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Parenting

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Original poster

Advice needed for reluctant potty trainee please...

17 replies

fletchie · 14/09/2005 10:29

Would really appreciate some words of wisdom for anyone who has been through this potty training lark. My two and a half year old dd is very bright, articulate, able to sit still and concentrate for a sustained period, is aware of going to the loo... in short fulfills the criteria for being READY!
However, she has other ideas and is not willing to give it a go - She won't go near her potty, gets upset if I leave her nappy off for longer than normal and when reading 'I want my potty', will tell me potties are yeucchh not nappies! GAAAAAAAHHH!!! I don't know where to start, I know I shouldn't force her but I have an inkling she knows she holds that all important power over me. I am worried that the older she gets the more difficult it will be but I don't want to battle with her.
Please help!

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franke · 14/09/2005 10:35

Just had a similar scenario with my dd who is 3 this week. I was sure she was ready months ago but was very upset if I even suggested the potty. I then got her a potty chair as I thought the potty was too small and uncomfortable. She didn't take to that either. In the end I backed off completely and just idly suggested the potty every now and again. About a month ago she decided to go on the big toilet (with a child seat) and we've never looked back, only a handful of accidents. So my advice is to back off and let her do it in her own time. If she knows what to do, she'll get the hang of it very quickly when she's mentally ready. hth

ScummyMummy · 14/09/2005 10:39

I'd say leave it another month and try again, personally. She's still pretty little. When you restart you could try taking her to the potty without much conversation or fuss every so often rather than asking her if she needs to go. E.g. "Potty time!" take hand , lead her to potty, sit her on it. I know some other posters have reported that this works well and bypasses all the "I won't do it" horror. Good luck, whatever you decide. Can be a frustrating time but it usually all comes together in the end.

bobbybob · 14/09/2005 10:41

My ds is the same, but in his case I don't think it's power, I think he's a bit fearful - he tends to not do things until he is sure he can get it right. Yesterday he found a free sample pull up and asked what it was, I made the mistake of telling him the picture would disappear if he did a wee. Ds takes off pull up and asks for nappy saying he doesn't want to spoil pull up. I explain that it doesn't matter if he spoils it - we can get more. he decides to go to toilet, can't wee, asks for nappy. I want my potty book didn't help because she wees on the floor. Ds was very upset that she didn't get her potty in time - but says it's her fault for not saying Please.

So as you can see, he's got all the words, but he's just not ready emotionally.

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Original poster

fletchie · 14/09/2005 10:42

Thank you franke. My instinct is the same as yours, it's just that I've heard that there is a 'window of opportunity' between two and two and a half and I'm worrying that I've missed it. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one with a stubborn dd!

OP posts:

bobbybob · 14/09/2005 10:44

I reckon my window was at 15 months and I've missed it!

Original poster

fletchie · 14/09/2005 10:45

Actually booby bob my dd can be similar to your little one. She hates getting things wrong, I hadn't considered that she might not be emotionally ready. Thanks for the advice. Will back off and see what happens x

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Original poster

fletchie · 14/09/2005 10:47

Oh god sorry bobbybob didn't mean to call you booby!!! As you can see I missed my window of opportunity when learning to type!

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LIZS · 14/09/2005 10:51

dd was similar and trained at 2 years 8 months but had the odd accident until she was 3. I'd leave herfor now - she will realise her friends are using the toilet and will do so herself eventually. From bitter experience the battle is not worth it.

In fact because dd was relatively late she decided to use the toilet rather than a potty much quicker than some of her friends and didn't need a special seat.

Original poster

fletchie · 14/09/2005 16:00

That is reassuring - thank you. TBH I would rather her go straight on the toilet as it is probably easier when going out etc...
The little madam has just walked in and said 'Are you writing about me, mummy?' - I bet she has been blimmin looking at mumsnet while I thought she was asleep and is loving this!!!

OP posts:

bobbybob · 14/09/2005 20:07

I live in NZ and it is extremely common to go straight to the toilet - we don't even have portable potties here!

cod · 14/09/2005 20:07

Message withdrawn

cod · 14/09/2005 20:08

Message withdrawn

bobbybob · 15/09/2005 01:44

Just seen a boy and mother dive out of a car so he could do a poo in a supermarket bag - maybe NZ does need portapotties after all!

Now it's not just ds who isn't emotionally ready, it will take me a while to get that image out of my head.

Jenny1973 · 15/09/2005 23:31

My dd is 2.5, she started to usse the potty at 2.4. We tried several times before that for her to use the potty,but she just shouted no no no.I bought cheap pottys from the pound shop & put 1 in every rm.I left her without any pants on for a few days,we had accidents of coarse,but then she just went on herself,in her own time. I do say though she loved the praise she got.The only trouble I have now is she wants to empty it herself-but thats another story. Im lucky really as she has pull ups on when we go to town or an outing & she still pulls them down & asks for a wee wee,but with my older ds,he wouldnt use a potty at all, & pull ups confused him. so all kids are different.They do it in their own good time. Good luck fletchie. Believe me my dd is as stubborn as a mule- but Love her to bits-bless

Original poster

fletchie · 16/09/2005 08:57

Oh no! Now I am really cofused! So do you think it is a good idea to leave all her nappies out for the fairies and leave her no option but to use potty/loo? Or to leave well alone for time being? I know every child is different and different methods work for them, has anyone else had experience of cold-turkey potty training?

OP posts:

bobbybob · 16/09/2005 19:43

If you leave them out for the fairies what do you do at night? Ds sleeps for 12 hours - that's along time to expect him to hold on.

I also think that this works for Cod because she is so confident it will work.

franke · 17/09/2005 08:46

Fletchie - only you know how your dd is likely to react. Cold turkey just would not have worked for us because of my dd's personality, and to me it would have felt like bullying. But I'm sure it works for other kids and they are fine with it. It's your call

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