3 under 4

[kitkey]

I am new on here - but am looking for some advice and reassurance that my life is not going to collapse in June 2011. I am currently only 6 weeks pregnant with number 3. I already have DS1 who 3 in December and DS2 who is 18 mths. I really wanted number 3 and planned to conceive when i did, but i think i might have been a bit hasty with my decision - heart over head and so now I am in a complete blind panic about having 3 children under 4. Will I cope? How bad is it? The complicating factors are that I have no help at all from grandparents etc with the kids - DH is out from 8am-7pm 5 days a week. DS1 won't be able to go to preschool every morning as I need to keep him in his current nursery 2 full days a week as I need to keep his place (and DS2's) for when i go back to work after baby number 3s maternity leave (9 months) and I feel he is a bit old for playgroups now -he seems a bit bored. This however is a problem regardless of baby number 3 I suppose. I do struggle with my 2 as it is now - constant fighting and misbehaving and especially more so since I saw those 2 pink lines! DS1 still asks to go in the buggy (p&t) a lot of the time - will he grow out of it by 3.6? The saving grace is that DS1and2 will go to nursery 2 full days a week whilst I am on maternity leave. Please give your experiences or views even if it will make me feel bad - i need to be prepared! Thank you

Congratulations first and foremost! :o :o

Watching with interest! I'll be welcoming #3 in January and have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 2 yr old so very similar ages to yours.

It'll be hard, for sure, but it'll be fun and fulfilling >>nods enthusiastically as needs to convince herself this will be so

I had 4 under 5
My dh leaves for work at 7am and back 7pm.
so really the only time I am left thinking FGS is trying to do a shop with all 4 in tow.

Previews and realises she was no help atall

Thank ladies. I think it will be easier to get DS2 out the buggy than lazy DS1 but DS2 is more unpredictable and naughty! I have tested the water by mentioning to some friends that i want a 3rd child and i have bee called a nutter already - not supportive!

well i look at it this way
feeding,nappies,sleepless night ect

will all be over and done with when my friends are having their 2nd,3rd.

and i shall look on with this face.

I had 3 under 4 as DS was 3 when twins were born. He was at nursery 2 mornings a week but it sounds to me you are very lucky to have the two of them at nursery two whole days a week as that will give you time to rest with baby and no toddlers around. Don't worry about other peoples reaction, I had lots of "rather you than me" comments but now ds is 7 and Dt's nearly 4 they all play together and i can go on MN!!

Congrats you will be fine.

I'm a childminder and look after 3 under 5 (usually 3 under 4yrs tho tbh) I find routine is key, I have a double buggy with a buggy board, obviously in some ways it's easier for me because they are not my children so I can have a full nights sleep and I have weekends with just my own 2 who are 5 and 11.

I think if I was you I would sit down with dh now and come up with a plan to keep you both sane, draw up a time table where you and he gets lie in each per week, 1 night each per week to go out on your own and try to organise 1 night per month to go out as a couple, take turns to order food shopping online, maybe one afternoon every other week one of you takes the children out somewhere while the other cleans the house properly.
On the 2 toddler free afternoons I would use the time baby is asleep to sleep myself, sod the housework it can wait you need your sleep with having 3 lo's 24/7 with little help imo.

If needs be you and your dh can spend 20 mins every evening having a quick tidy before you sit down, if you both do it you will see how quick it can go from pigsty to acceptable.

We used to do this when dd2 was little. usually dh took dc's out while I cleaned and did all the washing and the food shopping would come while they were out so when he came home the house was clean, there were clean clothes in draws and food in the fridge. Also one of us used to bath the youngest child while the other helped dd1 with homework or vice versa.

hth

You just get used to I had #4 when #2 was 6 weeks past her 3rd birthday.

I think you just adapt to having a routine based very much around home and things in walking distance.

I suggest on line supermarket shopping!

Great advice LoveMyGirls - I'll be talking things through with my DH tonight! I love
lists too, so that'll satisfy me :o

CarGirl - online shopping was my mum's first bit of advice when I told her I was pg with #3! :o

kitkey hope you're feeling more reassured? I certainly am! :)

I love lists too and plans too.

Awww, congratulations on your new pregnancy :)

I have 3 children who are 4 and under. My oldest two turned 2 and 4 years old days before and after number 3 arrival.

TBH it is no harder having three young ones, than it is dealing with 2 children, 2 and under. i.e. If you are coping alright with two, chances are three will be just as fine with three.

I'm not saying it isn't tiring at times, but I very happy with my little brood and it is fun and very busy.

I would recommend doing your food shopping on-line and going with the flow as much as possible. Better to meet individual children's needs as they arise than tearing your hair out trying to meet a set routine.

Good ideas and much reassurance - thanks LoveMyGirls - Just need to get DH practicing getting home at 6.30pm and no later as when I first had DS2 and DS1 was only 17mths bed time was my complete and utter worst time of day as DS2 was colicky and would just scream and scream whilst I bathed and read DS1 a story - he wanted me to pace the floors with him. It cause great arguement.

