Need advice on dealing with possible serious situation with dd friend

[dontknowhattodo]

Hello

I have changed my nickname - I am a regular'ish poster and have a tricky situation and don't know who to ask for advice - please help Mumsnet!

My dd has been friends with a girl in her year at school since starting at local school in Year 3. The mother often smells of alchol - at all times of the day, including first thing in the morning. Yesterday my dd had a call from her friend saying her Mum was still asleep (12 noon) and had been doing this quite a bit recently - she called later for dd but we were out. Dh took a call from friend this p/m and dd called back - friend and brother were not in school today as, according to dd friend, her Mum did not wake up until 5.30pm.

I have the fathers number (they are divorced) but am reluctant to call - may even have Grandmothers number somewhere (Mothers mother). Dh suggests I call Social services or inform the school which I don't really want to do, he is concerned something might happen to them and we would never forgive ourselves (they are 10 and 7)

Help - really do not know what to do about this one!!!!!!!!

Am thinking of having dd friend over tomorrow and having quiet chat?

Is the teacher aware of the situation? Surely if the children are not in school they must be attempting to find out why. If so, AFAIK they have a duty to follow it up in a professional capacity.

talk to the school

do not get personally involved

make someone with the ability to help officially aware of the situation

it is abuse

They are off a fair bit - I think if the Mum finds it difficult to get up she phones up them both 'sick' - God I am really mixed up over this one - whichever way I do it, it will be messy - don't want to be named as 'shopping' her

Agree with Miaou, just mention it to the school, it is something they should be involved in. I would without a doubt!!!!

Poor kids!!!!

There will be a designated teacher at the school who is in charge of child welfare, I agree, it may be best to talk to them first, they have direct routes to people who can help if it is needed.
Don't envy you this situation but it's fasntastic you're not turning a blind eye which I have known many to do.

I agree, don't get involved personally, pass it to someone trained to deal with it. you can invite the dd over if you want to keep an eye on her/give her supper somewhere stable but don't try to talk to th emother. If she's an alcoholic it won't make any difference anyway. Poor kids.

Thanks - will ask at the school after I have spoken to dd friend - did not know there was anyone at the school dealing with Welfare issues - should I ask the head?

depends on the school. when iwas teaching, if you werent in at morning registration, the school phoned to find out why. but ds's school is happy if he jsut brings in a not when he comes back. even if it is three days later. very informal thing there.
this is a tough one. instead of inviting her friend round, why dont you and your dd go round to her house after school saying she wanted to play, or could she come and play? that sort of thing? that way you would be able to assure yourself, without getting the authorities involved if they dont need to be?
at the least, get your dd to return her call. its half nine, but she is ten years old.

Yep, first point of call is the head who will point you to the teacher in charge. All the best x

You could always call the school and say you'd rather remain anonymous but please could you discuss your concerns with someone.

Blimey how hard for you. I agree with the others too. It could be more umpleasant becoming directly involved

probly the year head

Dd has spoken to her this evening - Dh said, thinking about it, each time he took the calls from her this weekend she sounded really upset - Dh put it down to dd and friend possibly having some sort of fall out but after tonights conversation about 5.30pm it sort of falls into place

I was involved in something like this - over 18m ago

Be very careful - by tell your dd she is asking for help

Even if you can't do anything directly please be as supportive as you can

Children hide things like this until they can no longer deal with it themselves

Even if all you do is ring childline - please do - they may be able to help even if you do anon

What would Childline be able to do?

Thanks

They put it together with anyother calls about these children

If there is enough info they might be able to tell someone - at the very least they can tell you what you could/should do

Thanks - will call if only for advice - will speak to friend tomorrow if she comes over for 'tea' and see if I can tactfully find out what's happening - if not happy will go to the school Wednesday - gulp

Thank you - you maybe able to help her