Ive a 12 year old, who up until about 4 years ago, didnt have contact with her father, However, we moved home, which stupidly is near where her dad lives, he has other children now, and i knew their paths would cross out and about, as i have a big playing park infront of my house. So i approached her dad, and his partner, and asked would they like to meet etc. Having known it would of eventually happen, given we lived so close. He agreed, and for sometime there was over night stays etc, and thier children also stopped over here.
As reasonable as it sounds, he dad isnt a very nice person, he was in prison while i was pregnant with her(i was a stupid naive 17year old), we split when she was 16months, in that time, he was drunk, violent, and basically a bully. I moved away from the area soon after, and while away, he never once foned her etc.
We come back as few years later, and like i said, we moved nearby. So felt a few years had passed, i know i had grown up,and had really grown into motherhood.
Since that meeting those years back, he dad still had odd occasions of violent outburst, whilst drunk in the street etc, but never harmed anyway my daughter.
About 6 months ago, my daughter and his eldest child, had rows, and to be honest it was his child being the bully, she broke my daughters mobile,(which her dad replaced, because he also knew my daughter was having a rough time with his oldest), she also had a big gang chanting my daughter was a thief in a playing park, she was supposed to have stolen a lipgloss, turned out it was infact my daughters lipgloss, and her dad did try and sort his daughter out.
I didnt pressure him to sort his daughter out, because i knew, he was doing his best to sort it.
3 months ago, he went through my daughters drawers, cupboards etc, and chucked alot of expensive clothes away of my daughter, his daughter was sat with him telling him everything was too small for my daughter etc, which wasnt true, she still at that time had issues with my daughter, and did it spitefully. It was pretty stupid of him to even consider asking her to help, given that she had done nothing but nasty to my daughter for months.
I phoned him tamping, he was f-ing and blinding, etc, and i told him she aint coming down again.
He has never paid CSA for her in the whole 12years, any clothes my daughter has, are clothes, my husband and i had bought for her
Nothing happened for 3 months, except, last night, my daughter came home, and her hair was wet, i asked her how, she tried telling me she had showered down her pals because she got muddy bigtime, with her pal. I knew she hadnt been to her pals because id called her earlier looking for her.
She then said she had gone to her dads, because she was really really muddy, like boggy muddy(so bad i had to swill her trainers, before i could put them in the machine to wash) to shower. Basically because she didnt want me telling her off for being, not a little dirty, but dripping in wet mud.
However, i did sense she missed her dad, so me and her chat, and decided, that if she wanted her dad, i would agree, on the condition her dad paid her £10per week, not me, but my daughter the money, given that some of the clothes he chucked, where clothes she bought with her xmas money etc. And seeing as he had refused to pay CSA before, it would either open her eyes to him, if he refused, or would replace the clothes etc, and give her money, that i feel she deserves from him
He agreed to it, when she went down and spoke about it, then he rang me, and said if its about money / it, im going for full custody.
I spoke to her about it, and she is saying dispite his badness she wants to live with him. It hit me for six. Ive been numb all night and, all today, i dont know what to do? Having spoken to her more last night, she said she does not know how she could possibly live with him given how he daughter has been treating her for months. And we compromised, and we came up with she can go there, every fortnight on a friday night over night, and the following week, on a tuesday, and thrusday night for tea.
I still feel numb though, the very fact she told me that did want to live with him, because ive got a 7 year old, and a VERY VERY busy 17 month old, that her dad gives her more attention than i do, my husband works hard, my daughters dad doesnt work, infact he is just a waster, his eldest daughter, is going from bad to worse, my daughter, is well behaved,polite, attends school everyday, not naughty in school, has always had a gleaming report from schools etc, and i feel if she was to move there, her life would go down hill.Im damright angry, that my daughter is so brill, because of the way ive brought her up for 12 years, and to have the possibility of her idiot dad, with his no morals, to change and undo all of it
im distraught.
i love my daughter dearly
i dont know what to do?