Want to catapult myself out of the window

[birdynumnums]

Hello (I am new here),

Am sitting here having had the hoover on for 20 minutes. It is the only way I can stop my 12 week old baby from crying. I got him to sleep at 11.30 pm and he woke up at 1am - we have been awake since. Feel devastated as my 2 year old will be awake in an hour and just don't know how I can face the day ahead.

My little boy is being treated with gavsiscon for possible silent reflux. He has had good days but mostly bad. I have to hold him all day otherwise he will cry and cry. If I get him to sleep in the daytime, he will wake up within 10 minutes of being put down again. My one saving grace has been that I have been able to get him to sleep for 6 hours at night but over the last 7 days, this has deteriorated and is getting worse each day.

Been trawling the internet for advice but keep reading comments from people moaning that their babies wake up at 5am or that they can only get them to nap for 45 minutes at a time in the day - I know it's unreasonable but I want to punch these people in the face. I would love their predicament.

At the moment, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Hate to say it but I have not enjoyed the first 3 months of my baby's life and that makes me really sad. Feel sorry for my 2 year old because I'm too tired to have fun with him and i'm always holding the baby anyway. Anyone been through this and survived? Any advice?

Hi and welcome to MN. Things sound stressful just now :( It WILL get better. Do ou have a sling so you can hold him but have hands free? Have you got anyone who can give you a break?

Hello,

Don't think you are all alone at this time of the morning.

Have you tried a sling to hold the baby and free up your arms during the day?

There are lots of possible suggestions for reflux, have you searched the archive, try the purple advanced search button (top right under the blue banners).

I had a friend who used a wedge of foam under the cot mattress to keep her baby from laying completley flat as apparently laying flat is not comfortable for reflux babies.

I'm sure people will post help when they login to MN later on as there are lots of mums with experience of reflux on MN.

Hello,

Thanks for your replies. I have not tried a sling as keep desperately trying to cling on to the hope that I will get him to sleep independently. However, I am starting to realise that things can't get any worse so may try one.

I have a partner who is great with practical support. He will cook, clean and do everything else but hold a screaming baby. He gets very stressed out. It annoys me but he's crap with newborns. He's a lovely dad to my 2 year old though.

Had loads of offers of help from family for my first born but no so much with this one. Can't say I blame them. My mom came round yesterday and did all my ironing but nobody really wants to look after the baby as he's very stressful. Partner is going to ask his mom if she will take the boys for a couple of hours this morning but if she does, i will have to tidy the house

Is the health visitor able to suggest anything? could you get some paid help to hep you once in a while to look afther the baby and your toddler so that you can sleep a little. even a couple of hrs sleep will give you the energy to cope. Prioritise your health here - the house can wait. Hope you are able to find a soln. I know how hard sleep deprivation is.

If someone will look after the boys, sleep. Do not tidy the house. Sleep and surviving are far more important than a tidy home.

I have 2 ds's and neither of them have slept well. I have spent the last 5 years living on at best 6 hours sleep and at worse 3 hrs grabbed in hr sections. My house is a mess, only what is essential gets done, but I have learnt not to care. Rest and sleep (to stop me from going insane) is far more inportant.

Does your lo sleep better if he is being pushed round in the pushchair? My eldest would only sleep in the pushchair whilst moving. Lots of people went on very long walks so I could get a bit of sleep.

Not so many offers to look after ds2 though!

Sobha, health visitor wants us to try comfort milk for a week and then ask gp for paediatric referral if it doesn't help. Unfortunately paid help isn't an option for us at the moment as on crappy maternity pay.

Thanks for your reply tutu. He does respond to movement. I have got him a cradle swing which helps in the day a bit but was of no use last night. Poor baby was inconsolable.

Partner's mom has just come round to take the boys for a couple of hours and after a few cups of tea, I feel alot more rational. Feel a bit embarrassed about my melodramatic post now. I sound like some sort of mentalist don't I?

Am already dreading tonight though. I think i'm finding it so hard because my first was so damn easy. I used to think that I must be such a good mother to have such a perfect baby. Now I realise that I was just bloody lucky. Oh well, will see if I can get a little snooze now before my little monsters return.

{{{{hugs}}}}

It does get better, honestly. dd had reflux... projectile vomiting and all and it was hell for the first six months and gradually got better after that.

She couldn't/wouldn't sleep for longer than a few minutes at a time, she couldn't tolerate lying down at all, the only sleep she got was lying on me semi upright or propped up on pillows in the bed (which meant i couldn't relax and get some sleep as all the dire warning about cot death and suffocatiing baies kept whizzing round my head)

She cried constantly, to the point that our neighbours commented on it. There were times i had to put her down in the cot and walk out of the room for a few minutes as i honestly feared if i held her screaming for another second i might snap.

