I thought it was supposed to get better at 6 weeks?!

[ExistentialistCat]

DD2 is 6 weeks tomorrow. DD1 is 16 months. Things are TOUGH. I've been sitting it out as best I can but now that we're nearly at the supposedly magical 6-week mark I'm feeling a bit despondent.

Main worries:
-Having to split myself between my DDs and my DH. I can get very impatient with DD1 for normal toddler behaviour even though she's brilliant at entertaining herself.

• Completely unpredictable bfing (EBF on demand).
• Completely unpredictable nights.
• Not being able to put DD2 down for any length of time. I carry her in a sling pretty much all day. I'm exhausted and feel like I'll never be able to put her down.

Tell me it gets better. Tell me what I can do to nudge things along. Tell me it's normal to want to fastforward the first 6 months of your precious baby's life.

"very impatient with DD1 for normal toddler behaviour even though she's brilliant at entertaining herself"

yep that's me too

since DS2 was born I find I can be upset with DS1 over the silliest things and he isn't even doing anything wrong. Not like that v often, only when DS2 has been up loads which isn't that often now (he is nearly 15wks).

It ishard. Sorry I've no practical advice but just wanted you to know how tough it is and you are not alone out there :)

And as we all know, things get easier as time goes on. Still doesn't help when you are in the thick of it though does it.

Completely normal. I hate the first 6 months (more like 9 months really for me). I think the 6 week saying us to give you something to hang on to, then it's better by 3 months, then 6... then you actually realise it is getting better. Although I'm probably not having a third as I hate it so much (and childbirth and me do not agree).

For me, the upside of having the second child was that the hellish time went by so much more quickly, as you just didn't have a spare moment like with the first. Not much of an upside I suppose!

Get as much help as possible - Eg a cleaner, childcare for dd1 etc. Can your dh help more, sounds like your trying to keep him happy as well, when really this is his time for looking after you and not getting much back. Hang on in there...

try 16 months, sorry.

Thank you for the commiserations. DH is actually incredibly helpful, lukewarm - the problem is that I feel like I'm not fulfilling my role as general taking-care-of-others person.

I wish I could somehow let go more and be less worried about creating a rodfor my own back, how things will be in 6 months' time, whether I'll ever have a routine. I'm not one of life's going-with-the-flow people and, although I can see how that sort of attitude would make things much easier, I just don't know how to get there.

Oh EC I completely understand.

I'm very irritable with DD1 which makes her even worse. poor thing is constantly being told off :(

I think 5/6 weeks is also a cranky growth spurt time so i think it is more like after 6 weeks. maybe it only counts when you have one child!

i do feel for you but it must get better eventually, and remember most rod-for-your-back habits can be undone fairly quickly when you have more energy.

Sorry, no personal experience (yet!), but I thought I'd often seen on here that actually 6 weeks is a particularly tough time? So it's actually another couple of weeks before it gets better...

I got really down at around 6 weeks, then again at 12, as people had kept telling me it would get easier then, and it clearly didn't! I'd say at around 6 months I thought actually, this is easier than it used to be, and I don;t spend nearly as much time crying (and neither did DD!)

No practical advice really as only have the one to deal with at the moment - but I do think people should be banned from giving you false hope!

Sorry, didn't mean to be down on your dh, just misinterpreted your post! You've got such a short gap between the children as well, mine was 21 months and that was hard, I can't imagine how much harder (erm, counts on fingers) 14/15 months is.

I know the last 6 weeks have probably felt like a lifetime, but it really is no time at all, especially for worrying about routines etc (and I'm a routine queen!). It will get easier soon, it's just not going to be tomorrow. And I agree, 6 week is classic awful growth spurt time, which is possibly making you feel even more like you're all over the place. Much sympathy.

6-8 weeks is really when it all peaks, not when it starts to get better, IME.

DD is 12 weeks today and I can finally really start to feel as if things have improved. Weeks 6-10 were the lowest point, and this was the same with DS (now 21 months).

I know that feels like ages away right now, but it will pass. [hsmile]

It gets better

My two have that age gap and it is a wonderful, wonderful age gap once you get past the hard 2 children in nappies/not sleeping bit.

My youngest is about to turn 9, the eldest is just 10 and when I went to bed last night, found them both in bed together telling each other spooky stories :-).

But seriously - it's fab once you start being able to do activities as you can do the same thing. You're not having to do lots of different things to cope with different age groups. Makes life so so much easier.

When DS2 was six weeks old, that was a LOW LOW point for me. I think there is a hormonal shift at that stage postnatally... For me, it got better at 3 months when DS2 started going to bed at 7pm or thereabouts so I had some breathing space. DS2 is about to turn 1 (DS1 is 2.8) and I feel like I have just done the hardest year of my life! It will get better and you will make it. I can't believe I made it! And both my boys are gorgeous and love each other very much.

Sorry pet, mine are 18 months apart. First 6 months = hell. Totally bottomed out and bonkers at 6 months, but it got a bit better when I stopped breast feeding - which I did in about 10 days I was so desperate for night feeds to diminish. They didn't.

6 to 18 months = purgatory. Second only slept through at 15 months.

