Can you help siblings to enjoy each other's company?

[bitzermaloney]

Ds1 is 4.3 and ds2 is 14 months old. Very young to be worrying about this, I know, but...

Very occasionally they will have a bit of fun running up and down the hallway together laughing, but mostly ds1 ignores ds2 or complains about him and overreacts to being touched by him. Obviously ds2 is still at the grabby and pushy stage so it's understandable that ds1 would get annoyed, but he seems very oversensitive to it.

I see friends' children of similar ages hugging each other sometimes or being pleased to see each other when the older one gets home from school, and feel a bit worried that they never show affection to each other or show pleasure at seeing each other. Ds2 probably as a result is starting to mostly ignore his older brother except when he wants to snatch a toy, and I'm worried it's all going to go wrong.

I am probably massively oversensitive to this as I had a terrible relationship with my sister right from the start and we only really started to get on as adults.

Is there any way I can help them see the good sides of each other? Any good activities to do with children of their ages that don't involve toys to argue over?

Thanks cat64. We do try to give them time on their own with one of us (ds1 rarely wants to be completely alone atm). But on my non-working days when I've got the two of them on my own it's proving hard to find things to do that they both enjoy.

I think it is quite normal and isn't a sign that they won't get on well one day.

Closer age gap here. Toddler used to say 'Don't go and get her' when baby woke from nap and 'put her back to bed' frequently.

They now get on well, play loads together and cuddle (7 and 5)

When they were smaller, I used to get the eldest to roll a ball for the youngest to fetch. Also to build towers for her to knock down. We'd dance to music and I'd make 'tunnels' for them to crawl through with my legs or by going on all fours. Or march around the house doing a 'parade' with toy instruments and percussion instruments.
Playdoh and painting. And I read a lot of books which they both liked. It all required a lot of input from me!

Also they can both help a bit with chores, hanging out the washing, sorting socks, dusting.

Eldest used to do anything he didn't want youngest to get her hands on at the dining table with all the chairs except his moved away. That way we could all be in the same room but he could have his space.

From reading about sibling rivalry, I believe it is best to let the eldest understand it is ok not be interested in his sibling or even to actively dislike his presence as long as he doesn't hurt, call names etc.

Aim to have quality 1 to 1 time with each of them - then also aim to set up situations where they can have fun together. The hugs and kisses will hopefully happen naturally.

When the younger one is old enough teach him to say 'turn please' instead of grabbing. Teach the eldest one to use firm but polite words with the sibling - 'stop grabbing me please', 'be gentle please' etc .. Maybe also have a laugh with your eldest about the youngest ones behaviour. Try and see the funny side and reward him when he is patient with his sibling. A choc button for each time he could have lost it but didn't. You need to promote more positive communication between them.

Mine are abit older (2 and 7) and sometimes i just send them to their different rooms for 5 mins if they are not getting on. Seems to take the heat out of the situation.

I know some people promote just letting kids sort things out between them and my parents did this with me and my brothers. The problem is that we just got stuck communicating negativly and are ony just growing out of it in our 30's.

I think just letting them sort it out only works if you have already shown them how to resolve their differences in a civilised way.

Give it a few months - we have a smaller age gap (20 months) but dd1 showed no interest at all in dd2, in fact she was quite horrible to her, until dd2 got to around 18 months and started talking.

Their relationship started to grow from around then.

They can now be quite sweet together, though they can also wind each other up as well. As others have said, its still useful to give them some attention separately at times.

They are too little to worry about this too much at the moment.

mine are 10 and 7 and they get on best when there is nothing else to do. Days when we are just styaing at home and 'what do you mena we're nor doing anything today' type days. Or when we've been on holiday without any other kids around.

It takes them a while and you have to let them get through the moping around sniping at each other stage, and move on to the 'alright I'll play with you but...' negotiating stage and then they eventually mircualously become involved in games together for hours and moan when it's time to stop playing and get up early the next day to carry on the game.

We know ours need time together to get on well, otherwise we find we're just rushng around doing stuff together but not really togteher IYKWIM? So we try to build this into our hectic lives and make sure we have days at home and holidays where there is no entertainment except each other. Ilove it when they play together.

It works. hopes this helps in the future.

That is all helpful, thanks. I definitely agree just leaving them to sort it all out on their own is not the way to go (I've read Lord of the Flies... )