what age did you let your dc stay at sleepovers?

[GrumpyGit]

Dd has been invited to a couple of sleepovers recently, which we've had to say no to as we've been away/doing other things but even if she'd been able to go I'm not sure it would've been a good idea.

She's 6 and not v reliable at being dry at night - pretty sensitive about it when she does have an accident so if it happened with friends around she'd be mortified I think.

One of the invites was from family friends who we know v well and another from a schoolfriend whose parents we don't know so well. Either way I think I'd be a bit worried that she might not ask for help from the parents in the night if she needed it as she's quite shy, so think it would be better to wait til she's older. Am sure I didn't do sleepovers til much older (but then my folks were pretty strict and I don't want to be!)

Just wondered what other people have done, so I know for next time!

My DC are 6 and 8 and they haven't started doing sleepovers yet but none of their friends have so it isn't a problem. I would be happy for my DS to go to a long standing friends house where I knew the parents reasonably well now but I would be more concerned about my DD (6) and don't think she would want to go anyway.

I think its fine to say no sleepovers until your DC really wants to go and you are happy about where they are going. I don't remember doing sleepovers until I was 11/12ish anyway so there is plenty of time.

Thanks Kamer, that's pretty similar to my views so a least I know I'm not the only one!

at not a

DS went on his first and last sleepover at around 11. There were at least 6 boys (a birthday) and they stayed up virtually all night

He was physically ill with tiredness, alternately vomited and slept for the whole of the next day. The poor birthday boy's mother seemed to age 10 years overnight.

Never again

She was 3 the first time she stayed at a friends house overnight. But IDK if that's the same as a 'sleepover'

married that sounds more like a hangover to me!

The DCs or the mother?!

Have never had a hangover. ('Cos my stupid body can't tolerate alcohol, nothing virtuous I assure you)

Dd did her first one in the summer holidays when she was 9 y and 11 mo.

Maybe both, married

4/5 I think, but with very good friends - would not be so keen on schoolfriends whose parents I didn't know well.

Mine are nearly 8 and nearly 10 now and I wouldn't have any reservations if they were asked, but they were both late-ish about being dry at night and I wouldn't have taken the risk.

My 2 have been going to sleepovers from about 6 years old, but I only let them go to houses where I know the parents. Some of their friends are not always dry at night but bring drynights and use them.

I would start with family and trusted friends and once she is more confident allow her to go to school friends as long as you are happy with it too.

They are all different- it really depends on her and whether she wants to go.

DD from about age 4 with families I know well, DS from later - none of his friends seemed to be into the sleepover thing at that age, it was more like 6 or 7 for him I think.

We've never had problem if it's just one friend at a time, but mass sleepovers are a nightmare.

We've had all sorts of friends staying here, and quite often a mum has had a quiet word beforehand about waterproof mattress covers/pyjama pants etc - it's still very common to have the occasional wet bed for primary age kids, and unfortunately with the excitement and change of routine it's quite likely to happen on a sleepover. Would your DD wear drynites at a friend's house just in case?

About 7 seemed right for us, but DD2 ended up in bed with her friend's mum the first time because something frightened her (friend's dad very tolerantly went elsewhere). I think it would be awful to be wet or frightened and not feel able to say anything.

Hmmm, interesting - the trend does seem to be a bit earlier than I remember. Must ask my mum :)

exexpat I wondered abut drynites etc; long story but I think it would set her back confidence-wise rather than helping. Her main difficulty has always been confidence really, and has taken ages to build up (i.e. she's been able to be dry at night but even a small occasional accident made her think she couldn't do it anymore & led to her having more accidents - to do anything to suggest that it's true that she can't keep dry might be more unhelpful to her). The most recent invite was to a mass sleepover so prob not the best thing to try first in any case!

Thanks for that pointy & mummyof I think we'll try to avoid for the time being and try it when she's a bit older with good friends first.

Goingspare - your post made me feel more confident I'm doing the best thing for her by not rushing into it. Much better that she thinks we're mean and strict parents and she doesn't go to a sleepover til she's confident and easily dry and than that we let her go and it crushes the confidence we've built up!

seven-but only at a friend I knew really well.
Think ten or eleven is better,

my Ds went to one last weekend he is 4..althought i had Ds friend to sleepover her last year they were 3, i do know the parents very well and we live in the same street. if Ds was still having accidents then i wouldnt have let him go, as even at this age they get very embarresed about it.
Although i would speak to oterh parents you may find that other who may be going have the same thing happen to them occasionally.