18 months to now, youngest 20 months, fantastic. We have 2 children who interact, are delightful with each other and mostly to both of us, they eat proper food, run around, are inquisitive, I can forget to take the change bag out and the world doesnt stop turning. And we all sleep, most nights, mostly "straight through".

Sorry, youngest 2 and 3 months! Cant believe I have forgotten how old he is....Perhaps things aren't so sparky!!!

It does get so much easier soon...just take one day at a time and don't put any pressure on yourself. As long as you're all clean/dressed and fed each day everything else can wait It REALLY can! I had a 15m gap and it really was pretty horrendous until the baby was coming up to 4 mo, then we had a really lovely period, everything seemed to calm down a bit (until 6months with weaning!)

I managed through co-sleeping in the end as day time naps just didn't happen with my toddler. And when my dh was off work he completely took over toddler so I could catch up a bit. I'm expecting dc 3 soon and will have 3 under 3 for a bit so it obviously got better Good luck, and hope things ease up soon.

Thank you all so much for your reassuring comments! I've been clinging on to the hope that it will get easier and that a 14-month age gap can be lovely, but it's hard to imagine exactly how. The worst, worst thing is getting impatient with my DD1.

After a night of involuntary co-sleeping I'm feeling particularly down about ever getting night times sorted. DD1 just somehow did this on her own. One day she was going to bed at 7 and I can't remember forcing this. But I'm having trouble trusting that DD2 will do the same. As a routine queen, is there anything you could recommend in this direction, lukewarm?

£ under 3 - wow, mamasunshine! I used to think I wanted 4, definitely 3. Now I feel so DONE! I know I might get broody again in the future but I'm not sure I could survive the newborn period a third time.

I hear you OP, I have a 9 week old dd2 who I feel like I'll NEVER be able to put down and poor dd1 (2.6 years) who misses doing stuff with me like painting and making biscuits and who I can be so impatient with, just for being a toddler

We have to hang on in there, every day is a step closer to it being easier, and there are wonderful moments, dd2 is full of the most gorgeous smiles and dd1 gives her cuddles sometimes

Don't worry about routines, it'll all fall into place of its own accord. I was routine queen with dd1 and this time I don't have the energy or time to waste on bloomin' clock watching and rocking the pram, which is a good thing I say. They fall into a pattern and feel more comfortable being put down as the weeks go by.

OP, I had 3 year age gap and I still hated the early days with number two. It was just so so hard.

People used to say it will get better, but I wanted it to get better straight away, not a few weeks down the line. I was just so exhausted it was awful. Things did improve when number two started sleeping in the evening, how marvellous it was to have just those couple of hours.

I really feel for you, just try not to be too hard on yourself, and don't feel guilty for wishing time away or how you are with number one, you are at the stage of just surviving!

I have 18.5 month age gap, and I had 12 weeks circled in red on the calendar!!! Luckily things turned a corner at 10 weeks and I began to put DS2 down to sleep rather than wear him in a sling for every single day time and evening sleep. Was probably an age thing, but it coincided with the discovery that he would happily go to sleep if in total darkness - worth a try? Now DS2 is 6.5 months and it's absolutely terrific, all the sweeter by being compared to those horrible, dark, colicky first 10 weeks.

EBF on demand is very tricky, I really feel for you.

ExCat, I'm in a similar place to you but a few weeks ahead - 15 month age gap and DD1 now 18 mnths and DD2 12 wks. The first 8 weeks were hell esp. as DD2 had terrible colic, and everything reached a head between 6-8wks and I was convinced that the way we were carrying on was no longer sustainable. But the last few weeks have been easier - DD2's digestive system is maturing, I feel less befuddled (albeit still sleep deprived) and I've started to relax a bit. The latter has been key for me - I was so stressed with the lack of routine and feeling so out of control, and now I'm just trying to go with the flow and stop fighting it...I feel much better for introducing an evening routine though, which you ask about. Basically we bath DD2 just before DD1, then DH baths and settles DD1 whilst I feed DD2 and put her to bed. Since 8 weeks she's been asleep every evening by 7.30pm. I use lots of sleep associations which I'm sure help - swaddling, a 'sleep sheep' that plays the sounds of the sea, low lighting etc, and DD2 seems to get the message! I then do a dream feed when I go to bed and she's generally up twice after that during the night (I'm EBF too). Just having my evenings back has made the whole world take on a better perspective. Look at this time as an endurance test with the most amazing reward at the end! Good luck and hang on in there.

Thank you all again. I'm so envious of everyone who has managed to instil an evening routine for the younger child! Things are still pretty random here and I'm continuing to wear DD2 pretty much all day long. And DD1 seems to be realising that DD2 is here to stay and is playing up a bit with much whingeing during the day as well as disturbed nights.

Evening routine came about because we just took the plunge and started putting DS2 down at the same time as DS1 - and the crying that went along with achieving that seemed to do the trick in tiring him out!

I found that I was building things up in my head - if I don't wear him for a nap he'll never settle/will wake DS1 with crying - but actually doing it is never as bad as you think. We play music to DS1 for 10 mins at bedtime that drowns out any whining/crying from DS2 as he settles.

DS1 did have disturbed nights for the first 3 months - I delegated all night care of him to my DH, who would take him into bed in a different room - it didn't develop 'bad habits' particularly.