to ask you something else.

When you were ill and sitting on the toilet - how many times were you sick? And then did it happen again hours later or was that it? And looking back now, was it as bad as you had thought? Are you less scared about it happening again?

I feel like a real idiot asking all these questions but I hope you will understand! Whenever I feel nauseous, the fear and terror I feel is the worst, worst thing. I've never been sick as an adult (around 30 years) but I know that one day 'it' will happen

I'm an emetophobe and my children each get 1-2 vomit bugs a year.

I handle the practical side, cleaning up with plenty of disinfectant and rubber gloves. The cleaning helps me to feel in control.

DP handles the emotional side - that is comforting the child and sleeping with them if necessary.

I have had norovirus numerous times (rarely caught from my children as my cleaning is so thorough). However, I have only vomited twice with it (the trick is to go nil-by-mouth the minute you feel it coming on - an acidy tum is the first symptom for me)

I am an emetophobe but I have had treatment for it (cbt) on the NHS and am much improved now. Have you considered approaching your GP about this Dancer? Your anxiety is palpable in your posts.

Another emetophobe of 20 years here too

My DD of 8 months had a raelly nasty tummy bug last week and I can confirm my protective instincts kick in but it is hard, I get so worried that I will catch it too but at at the end if the day if you are the only one there you have to deal with it

When either my DS or DD is sick I find it helps to stand behind them so as not to see it face on, you can rub back etc , once they have finished get them cleaned up and into clean clothes, comforted and settled perhaps watching TV etc Then get clothes, bedding etc and rince off i have been known to hose down outside and then put in washing machine - once i know children are comfortable doing this allows my stress levels to calm and keep in control

I have caught sickness bugs since having my children and the anxiety before being sick is worse than being sick because at that point you cannot control it

If it does happen, you will be suprised how well you cope in front of them etc with jolly phrases like better out than in etc

as someone who hates sick, it usually makes me gag too, i find that i cope better with dc's vomit because they are my dcs.

sat up 2 nights last week with dcs in turn. 2yr old was sick in cot, bundled it all up and put in bath(Open window and shut the door) to rinse off with shower and bung on a double wash in washing machine in the morning. we slept downstairs near the messy mat. held ds while he was sick into a cheap towel. you could always throw it away if its v cheap from supermarket etc.

dd was ill too. would have sat up with her but was too ill myself. before she has been able to sick in a bowl if held. recommend having a strong smelling disinfectaant around. you could always put a splash of it on loo roll in the bottom of the bowl as this makes it slightly less unpleasant.

do not put sicky clothes etc in the machine without rinsing first. you don't want to be cleaning bits out of the machine, believe me it's a lot worse.

Oh Lemonadegirl bless you! Lol at better out than in - a phrase I have used many a time myself.

We were all on a very choppy cross channel ferry once and dh was up on deck coping with ds who had been sick all over him. I was left with dd, holding a sick bag up to her mouth and stroking her back and cheerfully saying things like "don't worry, its just the sea making your tummy feel funny" and all that kind of bobbins, whilst my hands were literally shaking. But your reassuring instinct just seems to kick in. You would ultimately do anything to make your dc feel better. I think parenthood does help people get their emetophobia in perspective: ok, so you're emetophobic and you panic and feel anxious, but in the end you can deal with an episode of sickness in someone (anyone) because you just bloody well have to. And that's sort of empowering in a funny old way.

I have been afraid of being sick or people being sick since I was a child, when my dad would be sick quite a lot. Honestly, at some points in my life it felt like I woke up every morning to hear him coughing in the bathroom and then being sick. He was never 'ill' with it, just was sick very easily! He said when he shaved it made him gag for some reason. Gradually I came to fear him coughing as I assumed every time he coughed that he was going to be sick. It got to the point where I hated going out and being around other people because I couldn't stand anyone coughing near me in case they were sick! Then, when I was about 13 I saw an episode of Brookside in which a woman was sick a lot one night and then had a heart attack and died! So after that I was convinced every time my dad was sick that he was going to die. I once spent an awful night in a hotel room with him in the bathroom suffering from food poisoning, with me in bed with my walkman on full blast and my hands over my ears. At one point I asked my mum if she wanted me to go to Reception and ask them to get a Dr, and really hoped she would say yes so that I had an excuse to leave for a while, but she said no so I put the walkman back on full blast again.
But, years later when he was in hospital very ill (later diagnosed as having cancer) when he starting reaching for the cardboard sick bowl I was able to get it, hold it for him while he was sick and then take it away for him, without feeling really sick myself. I think that when the time comes and you actually have to cope with it, you just do.
I personally am rarely sick. I made it from age 9 to 23 without being sick, and then managed to give myself food poisoning! I have had a couple of sick bugs since then too. Each time I have known that I am going to be sick and have made it from a different room into the bathroom on time. I have found that, while being sick is horrible, there's no worry of it making you feel sick, because you already do, if that makes sense, so you can just get on and deal with it.
I'm still not keen on people coughing, but I don't let it rule my life. I must admit that I am not that keen on family meals with DH's family as his dad quite often seems to choke on a piece of food, so of course starts coughing, and I do hate being near him then, and do have to force myself to keep eating because it's usually made me lose my appetite. I also once went out with them and MIL sat through meal complaining she was feeling a bit sick, which made me less than hungry myself. Personally I thought she either shouldn't have come out, or shouldn't have talked about feeling ill while others were eating!
As for practical tips I would say get some air freshener sprays so that if someone is sick, you can spray that around a bit before you clear up. Last year I was teaching a class of 4 and 5 year olds when one girl was sick everywhere, and the smell was awful. If there hadn't been some air freshener in the cupboard I think I may have gagged a bit myself! You're not really meant to spray air freshener in schools these days in case it sets off a child's asthma, but at that point I was worried about settng off the rest of the class (and me) being sick so sprayed loads around! Also, sucking sweets I find sometimes stops the gagging feeling from happening, so keep some tubes of sweets handy!