How many of you 'go out' anymore?

[redhappy]

As in a weekend night, to the pub, or a party etc.

I don't. Well about 4 times last year. I have ds4 and dd3, and also relevant I suppose is that my ds has special needs. The reason I mention that, is that it takes up so muc of my focus. If something is not connected to helping him, or generally contributing to family life I feel like I don't have the energy or the inclination.

Dp thinks we would go out more. He still goes out, but he would like me to go too sometimes.

I know my confidence is very low since having children, and tbh the thought of having to go out in the evening and talk to strangers, dance and drink alcohol at night when I'm worn out from the day, and no chance of a lie in, just does not appeal!

But anyway, those are my issues, and I've got my head around them, I'm really wondering how much I am the norm? How often do you go out now compared to before children, and how old are you? (I'm wondering if age matters? I'm 29, so if I didn't have children I suspect I'd still be having regular wild nights out!)

We go out fairly often - probably at least a couple of times a month - but we are very lucky to be near both sets of grandparents who are happy to babysit. We also only have one child so logistically it's easier. I'm 34.

I do think if you can muster the energy to go out occasionally you do feel better for it. It's nice to know you still have a bit of life away from the children and as a couple. On the other hand I find one child exhausting so I can't begin to imagine what it's like with four.

We have a lie in each at the weekend and mine's on Sunday, so a Saturday night out is much more appealing when I know I can sleep a bit later the next day. Is this something you could do?

Big boozy nights? Maybe two or three times a year. But I do go out for dinner or a 'quiet' drink with friends, go to their houses, plus do other social stuff (theatre, concerts, Labour party meetings) on a weekly or fortnightly basis.

However, I also have a child with SN, and study/work full time, so I know what you're saying about the exhaustion! It's especially hard to force yourself out in the dark winter months, too, I find.

i don't go out. maybe 3 times a year i will go to my friend's house for a drink. that's about it.

I go out very very rarely!!! To be honest we were never hugely social animals - family parties, and dinner / film sometimes

Since DC were born we still do the family parties - we were always included as kids so take ours along, although we tend to leave earlier... the couple stuff has got far rarer!

Probably once or twice a fortnight.

We also go out during the weekends on climbing trips, rather than nights out, and go climbing once a week during the week, and have friends over or go to friends for dinner once a week.

I didn't go out much at all before children, or when DS was young, but over the last 5 years it has increased and I am happy with the amount now.

What a great idea -- Parents Night Out.

I still go out about once a month sometimes more but that's because my mum is fantastic and will babysit and have the kids to sleep over at her house whenever I ask. She works in schools so has long holidays, and she used to childlike so is great with children and really enjoys having them. I think I actually look forward to the lie in the next day more than the night out! Is there anyone you would trust to have kids to sleep over?

About once a fortnight, I also definitely prefer it when I've arranged the lie in the next day with dh. Although irritatingly I went out last night, drank a bit too much and so was wide awake from 6.30 when dd2 woke up. I'm 36 and they are 3 and 1.

Is it like sex, the more you go out the more you want to?! You don't need to dance the night away, but just a couple of drinks at your local with a friend or your dp, or maybe the cinema, could be a nice quiet start? I'd your ds has sn and you are exhausted then I can see why it doesn't appeal. But if your dp would like to spend some time with you as a partner rather than a co-carer, then it's worth seeing if you can manage to go out more often?

I'm 39. Go out about twice a year now have DD. Used to go out about once or twice a week.

Ah yes, I forgot about the babysitting aspect! We have moved away from my family, dad will drive up to babysit but I don't like to ask too often as it means he misses his night out! MIL will babysit, but often not worth the strings attached!

Btw, I think I've got the dcs bit wrong! I was trying to say my ds is 4, and my dd is 3. However, I didn't mention the dss (2 teenage boys) who are here at weekends, and can babysit now. Need to make the most of it before they start going out themselves!

Yes, I think my problem is that dp wants me to go on a wild night out, and it's too much of a culture sock now I think!

oh yes, I'm 24.

The bit you said about your confidence struck a chord with me. I posted a few months back saying that although I didn't think I was depressed, I had felt that since having dcs (especially dd2, my youngest, who is now 3) I had become a bit withdrawn/lacking in confidence.

