OK, how do parents with English as a first language deal with this?

[Gory09]

My first language is French, I have lived here long enough and hope to have a reasonable command of English but in our family there is a problem that I do not seem to be able to overcome. The "you" being used whether I am talking to just one of my DCs or the 4 of them IYSWIM. It is very difficult, in particular with DS2 as he takes everything personnaly anyway but I hate when I use "you " adressing to all of them and he starts complaining "why are you telling me off?" as if I was picking on him alll the time rather than making a general comment.

Am I suposed to say "you lot" when I mean more than just one of my DCs? I thought the context determines the understanding but it does not seem to work here. Maybe I am just really bad at communicating?

How do you (lot) adress the issue?

Could you give an example of something you might say?

no, we native English speakers have the same problem (at least I do!)

I add DD/DS name ", you have to go to bed now"

or when telling them off, saying "and I mean, BOTH of you!" etc.

I have the same thing when I say you to both of them, ds always thinks I'm telling him only!
I have to try and say 'you two', 'both of you' or 'can you both stop...' with your 4 dc you could say 'you all' or 'all of you stop/come here/etc'

Just speak French to your DCs

Ok here is an example, they have messed the livingroom and are all still in it. I come from the kitchen and say "Could you please tidy this mess?"(not looking at anytone in particular) and Ds2 would everytime answer "Why just me?"

[hblush] Yes Bonsoir, I should should't I? (mostly do when I am moody for some reason)

TanteRose, I do the "And I mean all of you " as well but if I happen to forget there is always misunderstandings. Glad it is not just me though.

Agree with above posts. I would also speak French and English both to them (we are in similar situation) - get them used to the language - when wanting to refer to them both I say there names DD and DS can you please clear up your toys or can you both etc?

Would "Everyone please tidy this mess" do it?
It might work linguistically but, in reality, I would allocate jobs or else they would all just look to the others to do it!

Oh we have this ALL the time. I over exert myself trying to anticipate their ructions over who I am asking to tidy; who I am blaming for the trouble making, etc.

So, it isn't lingual as you can see from other posts, it's childhood belligerence! Plus, I don't know what to do about it, sorry.

Agree with the others. I've found in any scenario if you don't allocate jobs then nobody reacts, so if I say will someone lay the table there will be no volunteers.

1234, I line them all up and send them off with a task. It drives me nuts how specific we have to be. This is exacerbated by the fact that they all find it necessary to police each other on their tasks, and also that DS1 has discovered pedantry.

Me: "DS1 have you left a biscuit in the toilet?"
DS1 "No! Not in the toilet"
Me: "DS2, have you?"
DS2: "Me?" "Do you mean me?"..............................

DS1 "Do you mean in the room that has the toilet in it?"

Me:

I don't speak english to my children.
in my native language we have different words for 'you' and 'you lot' anyway.
but in dc's nursery they say 'name you' if they mean a specific child and not everyone.

In Ireland we use "ye" for plural

Very handy, it is..

speak in French! Much better for them, I really regret that my mother never spoke in her mother tongue and I have lost that now

OUt of interest, why aren't you speaking French to them?

I do the 'how to talk' thing and say 'There's a lot of stuff on the floor in here'. 'This room needs to be tidied'

Thanks for all the tips.

I do speak french with them but not as much as I should. Since they are all in full time school it gets harder I think.

Mousymouse, my Dad is Italian and never spoke to us in Italian at home because he wanted us to fit. He had a very hard time himself (came to Switzerland wih his dad when he was 14 and was not actually welcommed) I also regret having lost a language, although I can understand it my speaking of it is very approximative. I seem to be reproducing the exact same situation though .

Othersideofthechannel, if I tell them "something needs tidying" I am pretty sure it won't get done

Use "Yous". Works in Liverpool

Or pretend you're from Texas and say "y'all".

Definitely speak in French to them when at home. It's so useful especially when they're in secondary school and if they ultimately want to go on and do languages at A-level or a degree. I'm maybe slightly biased as I'm currently on hols in France and my French is rubbish

I don't think it's your command of English, just kids being kids. I'd say... "I want everyone to tidy the room" or "I expect all the toys to be back in the box in 10 mins"

Scottish people also have the option of 'yous'. I find it very useful with the kids in work too - I know I should model standard English but it's just too helpful!!