Really finding parenting hard

[mumsgotatum]

hello, I wondered if anyone can understand what I'm going through right now. Everyone says, enjoy your children while they're little...I have 1 DS 3.3 yrs and 1 DD 3 months. but whilst I have moments of feeling incredibly grateful and happy, most of the time I feel perma-stressed. Motherhood doesn't seem to come natural to me and I just feel angry with poor little DS most of the time, he's being a fairly typical 3 yr old I guess.
So I am angry, shouty, stressed and not feeling too happy TBH. It could be that I have a touch of the blues and we are all in a small flat (but moving soon). Basically I feel like a crap mum, guilty quite a lot (for being horrible), I'm a bit clueless on the whole disciplining thing, can't get my head around techniques when I feel tired being up with the little one all night.
Is this normal...am I normal? I just wish I could enjoy it all a bit more

Poor you. I think a lot of people have these feelings with the second. It is tiring.We all feel like bad mums on days.

I just read a book recently which I am hoping will help me with my emerging toddler

The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. Lots of practical advice on how to handle 1-4yr olds.I recommend it.

If you feel blue get to the doc and get some meds to get you through. As long as you do not lash out at your children and are caring and making them safe, you are doing a good job. I know so many people with 3 year olds who find it a struggle.You are not alone- try to chat to other mums at playdates once dd2 is bigger. It is going to get easier but seek the help to make it that way more quickly.

Hey remember that your littlest one is just three months! That's around the very earliest time most first time mothers see a bit of light at the end of the newborn tunnel, and on top of that you have a toddler to deal with!! Give yourself a break.

I found for a long time (mine are now 4 and 1.5) in fact probably only until very recently, that I could deal with either of them (fairly and nicely) individually, but together they just floored me. I was told by good friends that two=three times the work and it does seem to be true! But also that when the little one gets to two years old it's much more of a doddle.

You will get there, but find some ways to cut corners for yourself that don't affect the kids, eg. bath them every other night if you currently do every night. Freeze a load of meals if you make them yourself. Find a babysitter and the time to go out (even if you're knackered and don't want to) so you feel fresher when you get back home again...

And come on MN for a moan!

It's hard when you are at a certain stage with the older one that needs your full attention but you're too tired to give it. Time out/naughty step does work if you stick with it. Loads of threads on here about reward charts/incentives too.

Most importantly, eat properly yourself and drink lots of water to combat the tiredness, maybe take some vitamin c and omega 3 fish oils (great for stress). I use a brand called Higher Nature and I honestly feel my mood is lighter and my temper easier to hold when I take them. In fact I took them as my alternative to the anti-depressants the doctor offered me after my son's birth and they really helped.

I'll stop waffling now but take care, and be kind to yourself, it's a bloody hard job.

Thank you thank you thank you. How very kind of you.....it's good to know that people understand what I'm going through, makes me feel not quite so alone. Or mad...or crazy

I only have one DS who is now 8 (am older Mum) and I have always said it is the most difficult job I have ever had.

Well, if it's any consolation, I fair hated it when I had a baby and a 2 yr old. I went a bit nuts, to tell the truth. I was so tired, so ratty, so lonely at times.

So I think you sound normal enough.

The main thing that helped me cope was getting out and and being with other adults which usually meant going to a toddler group or some other toddler activity every day I was with the kids.

Eventually it gets better. Do I look back fondly on life with a toddler and baby? No. It was hellish at times.

ah bless you - sorry excuse the abbrev version - the first one got lost in the ether!!

I am Mummy to 6 month old DS2 and 2 1/2 year old DS1. TBH first 3-4 mths were just a case of 'coping', then, altho I am the MOST unorganised person in the world I realised a little bit of org would not be a bad thing.

Altho, friends of mine who were a few years on with their DS or DD sagely advised that as long as you give no.2 love, attention (when you can), clean nappies and milk, then they will love you (as they are programmed to do).

Best thing to do... get DS involved as much as poss - it helps you (please can you pass Mummy the packet of wipes/that bib/that fave toy?) and it makes DS realise he is invaluable, cos he does a fab job then he gets kisses/cuddles... Best of luck - it does get better... x

You sound like me.
I have a DD at 2.5 years who is intelligent and high energy, and a DD 5 month old and gosh is it tough.
I dont have any family near by and my husband works long hours 7 days a week.
I feel trapped and I just want to leave at times and never come back.
I love my children and family but I feel like Im going out of my mind at times.

My HV recommend a parenting course to me run by Sure Start which I have been attendig for 5 weeks and we are seeing improvments. They teach play and discpline techniques, which have been great.

You are not a bad person or mum, just human.

Is your eldest in pre-school? Mine is for 2 afternoons a week. Really helps.

Don't be too hard on yourself OP.
The summer when my DD was nearly 3 and my DS was 2-3 months old was THE HARDEST time of my life, by a mile.

I got through it and survived until DD started nursery just after her 3rd birthday. Things got a lot better after then, although DD still pushes my buttons and I am more short-tempered than I would like. I dream of being a serene parent!!!!

Look into what M&T groups/playgroups there are near you. Time-out will give you perspective. Be 'selfish' and make sure you have plenty of 'you time' on the weekends - even if its just popping out for half and hour here and there.

You could be me. I have a 3.5 and 11monther and I am a tired grumpy shouty no-sex-til-they-go-to-university bag-lady with no social life. Catering laundry and playing is my world. Oh yes, and am due to go back to work as well so no pressure then!
I love my family so much, and I thank God for them every day, but a month in the Caribbean would be very welcome.
Give yourself a break, mumsgotatum. You are very very normal, and life will get calmer.

NORMAL

have 3.5 yr old and 10 month old and only sewing my lips together would stop me from shouting and being a witch from hell at times.

I keep thinking im scewing my DS up with my non consistant parenting. Everyday I try different techniques, fail then revert to shouting!

My DD is fab now but the first 4 months were hell. It does get better though, much better.

It is COMPLETELY NORMAL!

I have dd 8yrs, ds 3 yrs and dd 11mths. dd and ds have a disability (genetic problem).

Iam also a single parent and im exhausted every minute of every day.it is so hard juggling everything but at the end of each day i try to remind myself that they have all gone to bed fed and warm knowing they are loved and thats all that matters.

My house is a bit of a tip and i usually look an absolute state-sometimes i dont even get to brush my hair before i leave the house and always feel a bit scruffy next to the other mums at school.sometimes i get really down about it as life just seems to be one long round of cooking cleaning, washing and endless hospital appts but it makes it all worthwhile to see their lovely little faces every morning and when we manage to have some 'quality time' even if it is just all of us cosied up in my bed reading stories!!