Feel bad, really yelled at DS [sad], sorry long

[arfasleep]

Yesterday, DS (5) playing up quite a lot,
tipped out his basket of teddies in his
room, hit me (lightly) over sweets/crisps he
wanted to have (can't even remember, seems
so petty), can't even remember if got naughty step for that, should have.
Anyway, dog was sick in the hall, when cleaning up DS basically 'hovering', told him to go in livingroom & out of way, I had a lamp on to see the mess (hall quite dark), so he put his toy basket over the lamp, I was , threw the basket in the living room, shouted 'Don't do that, stay out of the way!' so he went into living room, got one of his (large) toy cars & smiling, pushed it at me. Told him if he did it again he'd get bike ban (he loves his bike). He pushed it towards wall instead. Then told him to go upstairs & put teddies back in basket or same (bike ban). He slowly started to go past, I shouted 'Upstairs Now'. He went up & I think started to tidy his teddies. I then heard him crying, I asked whats wrong, he was sitting in room cuddling one of teddies crying. It occurred to me I had really shouted at him & felt bad about it. He said he 'couldn't stop crying', he'd tidied most of teddies so I helped him with rest.
Just find it so hard sometimes that he doesn't do what I say most of the time, most people I know think I'm too soft but unfortuately I think I make up for not being firm by serious shouting at times . Grr, feel a bit better having written it out, don't know if I was as mean as I thought, he was being v difficult.

Sorry, can't work out how to create paragraphs

Firstly, don't worry - you were at the end of your tether and it is no bad thing for children to learn that Mum has limits and can be pushed beyond them. He will have learned that actions have consequences.

Secondly - regarding not being firm enough, and him not doing what he's asked - there are plenty of ways to tackle this. You could set up a punishment and reward system where doing what he is asked when he is asked earns him a star or a sticker, and a certain number of those earns a treat; but not doing as he is told or being defiant means you take away a toy to a confiscation box and he has to earn those back.

Or you could use the naughty step - as supernanny says, give him a firm warning - 'I have asked you to put the teddies away - if you don't do it now, you will go to the naughty step' and then if he doesn't do as he is asked, put him on the step, one minute for each year of his life, keep putting him back firmly but calmly until he's done the 5 minutes, ask for and get an apology, hug and move on. (Apologies if you know this already - I do sound awfully preachy).

Things can and will get better, and I am sure that you are a good mum - if you weren't, you wouldn't be worrying now.

{{Hugs}}

I think it's always pretty natural to feel a little guilty if your kids look upset after you've shouted at them, I sometimes do. But then again, you could say it's almost good that they've taken it to heart. As long as you sit with them afterwards and explain that you were only cross because they were pushing their luck when you were busy. Kids (especially at 5!) are just trying to push you to find where your limit is, and as long as that limit is firmly set, they probably won't try it again. It seems to me you've set the boundary pretty well.

I understand you're upset, I really do. I can really, really shout quite loud and at times I think it absolutely terrifies my kids But I always try to go and talk to them afterwards once I've calmed down to a) make sure they're not too traumatised () and b) make sure they understand why I shouted.

Don't worry, he still loves you, and you love him.

Thanks, I do use the naughty step but sometimes maybe not consistently, he'd be on it all day Think I do need to be more consistent though, thats always where we go wrong, I think, DP very similar but more so. I do find it difficult thinking of consequences esp when out & about, can't do naughty step at shops! Have the bike ban & have heard others do tv ban but not sure I could cope with that, it gives me some peace . Might be worth trying, I would like him to watch less tv. Might try the toy confiscating thing but unfortunately he has so many prob wouldn't care

Thanks too WingDad x-posted, I do worry that when he grows up he'll say 'My mum used to really yell at me & was always really angry' (maybe on Jeremy Kyle !!) Have overheard him say to DP 'Mummy was cross with me today', always try to comment & ask him if he remembers why, there is usually a reason! DP is sympathetic, he's not at home with him all day, think I have to remind myself that I am at end of tether & he is very naughty sometimes, me & my siblings would never have hit our parents