We have a fairly flexible babysitter, and I have started to think about invitations rather than instantly saying no thanks or making an excuse.

I do feel brighter and more confident now we go out occasionally (once or twice a month, for a meal, occasionally theatre)

I go out about once a month with a few friends. Just for a meal and a few drinks. Have the odd work night out (twice a year probably).

Have been out with DH 5 times in the last 4.5 years. 3 times overnight (weddings) and for 2 meals (when parents have been staying over). No relatives nearby.

I'm 35 and tbh feel really out of place now in pubs or clubs.
I looked at family photo's of a cousins 18 year old, all the parents were drunk in the photo's and looked complete prats tbh.
I think there comes an age where your place is to hand over the money and let the young un's have fun, not be trying to get in on the fun yourself. You have had your day.

What? On what planet is 35 having 'had your day'?! Since when has there been an age limit on going out? [gobsmacked emoticon]

I am 41, dd is 5 and I do go out fairly regularly, go for dinner with friends, cinema, gigs etc

sometimes go with dh but at present it is harder to go out together due to lack of suitable babysitters

I don't go out to get drunk or dancing mostly because it is never been my thing anyway

never too late to do the things you like

That's how I feel, if you feel differently that's ok too isn't it ?

I am 47, and love going out, the whole excitement of getting dressed up a bit, and changing out of 'civvies', having a laugh without DCs, being 'me' for a while...

Used to go to gigs, pubs, parties with XP about once a fortnight,but a bit tricky now,as don't have many friends who want to go out!

Very rarely do we go out without the boys, even tho we have babysitters to hand! We are just not interested. We do go out occasionally, eg for our birthdays, but that's it.And we are happy with that.

I have ds with SN needs that require high emotional energy from me. I am lucky as I go out one night every fortnight. I dont do anything special. i go training but have developed some really good friends and find that having the time away from having to think about Ds' needs that I am emotionally recharged and better at dealing with them iyswim. For me the turning point was deciding to go out. Made a huge difference to my confidence.

If you think it might be a full on think do you think that you could negotiate something less full on. Say ok, I can see your point in doing something for us. How do you feel about a meal and a trip to the cinema. Its out, its away from the children for a few hours. Ban any talk about the children. And not so full on that it will leave you wiped the next day. Well unless you enjoy yourselfs all night when you get back

I think his suggestion is good and that it has scope for negiotiation and compromise for what exactly night out entails.

GO FOR IT.

Dh and I agree we should go out separately once a week, rarely happens every week but next week I am out twice and he once, we usually spend weekends together and for some reason our once every fortnight get a sitter go out plan hasn't been happening as much. I guess we're more conscious of costs now and tend to have friends round for dinner instead! Works out cheaper than pub for drinks, dinner, cabs and sitter and fun! Op maybe you could entertain at home?

It's interesting to see pp in their 20's not going out, but just think when you hit your thirties your kids will be much easier and you will have plenty of time to build your social life! Afm I am on the wrong side of 30 so going out being social is an important balance!

I didn't go out for about 3 years.

Then I decided that the benefits of going out outweighed the down sides, and it was worth making an effort.

I now go out with my husband once or twice every weekend, usually to friends parties or out with a big group of people for a meal and drinks, but we also make sure we go out just the two of us once or twice a month. It is important.

I also tend to see girlfriends once a week, midweek. Sometimes for a boozy night either out or at someone's house, but sometimes just for a meal, or cinema, or art gallery opening or something.

It is a faff, and often I don't feel like going, but I find I am glad I made the effort.

I rarely go out, it's difficult to arrange the babysitting. I do think it is important to go out as a couple so we organise that about 4 times a year when there is a birthday/aniversary.

I'm also lucky to have a group of girl friends who are happy to have fairly tame nights outs about once a month.

DH has a hobby that he does once or twice a week and I think that would be my best bet of getting out more regularly. I'm looking for an exercise class locally so I can get out of the house on a more regular basis.

To my mind the 'wild nights out' I used to enjoy are not compatible with parenting, it's not just the night itself it's also the hangover. You'd need a babysitter for the whole weekend!

I last went out in August. Hopefully I am going out for a meal next month - and that will be it for the year .

My last proper (drunk) night out was 5 years ago .