My 6year old is aggressive and moody

[t875]

I honestly dont recognise our 6yr old. She has said at school her friend has become possisive of her where if my dd plays with someone else she will get upset and tell on my dd who gets told off. I also think this friend has started shouting at my dd like literrally up to her face as dd has started to do this.

Our dd doesnt want to go to school, she is not going to bed no matter what time it is and when we say its bed time she throws a tantrum like she is 3 years old literally bangs her foot hard on the floor repeatedly god knows what next door must think. Anything u ask her to do she throws a tantrum and screams at top of her voice
*what would you all do about this with the banging and stamping when we are trying to put her to bed - we cant ignore it as its late by the time she finally will go to bed without throwing a tantrum and next door must hear her banging.

I have tried praising the positive, reward charts, sad faces and she loses privelidges but I can honestly say she is stressing us out.

We just dont recognise her anymore she is so aggressive and moody and always waving fists in your face. I just dont know where this anger is from as we arent angry do the supernanny approach praise the positive.

I think ive got to do something about her friend ship with this girl. Parents evening soon so I will bring it up there too.

god this sounds tough

i think the lack of sleep and the friendship issues sound like the two main issues here

does she actually want to be friends with this girl any more? sounds horribly like bullying? Who is telling your dd off, and for what, really? She won't be being told off for playing with another friend, there must be more going on? iMO you need the teacher's help pronto, can you make an appointment beforehand? DS's school has a worries box where children can post anonymously any worries they have, and teachers deal with the queries as appropriate, e.g. at circle time - has worked very well for ds?

Lack of sleep - well, let the neighbours hear it. Could you have a talk with your dd when she is calm and talk about the amount of sleep she needs, and what kind of bedtime routine she feels would help her? TBH it sounds like she is exhausted if she is tantrumming away at bedtime. What about moving the start of bedtime earlier and counting down to it, but allowing her more time for bedtime story/reading/listen to CD stories or whatever? Maybe you could move baths to the morning so bedtime is less tiring? She may well have some ideas, she can't seriously enjoy tantrumming?

Thanks for your reply makaitai

Well its a toughy, i think she does want to be friends with this friend but then again i think she is feeling very suffocated on and off and everytime she does play with someone else she will go and ask to play with them too so then she will be with dd again.

Bedtimes we have a calm time, a programme on nck jr milk and we read 2 stories and sing a song before bed, and thats 7:30 but after the calm time as soon as you mention bed time thats when it all starts.

Im going to talk to the teacher as enough is enough and if i have to sort this out as it cant go on. Everytime I talk to her seriously about dealing with this she mimicks me and waves her hands in front of our face and she is saying aggressive things.

Maybe start referring to bedtime earlier? 'Just a couple of hours til bedtime so let's have some fun now...' 'Calm time now and then bedtime, what do you want to read tonight?' etc etc.

I still think that talking to your dd some morning about what she feels about her bedtime routine may help. Does she have to go upstairs after her calm time? I know I frequently feel unbearably tired at bedtime and wish I didn't have to climb the stairs - I put it off and put it off, and I'm 41! perhaps some of the calm time could transfer to bed? I may have misunderstood your routine though.

If she could articulate what she feels when you say 'bedtime' the feelings may have less power over her. Maybe you could make a joke of it - give it another name - call it The Time That Must Not Be Named or Tantrum Time or The Moment of Horror or something?? You're on the same side in this even if it doesn't feel like it.