I also think the big change is that we stopped trying to do as much "family" stuff somethings had to take a back seat for our sanity. We didn't hold huge birthday parties and that kind of thing.

Thanks Babieseverywhere - our posts crossed - One way I see it is I am flat out with them most days - have loads of washing, constant food preparation (with a lot of waste as always make too much that number 3 can have) that I am already saturated so i can't get much more busy! eek - Online shopping is the way forward - it is a logistical nightmare with the 2 of them at times anyway. I know that this isn't a real "problem" but I mainly worry about triple meltdowns in public and people commenting that I shouldn't have had the 3 so close in age - but it is what I wanted.

I tend to find it doesn't matter how many dc's I have with me there is always 1 who is having an off day tbh but I never have more than 1 crying at any one time, it is as if they know to take it in turns lol!

I have 3 under 4 (DS was 3.5 when DT's born). Yout don't have time to not just get on with it - and actually, it's really not too bad. If one child is getting on your nerves you just don't have the time to focus on that because everyone has needs. It is a balancing act and sometimes you juggle so much and still feel like you've not actually achieved anything. But it's fun, it's full on family, and the sense of achievement is pretty good! I'm finding coming in to winter hard with everyone needing kitting out in a million layers just to get to the shops, so we're going out less etc, and we have to think quite hard about activities we can all do, but it's mostly great - and that's the bit worth remembering!

Congratulations!
My eldest was 3.5 and second 2 when I had twins, it was hard work but worth every last moment, wouldn't swap any of it, ah the memories. Life was like a military operation at times, just need to find what works for you and go for it. These DC's are now in their 20's and the fun still goes on, and the phone never stops - and after a bit of a gap I went on and had a couple more so it couldn't have been that bad

"I mainly worry about triple meltdowns in public and people commenting that I shouldn't have had the 3 so close in age"

My third is a 2 month old baby so no triple meltdowns possible as yet !

I recommend taking a minimum of one sling and one set of reins out with you, even if you are using a pram. I carry them in the parcel shelf.

That way you have means to pick up one child and hang onto one of the walking children. That limits problems.

You can even sling quite a big child on your back if need be, I have carried my oldest at 4 years on my back, I have also suggested she might want to put reins on as she wasn't listening to me regarding safety near the road...she now listens.

As for people's comments. I had a few people ask if I had a TV and a few more asking why was I having a third as I already had one of each (girl than boy) but we knew our family wasn't complete and we wanted a new member of the family not just another baby.

At the end of the day, some people make it a habit to criticize parents, ignore them with a smile. You'll be happy for it :)

I have a 3 yo, a 16 mo and an 8 weeker. Everyone asked me if I was mad, and I used to get cross, but when baby was 3 weeks old, and DH abandoned me returned to work I thought that they were right and I panicked. But just two days later, I had upped my game and adjusted to the practicalities of having 3 and I was fine. It is just normal to me now. I find that they have different needs and usually at different times.

I do food shop on line so that if i do have to go to tescos its only for a small shop and not a biggy.

I do all the prep the night before, so I get bottles ready, kids outfits, pack bags, I even put bags into the car the night before.

I have just got a cleaner

I have stopped striving for me time cos it drives me mad. If I get some it is a bonus. I enjoy the kids so much that has now become my me time.

I have started doing time saving stuff such as I have gel nails so they always look good with no effort. i am having eyes lazered, so no arsing about with contact lenses, and i am planning on having semi permanenet eye liner done so that will save me about 20 minutes altogether in the mornings. I also get a mobile hairdresser to come to my house because there is just no other way, and paying childcare for 3 for 3 hours on top of the hair cut is not going to happen.

I now buy frozen mash, and prepped veg so that saves a little time, less hassle.

So I spose my coping stratergy has been to buy time. I would rather spend money on that than pay a child minder in order that I do these things myself.

Get a dispensing flask for the night feeds so you can just press it and a hot cuppa comes out.

Add half an hour onto journey times.

(sorry |I keep thinking of advice for ya, its all so current for me too)

Its a bit like a game of chess, I try and be about three moves ahead. So for example, I cook/prepare supper in the morning because at supper time, everyone is tired and hungry and tempers fly. I also try and get upstairs and get the bedtime bathtime stuff ready, so pj`s out, nappy stuff to hand. So I try and do stuff well before it needs doing otherwise it can kick off.

Sorry to keep writing stuff, I am finding it theraputic to tell someone who might be interested.

Thanks for all your wise words and good tips OnEdge - I am feeling better about it now and am excited on top of the fear. One friend I confided in yesterday said - surely the 17mths age gap has been your hardest point - well we will have to see but i hope so as early days were hard. I am definitely getting paid help for cleaning and online shopping

Babieseverywhere - i have an ergo baby carrier which I love - I still sometimes have to do dinner with the 17mth old on my back.

My new fear is that it might be twins - arghhhhhh