Q&A with "People Watcher" and behaviour expert Desmond Morris: please post your questions here

[HelenMumsnet]

We're delighted to welcome zoologist and ethologist Desmond Morris to Mumsnet for a Q&A session.

Desmond is the author of many bestselling books on human and animal behaviour, including People Watching, Naked Ape and Babywatching.

In a recent interview with The Guardian, Desmond caused some controversy by saying he thinks TV is as good for toddlers as books.

Desmond's latest book, Child: How Children think, learn and grow in the early years explores the world of children from the ages of two to five, as they emerge from toddlerdom and start out on the long road to independence. Age-by-stage profiles describe growth patterns, social and emotional behavior, physical and cognitive skills.

Please post your questions to Desmond on this thread before the end of Friday 5th November, and we'll post up his answers the following week.

DH has a theory that we are programmed to take particular notice of moving pictures in our peripheral vision in case it's an animal coming to eat us, which is an explanation why TV is so distracting in pubs, and also why toddlers gravitate towards telly so much (also probably because they like the novelty). Plus he reckons toddlers stand up so they can make a quick getaway from any predators. I am very keen to hear Desmond's take on this.

Hello Desmond - I loved Naked Ape so looking forwards to this new book.

Can you tell me if you think there is an innate difference between the behaviour of boy and girls or are differences mostly nurture? People keep telling me boys are easier to parent - more cuddly, more rowdy energetic and girls more emotional and less physical. I refuse to believe them but ...

I thought I treated my girl and boy the same but even before he went to nursery (under 1) my boy was more inclined to push toy cars around making brum brum noises, and climb up things than my girl ever did. Have I unconciously conditioned him into this behaviour?

I grew up watching Desmond Morris' documentaries on TV (back when most people's TVs were black-and-white and there were only two channels ). I've always had the greatest respect for his knowledge and his ability to impart that to the rest of us.

My question would be: what are his thoughts about the idea of the "fourth trimester" in humans? There is clearly a difference between newborn humans and newborns of other primates, in that newborn humans seem to have the same cognitive abilities as newborn primates but not the equivalent physical abilities. What does he think about more recent trends in the care of human newborns in terms of using slings, co-sleeping, cluster feeding, etc, in those early months?

Good question about the missing fourth trimester, huggly, would be interested to see what Desmond says about that.

Desmond, what do you make of the idea that giving birth to neonates means human women have to co-operate even more than other primate mothers. (As in, standing upright changed our skeleton and especially the pelvis, meaning birth became more difficult, so human infants are born helpless compared to other primates - pregnancy until the point at which they are more developed would result in a baby who can't get out.)

Why are there so many disabilities these days?

Why do so many disabilities interfere with the children's learning, and how can we speed up learning for these children?

Hi Desmond. My 8 months old daughter literarly screams for attention a lot of the time. Having a conversation with someone else is nearly impossible as she starts screaming (not crying)until I give her attention. I assume it might have something to do with feeling safe and secure. How can I nurture her in such a way that she learns the screaming is not necessary? Or how can I make her feel safe and secure, even though I am talking with someone else?

Nice to hear people talking about elaine morgan - no one has ever heard of her when i discuss her, her book made a real impression on me. she's quite witty in her critique of the androcentric descriptions of evolution.

My question is this: do you think that we have temperaments we are born with and to what extent? do you think that if we're lucky to have a temperament that matches well with our parent/s we're off to a good start? or at least one with whom there isn't a real clash in temperament?

i have a really easy going, good natured child who has been like that pretty much since birth. i once would have argued entirely for social construction, environment etc but having gone through becoming a mother and watching another human being unfold it has shaken my views on this. he seems very much him and guided by me rather than made by me.

Interesting question there, Wallows. That's my experience too - ds is very different from me, far more patient in some circumstances. And has some inbuilt rescue function that means he leaps into action to help other people before anyone else has noticed they are in trouble. Started doing this when he was very small - pre-school - and I certainly hadn't taught him it was his job to save bigger kids or adults.

What a coup to have Desmond Morris.

I don't know if this is an appropriate question - but please can you explain why some people are so bloody irrationally terrified of spiders. What is it about spiders which seems so primevally frightening.

I know a spider cannot hurt me, I am normally a rational level headed person. But spiders make me gibber.

I would like to know the scientific explanation foe why spider fear is so common.

Thanks.

My ds (age 8) often comes home from school saying his "gang" rank each other in order, one's the leader, the others number 2, 3, 4, 5 etc. He sometimes feels very low down in the pecking order and says he's the one to be left out. They can turn on each other and say "you're fired" Alan Sugar style!

