Sibling rivalry

[Alfreda]

Hi, have two dc aged 12(m) and 10(f). both strong-willed, extrovert, want to be in charge. They fight like cat and dog. They have fallen into a fairly destructive pattern of argument in which dd winds up ds, will not stop, ds ends up hitting her, she screams blue murder excessively loudly so others can hear and he gets a bollocking from his Dad, which makes him feel awful, and blame her, etc etc.

I know this is common, but people in other families have commented on how much they argue. Anyone got any tips for mediating a happy home?

Sorry, no advice as my DD is only 18wks.

Just wanted to say that my brother is 2 years older than me and it was at about the ages you mention that he started to become physically much stronger than me so I couldn't hold my own any more.
Much as its not right for her to wind him up, it might be all she has in her arsenal.

Read Sibling Rivalry. Brilliant book and makes you realise that even the most innocent comments from parents can add fuel to fire and how to avoid it.

My DS & DD are only 3.5 and 10 months but im desperate for them not to behave like me and my brother!!

I agree with Siblings without Rivalry. Use the techniques all the time - had another success with it this morning.

Sorry, who is the author?

dd at 10 is actually bigger and heavier than ds at 12, but that won;t carry on for much longer...

I would definitly agree about innocent throw away comments having a big impact. I have 5 dc who of course have their daily spats. But usually over toys etc. I dont say things which compare them. Like' look how well your brothers eating his food', 'your brother would never do that', 'you should be a good boy like your brother'. I think things like that lead to rivalry. My mum and mil would say things like that to them and I tell them not to. Also we have a star chart for them as a group; when they reach 20 stars etc they get all get a treat. So they are not pitted against each other. I also try to encourage them to be proud of each other and give praise to one another. That makes us sound like the von trapps, which we are definitly not!