Hi all,
I need some advice on how to handle my 4.7 year old DS's recent change in behaviour. He started school in September, has settled well, and before starting school was generally well behaved (had moments of course!), an normal as any other 4 year old.
Since starting school he has started to back chat and does the most annoying thing in the world in that when I am telling him off he copies what I am saying to him and repeats it back a fraction of a second after I've said it. He actually repeats it back so quickly it's almost skillful, I don't know how he does it but good god it is infuriating. When I am telling him off, if he isn't doing the repeating thing, then he looks away, pulls funny faces and generally seems completely unbothered by whatever I'm saying. I feel like when I've finished telling him off he says sorry because he has to not because he thinks he's done anything wrong.
He has also become a lot rougher with DS 2 (3 next month). Before September they got on usually very well, oviously has arguments at times but because of the small age gap they are into the same toys and tv programmes etc. so have a lot in common. A couple of weeks ago over the space of 2 days DS2 had annoyed DS1 in some way (he hadn't actually done anything wrong, DS1 just decided he had) and the first thing he said was ?I'm going to really hurt you now?, later that night he was having a strop because he didn't want to go to bed so ran up and punched DH, then the next day in the morning he said to DS2 ?I'm going to hit you? and then later on ?I'm going to beat you up?. He rarely actually hits him but I find it almost worst that he is thinking about it enough to say the words, it's not like a sudden frustated hit out. Not sure if that makes sense.
I struggle with punishment with him. Naughty step doesn't work, sending to bedroom ? he will go, but his bedroom is full of toys so it's not too much of a punishment. He did actually hit is cousin today (again really uncalled for behaviour) and I've told him he can't go to his football club next Saturday which he loves (but the club won't be on anyway because of half term! He doesn't know that so is upset about it, but not devastated). I feel like I need a punishment that will actually affect him and perhaps make him think about his actions in the future.
I am generally easy going until they misbehave and then I know I shout too much. I feel like the children should listen to me when I ask them to do something. For example if we are going out then I'll give them a 10 minute warning that we'll be going so and then they'll need to come and get coats and shoes on. Then 5 minutes, then 2 minutes and then I say come on time to go, get your coats/shoes. If they don't come I'll ask again, then will say in a stern voice ?come now please I have asked you nicely and don't want to get cross?. If they still won't come then I just shout at them. I feel like I've given plenty of warning and asked them enough times so I can't help but get really cross with them.
I've read up on tactics on how not to shout but at that moment I just can't help myself.
The incident where he hit his cousin this afternoon has put me in a bad mood with him all afternoon which I know is wrong. To be honest I feel really pissed off with him and want thing to change but don't know where to start.
I had decided he was just knackered from his first half term at school and had planned to have a really lazy week and let him recharge his batteries a bit. If any of you have got school age children do you think it could be that he is really tired???
Sorry this is so long, I feel so cross at him and then so cross and upset at myself for being cross at him that I really needed your thoughts on the situation.
x