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Parenting

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Original poster

"He's too young to make that decision!"

19 replies

emkana · 11/09/2005 10:48

A friend's ds, who turned four last month, has been doing karate twice a week for a few months. He is now saying that he doesn't want to go anymore. My friend's dh is very keen for his son to carry on, and says that at four the ds is too young to decide, that he has to be eight or nine to decide for himself. I think that's a bit harsh, and my friend is not sure. What do you think?

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auntymandy · 11/09/2005 10:51

if he doesnt want to go I dont think I would send him. he might want to give it a go when he is a bit bigger!

stitch · 11/09/2005 10:54

there is no black and white. we would not accept this when it comes to school, so why with an extracurricular activity. your friend and her h need to find out what it is about karate he doesnt like. could be something simple like he doesnt like some child at the place.

LIZS · 11/09/2005 10:55

I don't see he point of forcing him to go at this age. It is more stressful for the parent when the child kicks off than the child. I abandoned dd's ballet lessons when she was 3 because she refused to take part unless I sat in the room (not permitted after her taster session) and thought that she has plenty of time to choose to take it up again. However if she has, for example, paid for a particular period of time in advance I'd try to negotiate that he at least completes the course and in an older child who had initiated the activity I'd defintitely expect them to finish the term .

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magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 11:19

We had this with our twins. Jade is 10 and goes kickboxing every week. Her twin sisters are 6 and after 2 months decided they didn't really enjoy it so stopped going. They decided thi sbefore I had paid out for membership and kits etc...

They also tried gymnastics and stopped after 1 month.

I have no problem with this and unless serious money has been paid it's not worth forcing them to go!!

They are starting ballet and tap next week and I wont buy the expensive stuff till they have been goign for a while to make sure they like it

saffy202 · 11/09/2005 11:32

Think it depends on the activity - DS2 started swimming lessons and didn't want to go back. I told him tht it was similar to school and he had to go. There was no choice. Only because I think it is important to be able to swim and it's much easier to learn when he is young and the children in the class are all the same age. Now he loves it and refuses to miss a lesson.

DS1 did karate for a while but wanted to give up - but he was about 8 when he made that decision and he was then doing football and didn't have time to do both.

4 is still young to be learning karate and I think it is a sport that can be picked up when he is older if he so chooses.

edam · 11/09/2005 11:36

Why force him? It's not like school, he doesn't have to go! If the father forces it, the child will probably end up hating karate anyway so dad will lose out in the long run. Sounds a bit competitive dad to me.

fqueenzebra · 11/09/2005 21:43

Too harsh.

Fio2 · 11/09/2005 21:44

crikey please tell me how you 8force * them my nearly four yr old just refuses and i have no idea how to get him to do anything he doesnt want to do

SoupDragon · 11/09/2005 22:04

Very harsh. It's not exactly a lifesaving skill is it?? Let him stop.

colditz · 11/09/2005 22:17

don't they hit each other in Karate? that is probably why he doesn't like it, only a particular type of person likes to stand and be hit.

Lonelymum · 11/09/2005 22:18

No Colditz, karate is a non contact sport (my two oldest ds's did it for a year!)

edam · 11/09/2005 22:23

I don't get the 'too young to make that decision' line either. Tiny babies make their likes and dislikes pretty obvious, why isn't a four year old allowed to decide what he wants or doesn't want to do? Dad's a bully, IMO.

nooka · 11/09/2005 22:54

It may be that they feel he hasn't given it enough of a go? I had this discussion the other day when sitting outside my dd's gym class. One of the other mums said her ds often got bored with things and would ask to stop, but with a bit of encouragement would keep going and then start to enjoy himself. For parents who want their children to do competitive sports then there is always an element of parental discipline I think. Not at all sure that this is a good thing, but this may be where they are coming from. Twice a week at four seems a little excessive to me. Although I have been recomended karate for ds as a good way to help with his balance and discipline (he is 6 however!)

edam · 11/09/2005 23:00

ah well you see I come from the 'hated sport at school' camp. No idea why someone would want to do it outside school!

Seriously, if you've got a sporty kid who enjoys something like karate, then I can see the point - but if you've taken your child along, they've given it a go and they don't like it, why persist? With a four year old? One of the reasons I ended up hating sport was that the people who taught it always seemed to be bullies. And I think some of the parents of the sporty kids were bullies too - forcing the kids to train and so on.

Mind you, when I see my local cricket team I often have a day dream about mini-babybel turning out for them one day...

nooka · 11/09/2005 23:03

What I hated about the teachers is that they required you to "enjoy" it. I was terrible - what was there to enjoy? Sadistic lot...

edam · 11/09/2005 23:07

Well, quite. I shall never know whether I might have been able to hurdle because a. couldn't care less and b. the teacher didn't actually explain how to do it, just set the hurdles up and told us to run!

Aero · 11/09/2005 23:22

Ds1 does karate and loves it, but I knew he would - it's a very disciplined sport and requires a lot of stamina, which suits him down to the ground. Dd on the other hand would hate this sport! I see no point whatsoever in making a child participate in something which is making them feel miserable un-necessarily, especially at the age of four - that's very young to be doing karate twice a week. I do think it's harsh to force him to go if he really hates it. At the same time, I think it's important to engage your child in some activity which they enjoy which is good for them. This is why dd does ballet which for now she loves. This may change as it becomes more disciplined, but for now, she's enjoying it and it's doing her good. If she stopped enjoying it, I'd try to find out why and try to encourage her to keep going for a while to see if things changed, but I'd by no means force her to go if she was still hating it after a few more classes - she's five.

Caligula · 11/09/2005 23:28

He's too young to be forced to go imo.

He's much more likely to want to take it up again in a couple of years, if he's been allowed to drop it now. If it becomes something he detests, then he'll never get anything out of it.

steffee · 11/09/2005 23:51

I started karate when I was young, not 4, about 7 or 8 and went for a few weeks and got bored. I changed my mind a couple of years later but didn't want to go back to the same place, so did kickboxing instead, which I loved and continued until I got pregnant with ds1. I would love to go back but I'm too fat

I would like my 4 year old to go to karate or something as I think it's good for young children, my cousin is 6 and has been doing it since the age of 3 and whilst at first she hated it, she now loves it now she's got a couple of belts.

Also, would stress it would always have to be non-contact. I don't see the point of getting battered but love the fitness, all the bowing etc and think it's fantastic for children.

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