please help my daughter's dad leaves her hme alone!!!!

[jaxx26]

hi, im new to this and wanted some advice, my daughter has just turned 4, she used to go and see her father on the weekends, one day i needed to go to the shop and told my daughter to get dressed, she was playing a game at the time and asked if she could stay at home, i told her no and she asked why, i explained coz she was to young, she then told me but daddy lets me stay home alone when he goes to the shop. I had a convo with him about it and he seems to think that it was ok for him to do this (this must have happened when she was 3) i have now stopped him from having her. she has however just started full time school and i told the school what had happened and said that i did not want her father to pick her up after school, i was told that they could not in a legal sence stop him..... I need to know what i should do now should i go and report it? or should i just leave it?

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How far away is the shop and how does your daughter feel about this?

Stopping contact is unfair on your daughter. I'd just have an good, firm chat with him. Reporting him would just be spiteful. Sorry if this is not the answer you wanted.

I have left my 4yo watching tv to nip to the shop at the end of the street (literally two minutes out of the house, it takes me longer to putthe bins out) she is 7 now and nothing dreadful happened to her.

You should not leave a child home alone if that child would not have the sense or facilities to ring an adult if you did not come back when expected.

A three year old counts as a child who has neither the sense nor the ability to tell the time required to ring an adult if, for instance, your ex got stabbed and taken away in an ambulance whilst on hhis way to the shop. Nobody would know that there was a 3 year old little girl sitting on her own waiting for him. Nobody would know for a long time.

So, YANBU. Report it.

im not sure how far the shop is, and she doesnt know if what he done is wrong, i feel as though it was wrong, there is a list of things why i have stopped contact, but this was the final thing when i tired to talk to him about it he was not responsive and turned it into a arguement, he used to have her stay with him every other wkend but he stopped this as he moved in with a mate of his and did not see the house as being very safe to have her stay over night, if this is the case why would he then leave her hme alone to go to the shop..... the only reason i mention about reporting him is coz of what the school said, other people have said i should also report him as well... just thought id put it on here and see what responce i got from people that dont know us so wont take sides. thank u for ur responce.

and i do agree with what colditz is saying anything could hav happened whilst he was out, she would not know to call any1 if something did go wrong.

How would you feel about supervised contact? Maybe let him see her in your home once a week.

I can understand why are you are worried and I understand Colditz point too, but all four year old are different. Mine did know how to use the phone from the age of three. She had to learn as I started working evenings and DH suffers epilipsy. If she was to be left alone with him she needed to know what to do if he had a fit. She was taught to ring 999, and taught all sets of grandparents phone numbers. She never needed to ring 999, but certainly made use of my mum's number "Nana, Daddy won't let me have strawberries and cream for supper. You need to come and tell him off"

I'm not sure reporting him would be any use if you are stopping contact anyway.

we used to do the contact at my hme but he decided he dint want to do this any more, i dont want to stop contact because of my daughter, he drinks quite alot, he has two other children 1 of which is in foster care and 1 that wont have anything to do with him, b4 i stopped contact he would pick as to when he wanted to see her sometimes it could be more then a month that she dint get to see him, when he decided he couldnt have her over night and that he would have her for a few hours on a sat, say from 12-6 he would sometimes bring her home early as she would say she was bored, just a bit more info about him..... and i would not have a problem with supervised contact, i dont want to stop him from seeing my daughter but my daughter's safty has to come first.