It didn't help that dp worked nights so i was alone for the night time hell and the daytime misery as he needed to sleep in the day.

I was lucky though as she was my first so i didn't have to try and juggle older children, my third was a non put downable baby and he spent most of his first six month in our arms or in a sling strapped to me but at least he wan't screaming and vomiting so it was manageable.

I totally agree with tutu's advice... ignore the house, live on easy meals or ask someone to cook for you and focus on sleep and rest.... i used to find dd would sleep lying on my chest while i sat and watched tv so most of my mornings were spent like that and the rest was almost as valuable as sleep.

Could you arrange a morning or two of nursery a week for your 2 year old... dd started at barely 2 three mornings a week and loved it and it gave me time to spend with just ds1. It wasn't easily affordable for us but it saved my sanity a bit.

You didn't sound melodramatic at all, non sleeping screaming babies are torture of the worst kind and three months in is pretty much the hardest point.

Thanks for your message summerrain. It's comforting to know that someone else has been through this and come out of it intact. Though your baby only got better at 6 months? That is a little scary. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I start to feel like I might dislike my baby but then he gives me a rare smile and I know I do very much.

Was your baby treated with gaviscon? My baby is never sick but they think the acid must be travelling back down his esophagus and burning him. It worries me that they don't really know what's wrong though and he may be being misdiagnosed. When he is going through a screaming fit, he looks deathly pale and this really concerns me.

I brought her to the doctor at 6 weeks and told him that she was puking constantly (most of every feed) and crying all the time.

He told me 'She probably just has a touch of reflux... come back if it gets worse' I was 20 and she was my first baby so i didn't push the matter, i thought it was all normal and i just wasn't able to cope with what everyone else did. It didn't get worse because it was already as bad as it could bloody well get!

It was only really when i had ds1 that i realised how completely abnormal her behaviour had been and how unwell and in pain she must have been

I could strangle that doctor for dismissing me like that

Oh that's awful. I got fobbed off by the first doctor I mentioned it to but luckily the health visitor took me seriously when I took him to baby clinic to be weighed and referred him directly to another doctor who agreed to treat him.

Definately get a sling. I had to carry my baby all the time also. I found with her in a sling I could still play with ds, wash up, even bath ds.

You definately don't sound like a menatlist! A constantly crying baby and sleep deprivation are the worse forms of torture. I spent 6 months in a complete haze literally only just surviving. I was able to just about look after my 2 dc's, but we didn't go out, didn't have people round (other than family) and Dp and I took it in turns to sleep at night.

I developed PND which was partly to do with my ds2 being ill (not seriously, but at the time dr's thought it was potentially life threatening), but also I believe due to lack of sleep.

I would see if you can push it with your dr maybe for a referral to a specialist just to check nothing is being missed.

Hi birdy, sorry things are so hard. My dd ( now 8 months) has reflux, but the puking kind, I think silent reflux can actually be worse because the acid goes up and then back down, so hurts twice as much. If I knew then what I know now I would have got more medical help earlier and been more assertive about this. My dd was put on ranatidine, and later, once we got a paediatrician referral, omeprazole instead- both these meds affect the acid production and did seem to make a real difference to her pain. Has your gp talked about next steps if the gaviscon is not doing the job?

Oh poor you... My DD had reflux, it was really hard for the first six months, to the point when i couldn't/wouldn't leave the house for days because of her non-stop crying....

First of all, it will get better- for sure. Just keep on telling yourself this ;-). Secondly, get a sling- i had the one with the rings, more like a pocket which you put on one shoulder and put a baby inside- it saved my sanity, honestly. Get a beko carrier- you can use it from 0 months and it's great. Don't try to make your child sleep independently now- he won't and you will just strees out trying to make him do it. Just take it easy, go with the flow, sleep when your son does and take each day as it comes. And try to get out of the house- fresh air and a cup of coffee helps.

And remember- it will get better!!!

I so feel for you!

I have a 7wk dd with silent reflux and it's absolute hell. I had to change GP because the first thought I was being a neurotic first-time mum and then the second only agreed to prescribe Zantac and Maalox because I practically refused to leave his office if he didn't. 8days into the meds and she is finally (Seeming - touch wood) to be a calm baby, although we still have bad days and she still doesn't sleep great.

I also felt wary about 'spoiling' her ie letting her sleep on me, or carrying her around in a sling, but firstly I read you can't spoil a baby up to four or five months and secondly if it meant she could sleep more than 15mins at a time - great and also allowing me to get things done or even to be able to doze a bit with her.

Survival is what it is.
Anyway I really am with you. And even though I wonder if it will ever normalize, I still keep hoping.