feel like a terrible mummy.........

[1lostmummy]

I'm starting to feel like I'm an awful mother and I don't know what I can do to change it.

DD is 2.5 and a normal toddler. She's no more naughty or difficult to handle than any of her friends, but I find myself getting more and more frustrated with her.

Telling her "no" when she does something wrong makes absolutely no difference, so I end up completely losing my temper with her....shouting far too loudly and far too much.

I've even slapped the back of her hand a couple of times in anger, and I absolutely hate myself for it.

DD isn't the problem, it's me. I just don't know what to do any more.

Toddlers are frustrating sometimes. I've had moments where I've really shouted at DS (who is also 2.5) and felt so bad. He's a sensitive soul and he cries.

I have no magic answers for you, but what helps for me is getting enough sleep and exercise. I'm very tired today and have already lost my rag. I started running again a while back. The endorphins from exercise work wonders.

If I'm really, really bad tempered I try (note I say try) to stop myself before I yell at him, make sure the room is safe and go through to another room for five minutes. Give myself a time out.

It's awful, I know. I'm having one of those days. Was up at through the night with a bad cough, DS woke me up at 9am. I've said sorry to him three times.

Are you a SAHM? Last week I was really stressed and he was being really whiny. I phoned up the creche in our town, got an hour to myself to wander around the shops with my IPod. Time apart works wonders.

Thanks for taking time to reply seaturtle...yes I am a sahm. DD does do 2 pre-school sessions a week which helps, although I have a baby too so am not able to use it as down time IYSWIM.

Not that that in any way excuses my behaviour though.

I feel constantly bad tempered and I don't even know why really. Both DC sleep through the night so tiredness isn't really an issue. I have a supportive DH. I just feel like I'm being shit for no reason but I can't help it.

I know this advice is not what you want to hear, but I found it easier when I asked myself Why it mattered that DS/DD wasn't doing something? Was it because I wanted it to be that way or was it really harmful/dangerous??
I suppose the thing is to try and pick your battles and just ignore the bad and praise the good? Is she doing it to get attention from you ??

Being a SAHM is so hard - you are always at the coalface with little or no downtime.

I put my hand up to being bad tempered and smacking (eek!) unnecessarily - but the red mist descends and when you are cleaning up mess while the room next door is being trashed, it takes every ounce of patience not to rush out the front door screaming ...

I have to admit, after vowing never to smack, I have done this! Oh the guilt...

Itsjustafleshwound has a point. Life (and my temper) got a lot easier for me when I gave up making mealtimes a daily battle.

Sometimes it just gets too much, doesn't it! DS is such a sweetie too. I sometimes have to remind myself that he IS 2, and has no concept of things that I think are important. Like cleaning up the mess at the end of the day!

Coming on here helps. I must admit today has been a bit of a mix of fun and trials, I saw your post and thought, "Thank God it's not just me...." Roll on bedtime!

I also get shouty, which is really ridiculous because my son is only 16 months and really doesn't understand.

But I do agree with itsjustafleshwound that you do need to pick your battles. One battle I've been fighting ever since he found his hands, for example, is that you don't grab people's spectacles. I wear them, my husband wears them, all his grandparents, etc. And that I do get shouty about.

But I other things I let slide. My house is most definitely a tip by the end of the day since he most certainly does not know how to clean up after himself! But I don't shout about that.

Parenting is about learning. If you do something you don't feel is quite right, look over the situation, think what you'd do differently and then learn from it. Move on and don't beat yourself up.

DC goes through 'good phases' (i.e. developmental jumps) and 'bad phases' (this is when I feel she's never listening and I am a bore/shouty mum etc. But we get through the bad phases because we both learn from them.

It's parenting, dump your guilt, the fact you are thinking about this means you must be doing some things right.

Thanks so much for the replies. It really helps to know you're not the only one!

I absolutely do get angry/upset about things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I think I just end up getting stressed when I can't do the things I need/want to do and end up taking it out on poor DD........obviously she's going to want to play with me rather than watch me fold washing or do the hoovering!

I also think I need to find something to do outside of being a mummy. I don't really have any hobbies or interests and rarely get out.

I am also guilty of being a shouty/no patience mum. My DD1 is also 2.5 and very bright. I also have a 5 month old who wakes lots in the nights and I am shattered all the time.

Can you do an evening course when kids are in bed or get other half to get them to bed on college days? Would get you out the house on your own, meeting new people and learning somthing for the fun of it!

I used to do exactly the same with my dd - she's now 5. For a while I was a single mum and used to get very stressed over things that she was really too little to understand. I'd shout and then feel so guilty but i'd still do it again the next day. The thing that helped me was deciding on a plan - I used supernanny a bit to deal with whatever it was that was bugging me. When I had a planned response, including using time out (more to give myself time than her!)I found it so much easier not to get cross and shout.

You say you have a new baby congrats :-) .. is there a possibilty that you might have a slight case of postnatal depression.. MY DS was 2.5 when I had DD and for ages I was very short with DS and got really wound up (with myself & him) a friend then suggested that I might have postnatal depression and I went to see the doct and I did!!

I think most new mums when having baby number 2 feel stressed.. dont be hard on yourself :-)