I have a Dc who is 5. He appears happy and bubbly and confident but is actually super super sensitive underneath.
The smallest thing can set him off. Tonight we were meant to be having fun ToTing, but he was worried about the children we were with saying something nasty to him (and they never have!) because three weeks ago a girl we sometimes walk to school with said something silly that upset him. :( Once I reassured him they wouldnt (they arent that type) he was happy to get into it and had fun. The thing the girl said wasnt even nasty as such, he just took it the wrong way (fair enough he is five!)
He has a need to hold on to things - silly things like a deflated balloon. He says it is because it reminds him of, in the balloons case, his birthday. No amount of reassuring that he will have another birthday will convince him. Or a piece of fluff or paper or an empty packet of something. For example we will give him a sweetie and he will need to keep the wrapper? Yes, they are an occasional treat and not an everyday thing, but it is not like we never give them treats! He honestly seems to think that everything is the last time it will ever happen?
He gets upset at movies, like Ice Age of the princess and the frog. Uncontrollably upset and it lasts for days. :( We cant predict what it is in movies that sets him off, so we dont have a specific 'type' to avoid, iyswim and also dont want them to miss the treat of watching a film. (DS2 LOVES them as well). I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that he doesnt always know what is going on? He never seems to be able to grasp the story of the film and we are forever having to stop it and explain what it is that is going on. (DS2, again, has no problem with this?) He also gets scared of toys. He got a DocTox (??) castle and it has a laugh when you open the cave. We cannot turn on the sound as it freaks him out. This was a toy he saw and played with and chose himself to buy for his birthday. He paid for it himself in the shop and was so excited to get it home. he heard the laugh and now it hardly gets played with at all. It jsut seems sad he cant play with a toy he was so excited about.
He worries if he cant see me at a school event, needs to watch me going if I am dropping him somewhere, needs to watch DH leave for work, gets upset if he knows I am baby sitting at night, would rather stay home than go out (not so much of an issue)., says he would rather be at home than at school as he misses me. (When he is at school he is fine, but does get upset if I am not there for an assembly etc. I missed ONE as I didnt know about it, and he was in tears after school when he saw me, and for days afterward when he talked about it).
We reassure and reassure and he is happy that we will come back to pick him up etc, so it is not that really that is the problem and he does have fun when he goes out and feels like a grown up when I drop him at a party 'like a big boy' but it is the little things that he needs to hold onto, like the popped balloon example, that worry me. I am ashamed to say that at times, whilst I usually try to accept him for who he is and talk/work through it with him, I have sometimes gotten mad as it is so infuriating.
He also has a perfection streak, though this isnt as bad as it used to be, but I think it now manifests itself in just not trying at all. If I leave him to it, it doesnt get done, if I try to help he either gets mad or just doesnt listen.
I know we shouldnt compare (and we try not to!) but he also seems to be very emotionally immature. Concepts that would have been no bother to DC2 will cause massive issues to an otherwise intelligent boy.
He also has issues socially. He tries to be silly to fit in, but then cant read the cues of the other child getting fed up/wanting to stop and keeps going, then his friends get angry at him. He has no 'best friend' and seems to spend all his time trying to 'make' friends. He says that at lunch time he has noone to play with from his class. I asked his teacher and she said she didnt know specifically as she doesnt do lunch times but she is sure that isnt the case as he interacts with people during class. He does seem to prefer adults though and quite often seeks out older children to play with if they will let him. He can become obsessed with an older child (last year it was our neighbours DD who was 9) and wants to be like them and only them and everything is about them. He also constantly say he wants to be a girl so I think this puts a few of the boys off as well.
This all sounds bad, but I do want to add that otherwise he is a truly lovely boy. He is happy and bright and funny and has a wicked sense of humour. He is incredibly intelligent (when he can be bothered! :) ) and so, so caring of his younger sister. He is cuddly and tickly and I just love smushing him and kissing him to death! He comes up with some of the best stories, has a great imagination and is always asking intelligent questions. Sometimes he just blows us away with his knowledge of random things!
We praise and praise and praise him. We try and reassure him. We are always there for him.
What else can we do for him? I want him to be able to face the world. I just want my boy to be ok. I cant (as much as I want to!) protect him forever. :( I love him to bits and I just want him to be able to shine and not be held back by his fears.