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Don't know how to handle this - dd unsettled at school

4 replies

Dancergirl · 02/11/2010 21:12

Dd2 (7.5) has just started Year 3. Last year there was a girl in the class she was particularly close to and they quickly became best friends. Dd was very happy until last May when best friend in question left the school as they relocated to Devon.

Six months on and dd is still in mourning for the loss of her friend and has been a bit unhappy at school since. They have a nice class with lovely children but dd likes the idea of having one close friend. She tells me she is often alone at playtime but this is sometimes because she doesn't like the games they are playing (she hates anything to do with Hannah Montana or HSM).

On a sort of separate issue, there is a girl in the class who dd doesn't get on with and often dd will complain how 'J' was 'mean' to her and how awful it is with her. For example, J will say to dd that she's showing off or she's a crybaby. I think this child in question has had a few problems with some of her class-mates. I did talk to dd's teacher at the beginning of term and she was sympathetic but really there has been no change.

I've never really had anything like this before - both my dds have always been happy at school so far so I don't know if this sort of thing is just part and parcel of school life or if there is something more to it. But I do know that dd often comes out of school unhappy so that can't be right can it?

Dd is a sensitive, highly emotional child and things get to her. She is a reading addict and would probably just love to sit outside at playtime reading a book, but as her teacher said (and I agree) this would isolate her even more.

Any ideas?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/11/2010 07:32

Could you find a girl (or boy) that your DD really likes and invite them back to yours for tea?
My DD's world came crashing down around her ears when we left Thailand. She was leaving her 'very best friend in the whole world ever' with whom she had been very close for four years.
When we got to Switzerland, she did make a couple of friends, but none like VBFITWWE. She still flounders a bit with friendship and sounds very like your DD. Reads constantly and falls out with one particular girl.

January73 · 03/11/2010 10:07

Hello.
I don't see anything wrong with your DD reading at breaktime. Perhaps the suggestion could be given to the school that a reading or library club could be set up and that way your DD might find other like-minded children?
Not all children like being outside running about and being noisy.

The girl your DD doesn't get on with; when my DD had something similiar happen 4 years ago, the teacher initially did nothing but it was really putting DD off school so we told the teacher we wanted DD or the girl moved so they weren't sitting at the same group table - the teacher in trying to get the girl to 'appreciate your DD more' had decided to sit them together. This escalated the girl's behaviour towards DD.
We didn't leave the teacher with a choice. It was move one of them to another table or we'll complain to the headteacher.

Once the girls were at different tables and didn't interract regularly, the falling out stopped.

NoSleepTillWeaning · 04/11/2010 09:38

My 6yr old daughter is similar. Often has problems finding people to play with and joining in, although she is popular in her class and we have lots of a lot of the time I think she hasn't been alone all play but it's the times when she is alone that stick in her mind and co,our her view of her day.

Her teacher (and teacher last year) has helped by drawing up a rota almost of people to play with and gets DD to think about who to find to play with during break. She also reminded the class to help DD find people to play with - most of the class were of course completely unaware that she had no one to play with. Finally, she has also asked the teachers on break to keep an eye out for DD and help her to find people to join in with. All of these have helped - hope they are of some use to you.

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NoSleepTillWeaning · 04/11/2010 09:39

Doh. Should say 'we have lots of playdates. A lot of the time....'

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