What to do when you and oh disagree on parenting?

[Roo83]

I am a SAHM so have the children (2.4yrs and 8wks) pretty much on my own 90% of the time. When oh is around he doesnt really have them on his own, more dips in and out of whatever I'm doing with them through the day. However, we have recently ended up with some heated discussions as we both have very different views on parenting. eg. He's pro-smacking and I'm strongly against, he doesnt think we need a routine but I'm quite strict about wind down and bedtime routine. How do you others cope if you dont agree on some aspects of parenting? I dont want the children to end up confused by us treating them differently? Or do you think they adapt to different parenting styles?

I'm lucky that we tend to agree on most important stuff, but I often disagree with him on minor stuff. For example he will come in near bedtime and start playing rough/noisy games which don't work well with a tired toddler.

If it's something minor I try to bite my tongue (and not say I told you so when it lead to tears!) but on more major issues I have a veto. So basically if we discuss something and can't agree I say "I'm the one at home all day so what I says goes" and DH is ok wth that.

I think it is important for kids to have consistency and to feel parents are in agreement otherwise when older they may start to play you off against one another.