How do you deal with a situation were your dc has gone off best mate

[tevion]

Hi
Ds is 9 and I know relationships can be a bit touch and go at this age.
However since starting juniors almost 2 years ago ds has always had one best friend who he has been on days out with had sleepovers the mate was always coming here after school etc etc..
Now I will probably get slated for this but ds's friend was not ever exactly the right friend for ds he can be naughty horrible to his mom swearing and other things in general.
Now despite all this ds has always got on okay with him so the frindship has continued.
Recently ds has really started going off this friend and doesn,t want him round our house anymore doesn,t really want to go to his anymore.
I asked ds why and he said because the mate swears and he doesn't want to be like that.
It does make things awkward has the mates mom rings up in holidays asking for ds to come and play with him and lately ds does not want to go.
Me and the mom help each other out I soemtimes take him to school pick him up drop him back home for her she regularly takes ds to school when I am at work.
The problem now is that ds does not want to go to their house to be taken to school.
He also doesn,t want me to give them lifts in the morning.
Ds wants to have one or two others back from school instead and I always feel incredibly guilty when I am taking his ex best mate home and ds has another mate in the car who he is bringing home to play.
I have said to ds that if he doesn.t want this lad as a mate anymore then it is his choice but me and the mates mo will probably continue helping each other out.
DUnfortunately they did start some out of school activities where they have to go together mates mom relies on us for transport etc.
I know ds is in his rights to not have this mate as a mate but it all feels so awkward to me.
How would you deal with this

sorry about the spelling mistakes have typed it in rush has off to work shortly but hoping for some quick replies

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I feel your pain. Ds (10) is exactly the same; he has gone off the two little boys nextdoors but finds it impossible to tell them so. They keep ringing and wanting him to come round.

Partly, it is because he is a little depressed anyway (ill health), but it is also that he would rather have other friends. These boys keep fighting amongst themselves (brothers), they always play very violent computer games which ds doesn't like, and if they come round here ds' possession invariably end up broken (last time they broke his writing desk, so it's not just a question of putting away small valuables). Ds has got to the quieter, talking and listen to music stage, and these boys are still very physical- he feels it's more like baby-sitting than having a social life, and I can kind of see his pov.

They are not bad kids, I like them (and the parents are really lovely people), but I can see why ds feels he can't cope. But it's such an awkward situation; they've been friends since infants, he really cannot bear to explain.

1. I've gone off mates - totally normal.

1. If you never thought this was the right mate for ds why did you ever get into reciprocal caring arrangements and have him for sleepovers in the first place?

1. DC's friendships and parental friendships need to be kept separate IMO.