DD starting Pre-School - Advice please

[SantaLucia]

Hi, My DD is 3 this week and starts Pre-School on Monday. I'm a SAHM so its her first experience of being in a nursery other than playgroups, classes etc (all with mums).

She likes playing with her friends that she knows but she is very shy around other children. I'm hoping this will change a bit once she is used to the group environment.

She will be in 5 mornings a week.

Any tips about making the transition easier would be gratefully received.

Thanks

I was in your boat in January this year, having been home with my daughter since birth. My daughter is also sociable but shy around new children so I was worried like you are.

But I am happy to say that it has been a fantastic experience for her and for me since day one. The key for us was that we prepared her for it well - we talked about it at home with her (what she would do when she got to school - playing, crafts, stories, building, etc., and that there would be other children to play with, and grown ups to play and look after her.)

Right from the first time I talked to her about preschool I made sure she understood that she was going to have fun, be with other grown ups but that I would not stay with her. I told her that I would drop her off and say a big goodbye, then come back at lunchtime to take her home again. I kept reiterating the come and collect you thing, as this seemed to be her main concern.

I found some books at the library about going to school which helped (Usborne have a good one), and also role played with her about what would happen when we got to school and how we would say goodbye. Then again how we would say hello when I came to get her. We also drive past the school a few times and pointed it out so that she was familiar, and found out the main teachers names so that she could learn them before time and they wouldn't feel like complete strangers.

I did what the teachers recommended - drop her off and say a good goodbye then leave straight away. Don't look back and show that you are worried or upset. She has been fine every day since, even at her new school that she started a few weeks back since we moved areas.

For you I would recommend keeping busy while she is at school and make the most of the free time. It will make you feel better about leaving her. Within a week or her starting I didn't know how I managed without that free time!! In my experience it has been fabulous for my daughter in building her confidence and social skills, trying new things. And it has given me some much needed time for myself.

Good luck!

Try and feel very confident in yourself about sending her.

Of course you may feel anxious and upset, but don't show her. Not sure what the settling procedures will be, but try and follow the advice of the staff - they will have seen it all before. A firm hug, a kiss and a non-ditthery goodbye are helpful.

She needs to get the message that you feel confident that she will have fun, and that she can cope with feeling a bit upset when you go, and that the staff there are there to help her.

If she is upset when you leave (she may well not be, or she may be fine for the first week and then get upset the following week), then identify a member of staff you can hand her to - experienced staff will know to distract her - ask her to help them, for instance, or get her engaged in something, or just give her a cuddle.

When you leave, don't hang round. Ring them later to check she has settled. Or they may ring you.

Overall - it is a big step but you will both get a lot out of it. My DS1 was also shy and unsure about other children, but he thrived at Playgroup

One thing I used to do with both y DSs was to draw something on their hand - a smiley face or a flower

I love that idea JamieLeeCurtis - so sweet and I can imagine it gives the child comfort when they think of Mummy at school :)

Someone posted on here once that they filled their DC's pockets with kisses which I think is lovely and I do now sometimes when mine is feeling a bit unsure of himself

Great, reassuring advice. Thank you!

I have been doing lots of groundwork in the last few months, talking about it, learning the ladies names, emphasising the things we will do at home after I pick her up. Glad this worked for somebody!

Lovely idea re: the drawing.

The big advantage is that I am really excited about it for myself. I don't think I could entertain her all winter anymore and I'm so ready to start having time to myself.

Thanks again and fingers crossed!

Don't know if it was me who posted about pockets full of kisses but I do that, too. DD loves it and insists on giving me some to take home with me in case I feel lonely.

I found that the most important thing was to get DD doing something asap when we arrived. She would say goodbye really happily if she was thinking about cutting and sticking or whatever but look a bit sad if not engaged with something. Also, make sure you talk to her and find out who she really likes out of the teachers as then you'll know who is a good person to leave her with. I found DD developed preferences almost straight away.

If she was having a real wobble, I sometimes used to put something in her pocket that she could take out and remember that I'm always there and coming back soon even when she can't see me. Sometimes just a little piece of paper with a picture I'd drawn of her and me or similar. Anything from home would have had the same effect, I think. Once it was a stamp.

You sound really prepared and like a lovely Mum Santa Lucia. Enjoy your time, you deserve it!

Have a routine that you always do when you drop off/pick up (Something easy that somebody else could do)

e.g. I always say to my little girl "I love you so much, I'll miss you so much" then when I pick her up "I love you so much, I missed you so much". She is really comforted by that. Another MNer said she said to her daughter "Mummy always comes back".

Also tell her you are doing something boring (hoovering, washing up); and get her excited about what she might do at preschool that she loves (for my little girl if I mention painting she is really excited!)

Hope it all goes smoothly and she settles in quickly. 6 weeks in we're fine and she loves going, talks about what she does and who she'll see.

Horton - I think it was probably you and I love you for it :)

My DS really likes it (and his nursery staff think it's fab so I get lovely mummy points :o)

Aw, that's really nice of you to say so, LadyBiscuit. I think I got mummy points for it, too, which is always a bonus!

You are very welcome Horton - I think it's a lovely idea and that we should all do it