Dealing with a DD who "doesn't want baby sister to arrive!"

[DaftMule]

About a month away from child #2 being born and our 4yo DD has seemed to be fine with the idea of it all along.

In the last few weeks though she has been getting more and more clingy to mum...won't let her out of her sight most of the time! She has also been getting much more tantrummy and obnoxious. Bed times are a nightmare just now in particular. She usually goes almost hyper in the half hour before bed and then obsessively wants to repeat the kisses goodnight routine. She'll then just get straight out of bed and start yelling for us...and repeats until melt down is achieved and we are all frazzled.

She has also started playing up when being dropped off at pre-school.

Maybe this is all classic insecurity at #2's imminent arrival. How do we deal with it though? She's a very intelligent little 4yo with a well developed sense of imagination which probably really doesn't help.

Unfortunately too, the other half is having to go to the hospital for lots of extra checks related to the her health and the pregnancy and DD is not a fan of hospitals given that she had to have her tonsils out at 2yo which was all very traumatic. Baby #2 is going to have to be born in the main hospital rather than the local cottage hospital and I think DD feels mummy is "going to go away" to a pretty horrid place. The fact that kids her age have no sense of time is also annoying.

The other half is understandably exhausted anyway due to the pregnancy and is finding dealing with DD as she is now to be very stressful. By bed time she really has no reserves left and, although I take over the reins of be time routine etc with DD once I'm home from work, he current behaviour always ends up dragging mum into the fight as well as she "doesn't want daddy" most of the time right now.

Ho hum...I guess it's just another chapter in what has been a pretty exhausting 4 years and I guess we'll survive but if anyone has any advice in how to deal with this, I'm all ears.

Don't let the 'don't want Daddy' get to you, DD1 was just the same just after DD2's birth, always wanted me despite very strong bond with very involved DP.

You will survive, obviously, but it's not an easy time for anyone! Be careful about making promises you can't keep - your DD is highly unlikely to love the baby or find it a positive event, you can't change that. One thing we did for DD1 that she really liked and still goes back to is make a small, softback photo book of pictures from her first year - from the hospital, breastfeeding, crying, lots of tiny baby stuff. She still goes back to this book and we have often looked at it together over the past 18mths - DD2 is now 14mths.

Finally, you might find 'Siblings Without Rivalry' useful if you can get past the writing style. It's irritating, but quick to read and actually full of strategies that work.

Good luck, take care of all of you (including you!).

We happened by chance to get "Mama do you love me" (Joosse and Lavallee) out of the library just at the time when DS was born. I have never been a fan of "soppy books" which represent a sentimentality which just isn't me ... BUT this book made a real difference. It wasn't soppy, for a start - I think it's helped by the setting of an inuit family a century or so ago. But, DD (3 at the time) seemed to really need it. We would read it over and over and whenever she hurt her knee or whatever, she would go and get it. I told her it was a book about how mummys always love their big girls. The book emphasises how this love is unconditional and never changes. DD could recite a lot of it by heart very quickly ("I will love you until the stars turn to fishes in the sky" was a great favourite). It's not a big thing - but I was just so taken aback that this really helped her. I think there were a lot of things that she needed to be reassured of - and I hadn't realised quite how much - how often and how explicitly.