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Dd age 11 struggling with friendships

7 replies

ohnoherewego · 02/11/2010 21:44

How do we help her? She is in Year 7 but has been at the same school since Year 5. She'll move at the end of Year 8. She settled in really well in Year 5 and was really in the social swing. Again there were no problems in Year 6. Things have gone horribly wrong this term tho' and she is very unhappy. She has not been invited to parties she previously has been invited to altho I appreciate this may be due to the fact that as kids get older the parties are smaller. However it is noticeable that she hasn't been invited to anything. She says that the other girls find her irritating and don't want to include her.It's lots of small things rather than deliberate acts which could be seen as bullying. I think part of the problem may be she is a summer born and young for her age. I've spoken to school who are monitoring it but what can I do to help. I'm concerned it's really getting to her. We're in the second week of half term, she's not been in contact with anyone from school and doesn't want to. The situation's exacerbated by the fact that she does not have close friends outside school. She's very quiet and tends to hang back so altho she did brownies, youth club etc she didn't make friends there. Help!

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didgeridoo · 02/11/2010 22:51

I'm sorry you & dd are having a tough time. It's difficult to know what to say, especially as everything seemed fine in years 5 & 6. If the other dc's didn't appear to find her "irritating" then, I wonder what's changed? I think friendships can be a bit of a rollercoaster at this age. Have the school given an opinion on what may be causing the problem? Do you recognize traits in her that other kids would find irritating?

Pancakeflipper · 02/11/2010 23:03

Poor kid. It could be a maturity thing if it's just kicked in ... Other girls conversations drifting onto boys, make up, style etc and your girl still in giggly unsophisicated mode.

Is there anyone whom is also in limbo whom you could invite to go bowling or some other activity ( not for tea - an activity, doing something)? Has she any siblings or cousins to do activities with?

If it's a maturity thing perhaps you could help with wardrobe overhaul. Don't turn her into a hooker but help update her look to fit the girl she is becoming... Or plan a Friday evening of pamper and pizzas.

It won't be like this forever for her. But if miserable at school try to keep home life interesting and involved so she has a haven.

Worth trying other activities e.g sporty ones?

Hope she is ok. It's hard to be the one who doesn't fit in.

Pancakeflipper · 02/11/2010 23:06

Meant to say things like a running club / badminton etc would bring her into contact with a range of ages. There is a purpose to the club so it's not all chatter. It would be an interest and hopefully there'd be supportive people there to encourage her.

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ForMashGetSmash · 02/11/2010 23:11

Can I just say that it's not at all unusual not to be in touch with other kids regularly...I know my own niece is not...and she is your DD's age..but my niece is fine!

What about putting DD in a drama group? Or some other club which will help her confidence? I remmber being at the same age and suddenly my best mates were into BonJovi instead of going out exploring the woods!

I made new friends in high school. I hope it gets better soon...it probably will, I think all girs go thorugh this..mre than once

ohnoherewego · 03/11/2010 21:27

Thanks guys; it's nice to hear she's not the only one. I do make sure (within reason) that she's got all the gear. Unfortunately she's not sporty at all and is always the last one to be picked for teams at school. I suggested a drama group but she wasn't keen. The problem is I think her confidence is so low at the moment that she doesn't want to risk anything new. Pancake, I think the idea of inviting someone to an activity is a really good one as it should be easier work all round than just having someone for tea.
She has a 9 year old DB and we've been out today with him and 2 of his friends and she's had a nice day.
Thanks for your support

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fluffles · 03/11/2010 21:34

what happened with brownies? she's 10 now i guess (sorry, don't understand english 'years' very well) so she'll be guide age now - can she give that a go?
guides can be a good way to mix, some units are cliquey but a good guide unit won't allow the girls to exclude any one girl and mixes the girls well.

ohnoherewego · 03/11/2010 22:34

She's 11.She didn't want to move up to Guides as weekday evenings are difficult. She often doesn't get home from school until 6-6.30 pm

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