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Parenting

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Original poster

husband smokes infront of children

9 replies

broodywantcoilout · 16/10/2010 14:37

hi,
firstly i cant stand smoking when ppl do it in my face, 2nd my husband knows how much i hate it and as far as i was aware he only smoked at work (i dont let him at home). caught him once smoking in the garden, but that was when his mum was staying with us so i assumed it was her giving him one.
but today i popped home from work on my break to find him smoking infront of the kids!!!! it was in the garden but is not something i want them growing up seeing their dad doing (they're 3 and 4 years old).
am i being 2 harsh in not wanting him 2 smoke infront of the kids?
or, what can i do 2 try stop him? he's seen all the videos/pics of what it can do 2 ur lungs, the passive smoking adverts, we've 'discussed' it many times, i've tried 2 ignore him smoking, ilent treatment, no sex if he smells of fags etc.
advice please!!

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rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2010 14:40

I would hate this too but I think it's very difficult and unfair to expect another adult who is an equal parent not to do this. I assume he was a smoker when you chose to have children together so surely not a huge surprise that they'll see him smoke.

Original poster

broodywantcoilout · 16/10/2010 15:31

he was a smoker when we got together, i know he'll never quit-and doesnt want 2 either.
but
he can go a whole week off work without smoking, spend days with me and not smoke so i dont see any need 4 him 2 do this infront of the children-and if he MUST have 1, he could easily go away from them (e.g. the driveway at the front of the house) to to so

OP posts:

TheHouseofMirth · 16/10/2010 21:55

How does he feel about the prospect of your DCs smoking when they are older? Parental smoking is one of the biggest influences on whether children will grow up to become smokers. Is he OK with that?

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Original poster

broodywantcoilout · 16/10/2010 22:12

all of his family smoke, apart from his brother who had cancer when he was little. making me even more against it having seen that his mum/aunts/dad (who has quit)/some friends all smoke i can c how easily it may rub off on the kids

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MaudOHara · 16/10/2010 22:28

Afraid this would be a deal breaker for me - DH and I both smoked (albeit outside) when DS was a baby, but stopped some time ago.

I didn't want the DC to breathe in smoke, let alone see us smoking.

If he must do it then he must at least do it out of sight / smell of the DC

kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/10/2010 06:16

I smoke in front of DD. Kill me.
I don't smoke in the car with her or in the house. All my chuffing is done in the garden.
OP, i really think you are over reacting to this, but, that's just my POV.

ghoulishglendawhingesagain · 17/10/2010 06:44

I'm with Kreecher I'm afraid. Me and DH both smoke, but outside only, never in the house or car with them.

If I am out of their sight, they are out of my sight - I have to stay in view so I can watch them through the window. It is not ideal, I don't want them to think it is a good or normal thing to do, but they are not exposed to the smoke so it's the best compromise IMHO.

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 17/10/2010 06:57

"as far as i was aware he only smoked at work (i dont let him at home)"

that would bother me much much more than him smoking in front of the children. You imposing your will on him, which clearly he does not want. And him lying to you about him smoking so that you do not tell him off. Stop treating him like another child, let him make rational adult decisions about his life, discuss it with him like an adult and if then after that you are not happy with his choices, make whatever decision you wish.

maud a 'dealbreaker'? what do you mean by that? would you leave your partner if he smoked in front of the children? If not, what does that mean? I am pretty certain that there are more serious crimes a father could commit that would warrant leaving him for?

It might not be a pleasant thing to do, but it is legal. Even In Front Of Your Children.

sheepgowooohooo · 17/10/2010 10:52

I'm with kreecher on this one I'm afraid. Dp smokes in front of our kids but never in the house.

I just think if you make smoking secret then its going to seem even more alluring to kids.

My dad died of lung cancer 3 years ago and mychildren are under no illusion about how harmful smoking is. My eldest two hate dp smoking and tell him frequently. At the end of the day its is choice to smoke and nothing I can do or say will make him give up.

The only thing that made my mum give up was seeing what my dad went through.

No amount of treating your dp like a child will make him give up tbh and he will continue to lie about it if you do

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