Should we have another baby?

[TigerStar]

I'm new to this site and have just discovered this section which I think is fantastic! I've always felt as though I'm the only one with a disability and a child, but now know that's far from true.

I have a rare muscle wasting disease in my thighs that is similar to Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type III and so I have balance issues, can't run, can't go up/down stairs without a handrail, fall if I trip or lose balance and can't get up unaided etc, walk with a stick (unless I've got the buggy!) and drive with hand controls.

In 2008 my wonderful DS was born and together we have coped pretty well. Because I can't do what able bodied Mums can it means he's had to get on and do some things on his own and thankfully it means he is a really independent and confident child which makes for a far easier life with a toddler! But the pregnancy and birth have left me with lower back problems, knee problems and general achy/stiffness that I never had before. This has lead my DH and I to decide not to have another child, but I know deep in my heart that I really would love another.

So I would like to know if anyone with anything similar has gone on to have more children and whether their problems got worse/better? How do you cope with two? Do you think we'd be mad to have another or should we be grateful for having one healthy, happy boy? I know this is a decision only DH and I can make but I would love to hear others' experiences. x

Hi TigerStar and welcome! I can't answer for your condition I'm afraid, but I didn't want to leave this unanswered.

For me, I haven't regretted having my two fantastic DSs. I have a different disability which pregnancy was unlikely to leave me permanently more disabled, but I can see why you have had to make that very difficult decision. However, we have definitely decided not to go for a third for my health and mobility reasons (well and age, but that's another story!).

Children are great adapters and my two have also had to learn and understand that there are things I can't do which their friends' mothers/parents and my DH can. We muddle along and do the things we can.

Enjoy your DS while he's little - they grow up too quickly (my DS1 started school this year!).

Hi I have a form of muscular dystrophy and have 2 children age 6 and 2. I have similar problems to what you mentioned (can't use stairs/run/trip and fall/can't get up off the floor) My health did get worse with each child, developed a leaning backwards walk with my 2nd baby which gives me back pain.

I wouldn't go back on the decision to have a 2nd baby if I could, yes I am worse but I feel my 2nd son adds hugely to our family and my daughter seems much happier not to be an only child.

It was hard to have a baby again as there was a lot i couldn't do with my son but you seem to adapt and get on with it. My older child was a brilliant little helper!

My only regret is both of my children have the condition so if I was to do it all again I would look into IVF but then if I did with my 2 they wouldn't be the same kids :(

I wouldn't have a 3rd as I feel my family is complete and a 3rd would be sure to make me wheelchair bound. If you decide to go ahead don't let anybody tell you, you shouldn't do it. You have thought about it hard, and i'm sure you can do a better job than some able parents with or without the disability x

Probably controversial but...

My mum has MS and I grew up with her having limited mobility, ending up using a wheelchair when I was about 13. My dad was her main carer and she was diagnosed before I was born. I spent years resenting her having me as I never felt I had the childhood I should have, and that she was selfish.

As an only child though, I wished I had another sibling, so it wasn't me doing all the caring.

I have MS and struggle with whether we should have another. Part of me wants to give DS a sibling so he's not alone in having to deal with me - whether it's dealing with my MS or my embarrassing stories - but I also want to keep myself as healthy as I can for DS and DH, which may mean not having another baby.

Hello

I believe we all wonder the same thing. l have one daughter with different disability however my husband is blind on one eye and badly partly sighted on other.

Dear Jendifa you made me think. For couple of years now me and my husband are split over having another child or not. I don't wish my daughter to be alone. I want her to have a sibling. I think its very important.

Second issue I think a lot of is if my daughter or other children if we have more will resent me for exactly same issues you mention.