Am I kidding myself (and her) that she’s ready?

[Lizita]

DD is 2.1 and we?re on day 3 of potty training. We have had the potty for a long time and she?s been aware for ages of what it?s for and has in the past even done a wee & poo in it when I was light heartedly just giving it a go. This week, we have started properly.
There is hardly a dry patch of carpet in the living room and I?m sick of the smell of wee! DD is very keen to get the wee in the potty, she enjoys flushing it down the loo (has coincidentally managed it 2 or 3 times, including a poo yesterday). But from what I can tell, she has no control whatsoever, she stands there and looks down in dismay when a wee goes onto the carpet, says ?Wee wee in potty!? and has a couple of times even run to the potty in the hope there will be more. I think I may have made my disappointment too clear before I got used to the frustration (am now holding back with that!) and she obviously wants to do it right so I am feeling for her a bit?
I don?t really want to give up because she?s keen and knows what it?s all about, (plus yesterday I was getting lots of refusal to sit on the potty and today she has been happy to) but am I expecting too much, is it too early for her to learn control? I?m afraid of just setting her up for disappointment in the next few weeks!

She really doesn't sound anywhere near ready to me. Knowing what it's all about is a completely different thing to knowing when she needs to use the potty. Control isn't something she can learn to order, it's a physical thing - if she's not aware that she's weeing (and it doesn't sound as if she is) then there's no way that she can control it. She knows when she has weed, so that's a good sign - but control only comes when she becomes aware that she needs to wee.

She's still only ever so young - many children are closer to three than to two before they're ready. If you don't want to give up then you need to be prepared for a lot more puddles on the floor (and a lot more patience!).

Hi Lizita, I tried DS at 2.2 and there were puddles everywhere! Luckily we had tiled floors! He seemed upset by it and was ahppy to go back to nappies. I've just tried again (at 2.7) and he sorted it out straight away.

I'm with WWB, she doesn't sound quite ready. The keeness and understanding are both a good start but there is a physical element of readiness too.

Given that she's keen, if you can bear the thought of the puddles then give it a few more days. Do you always have the potty right with you for immediate use? If there's no improvement then go back to nappies and try again in a few more months. If she's upset at the thought of nappies, go for pull ups which, although a marketing gimmick and expensive, do allow you/her to pull them up and down like pants. I never used pull ups for actual potty training but I found them good for between attempts.

Get used to puddles and wet knickers though - even when trained accidents happen for a while

Lizita, she doesn't sound ready yet. It's all part of neurological development -if she isn't aware that she needs to wee, there's no point putting her or yourself through the stress. BTW, 2.1 is very young. I did a parenting course in Oz on toilet training because dd1 at 3.6 was point blank refusing to be toilet trained and the pressure I was putting myself and her under was making everything much worse (and setting her back). The most useful things I learned were 1. that you can't "train" a child. They do it themselves and only when ready. 2. According to the latest research from the US (using one of the largest control groups of toddlers ever on this issue) at age 3, less than 40% of children are toilet trained. But by age 4, over 90% of children are toilet trained. A friend who's dad is a urologist says that anything up to age 6 is still considered on the normal range!!

I hear what you're all saying. It's just that yesterday in spite of all the puddles i was holding out hope cos on occasion she was saying "wee wee potty" BEFORE she did a wee, although she would refuse to sit on the potty at that point, so wee ended up on the floor a few minutes later. That made me think she WAS aware she needed to wee. Today it's the other way round, she sits on the potty (usually) if I ask her to but the wee coming out seems to surprise her...
I will give it a couple more days and if there's no improvement I'll assume you're all right and go back to nappies! (Will be a relief tbh!) We are using pull-ups now (at night this week) because she is a nightmare trying to change lying down!

Well, one of the first things dd said at breakfast today was "potty". As I got the impression that it wasn't necessarily in a positive way, rather that it was playing on her mind, I asked her if she wanted to wee in the potty today or wear nappies. She chose nappies! So I have shelved the potty training for a while! With much relief I admit. The smell of my living room is doing my head in, I have gone out today and bought neutralising thingy that you vacuum afterwards, and essential oils to burn!!

Bicarbonate of soda is good for getting rid of the smell, sprinkle it into the carpet overnight and then hoover it up in the morning.

It sounds as if she was getting herself really worried about it, maybe because she was worried about disappointing you. I think it was a good call to ask her what she would like to do, it'll take the pressure of both of you. And now she knows a bit about what the potty's for, she still the option to ask you for the potty as well, once she's ready for it.

Yeah she has asked for the potty this afternoon, but to read books on!! Even asked to take her trousers & pull ups off to sit on it. I'm a bit that she associates reading with the potty! But the good thing is, she did check a couple of times to see if there was wee in it! So, yeah, I'm following her lead now, but I\m not letting her go bare bottomed for a while yet!