Would you say some chidren are born with an innate ability to become the 'leader?'

My question is similar to Wallow's really, I can also say my son is very sensitive and finds social interaction more challenging, but my daughter rises above most situations and rarely worries about anything.

Dr Morris I love your T.V programmes and would like to ask a question that I'm working through myself.
I come from a mixed marriage and my Father was a non--ish practicing Muslim (sadly gone now) and my Mother was A Catholic about to convert to Johovahs Witnesses since my Grandmother passed away (My sister is A JW since 16 yrs)
My husband and I do not believe in a all powerful being BUT we/he takes our boy to a C of E church and we get involved in Church activities as we strongly beleive in Community and community traditions not only family traditions. USA studies have show that people who are relgious Take part in more Civic duties.
Q1. Can you explain the importance of religon to the human race?
Q2 If we don't beleive in GOD! But beleive in community and Civic duty. How do we intelligently explain this to others?

Thank you in advance for your reply

I have an important question to ask my dh, are there any signs that I can look for to tell me if his answer is a lie or not??

Nuttybear - if you believe in community and civic duty, can you not join and work for a non-religious community organisation?

Edam, I know this is strange to say but the church allows us to dip in and out. We are committed to other community events within our work and cannot commit too much during the week. Church just makes it easier and across a broad range of things such as homeless to toddler groups. Does that make sense? I used to do Duke of Edinburgh and the paperwork, weekly meetings and weekend trips would now be too much. Non-religious groups have a very small band of people that seem to have to do everything.Why is that? In church it seems everyone chips in. Or they do at the church we attend.
I am going to get involved with Beavers soon.

How do i get my toddler dress without him causing a fuss?

My toddler is potty train and was dry at night during the summer month. He is now wetting the bed. How do i tackle this?

Oh, OK, wasn't being nosy, just seemed like an obvious question from what you were saying. Sounds like a nice church.

Beavers are fun - although I'm still waiting for my CRB check so haven't helped out at any sessions yet, just got a vague idea from dropping ds off and picking him up.

Edam yes it is. If only we had Humanist Halls

When my gd sits in front of the television she slumps and is very unresponsive although has her eyes glued to the screen. When listening to a story or sharing a book, cuddled up on the sofa, she asks questions, points things out in the pictures and generally interacts much more. Am I old fashioned if I favour the latter activity.I would like to hear Desmond's views on television vvs books. Which is better for the child?

My two year old son is going through the MINE phase. Everything is his espesially me. He is a lot worse with his big sister (7) and not all that bothered if his baby brother(5 months) has a cuddle/ feed. what is the best way to deal with this ?

What's wrong with routines? They work!

Hello
Hope I'm not too late to ask a question.

My 2.8 year old has had a fair amount of films/TV but lots and lots of books too. Lots of people have commented on his good vocabulary and clear speech (we didn't use baby language though I must confess to not always correcting some of his cuter misinterpretations).

He often to episodes in books and from telly and has recently started having dreams/nightmares and referring to them too. We have tried to explain that they are his imagination and not real but he keeps asking "what is real?" and "what is imagination?"

My Q is What's the best way to explain the difference to him?

TIA

PS have just put your book on my Christmas wishlist (tries not to sway your decision to answer my question)

I'd like to ask Desmond what he thinks about the rising rate of caesarean sections in the UK - are c-sections increasing because mothers are older than in previous generations and have more difficult labours requiring intervention? Or is it due to cultural reasons rather than biological ones - i.e. medical staff trying to 'control' the process of birth? Is it possible to determine how much the birth environment affects a baby and its future development?

Also, a huge thank you for your wonderful books - 'Baby' helped us understand our son from day one and has been the most useful baby book we bought.

Interesting question Champagnesupernova - and if I'm allowed to post a second question following on from hers... ?

When do children learn to properly differentiate betweeen real and imaginary? My DD has recently become afraid of the dark (amongst other things) and also won't go upstairs to the loo on her own as she is scared. How can we empower her? And how can we teach her there are no monsters under the bed etc?

Like ChampagneSummer (above) my DD spoke early and is quite articulate. At 2y5month it was snowing on screen on CBeebies and I said "it's snowing?" and she said "not in real life - on the telly" so she seemed to undertand the difference - or is that only on the screen and off - and is it different from imagined objects, stories and real (monsters etc)?

DD1 is just four & seems to be suffering increasingly from "toddler deafness" - only hearing what she chooses to hear & blanking what is inconvenient / dull to her - such as instructions. I'm guessing she is trying to assert her independence - is there any particular way of talking to her that will stress when something is important / vital eg instructions regarding traffic when she's out cycling with us?