do any other mums in there 40's feel a bit isolated?

[loganberry12]

hi im 44 and have a 13 month old baby. I feel a bit isolated at the moment, all the other mother in my area seem very young ive tried mother and toddler groups but i always seem the oldest mother and dont seem to relate to the others. Anyone else in this situation? and any ideas?

Not in my 40's yet, but three years to go! I was just thinking this week how lonely it can get. My pre-DS friends that I used to hang out with are either my age and single/childless or have grown up children. I can't do the spontaneous things we used to do, and a couple of them aren't that keen on hanging out with toddlers (they don't say it, but I know!). Babysitting's hard to get (I'm a single mum, so no DP/DH to fall back on for that). Yes, I have made friends at toddler groups but most of them are younger than me. I haven't got any ideas at this very moment, but I'm hoping someone else will post with some!

i had my ds at 44, im kind of used to it now.
although i was a bit shocked at the school gates when i overheard a couple of other mums, "how old are you?, "22", "oh, im 23"
and i realised i could be their mum!
you have got something in common having a young child, the issues are the same whatever your age, its just the energy levels i think that are different.

It might be where you are living...I am the second youngest Mother in my 6 year old DD's class and I am 38! The oldest is 49 and the youngest is 32...but my sister s by far the oldest at her childrens school...she is 45 and has 6 year olds...allthe others are teenagers or early twenties.

To be fair, where I live have a high proportion of professionals who have put of having babies...till they were financialy secure.

Is there a similar area near your home? Maybe go to different groups? There are Mums in my toddler group who travel 5 miles to ge there!

I think a lot of it is state of mind tbh. I had my two at 39 and 40 and they're now 3 and nearly 5. We live in an area where we don't know that many people and while they were at nursery it was a bit difficult I suppose. But ds1 has started school this year, and I'm finding that at the school gates it's easy to meet people and have decided that throwing myself into the school stuff is the way to go. I think if you make the effort to get involved with stuff, if you have the time, then your age really doesn't matter, and you'll probably find a fairly wide range of ages among the parents. DS1 palled up at the start with a boy whose mum is probably young enough to be my daughter, right enough .

So, all of which to say, yes, teh early years can be a bit tricky I think, but it gets easier. Schools are always desprate for all the help they can get and running the cake stall at the school fete will win you all sorts of friends I'm sure.

I'm in my forties. I think motherhood is kind of lonely whatever, especially in the early years. Have you tried getting involved with NCT? I think that seems to attract a wide range of ages. Would also recommend going to the small group activities once your DC is a bit older - music with mummy type of thing - I found it easier to make friends with the smaller group size. But would also agree that area is a factor. We used to live one town away from here and all the mums seemed much younger - here there are lots more older mums. Can you travel to another place to try the toddler groups there?

Shouldn't it be 'their' forties?

Yes sorry grammar mistake

Sorry that was rude of me. I have been helping DD with grammar/punctuation homework and slipped into 'teacher' mode.

I am not an arsehole, I promise

lol

I had dd at 43 and have never had any mummy friends over 40. I have quite a few in their 30s, and some in their 20s. It only really hits when we talk about music or our own parents. I'm pretty sure I am the oldest mum in dd's year at school.

As a baby, I made friends through the nct - they do tend to attract a wider (older?) age range. Now at school - it's just dd's friends' mums of whatever age. I sometimes catch myself making agist comments at my own expense note to us both - DON'T DO IT. Just carry on as if 15 years were deleted from your life (works for me ).

That is - when dd was a baby

PPS - I'm a very sociable person and have been lucky to make some friends post-baby - but - I could NEVER get into the playgroup scene .

I had DS at 43, he is 6 now and I am certainly the eldest parent at his school. It IS a lonely existence particularly if you have difficulty socialising at playgroups. I liked Acinonyx's last comment, that is exactly how to look at it! Good advice. DS has lots of friends with young (mostly) single parents, I often feel like their 'mother'. We also live in a deprived area with many different cultures and nationalities, I guess those parents are also 'lonely' and perhaps are looking for extra support too.

Loganberry, you have already discovered the internet, this is an extremely good way to network with other parents, even if it is only online. I found it invaluable to combat loneliness, give me vital information and make friends right in my own home.

Think positive, and try and make the first move, you are not alone, just a little older....and wiser!

Have a great day everyone :-)

Isn't it buttock-clenchingly horrible when some teen mum at the school gate, perfect hair, make-up and figure says, "Is that your grandson?"? I'm used to it now but when I first heard it, I wanted to cry!

not had that yet MRSBOWIE, dh has been referred to as grandad though, to his dismay.

Come to Forty Towers!

Yes, we are about to go to thread 12, but we love new people.

I am 41 and my son is nearly 17 months. We are all in our 40s and most of us have small children. Some of us have large children as well!

And I don't really feel isolated, but I have avoided mummy and toddler groups for the very reason you mention. But I've never been much of a joiner anyway!