Not sure if this is best place to post so sorry if wrong.
To try and cut a long story short me and my ex split almost 3 years ago when dd was almost 2. Apart from a few teething problems we have always got on fairly amicably (we're even going to parents eve together next week!) I have since got married and dd lives with me and dh whilst ex has her every other weekend which works out fine.
The problem is his Mum. Last year some problems cropped up just before i was due to get married regarding exs sister, his mum and a friend of mine. DD is fairly close to my friend and I had reason to believe that my exs mum and his sister were bad mouthing my friend in front of dd which i was obviously concerned about. I tried several times (8 in total) to talk to his mum about it only to be met with refusal that she wouldn't talk to me as she didn't think it was necessary. This really upset me as I felt i couldn't express my concerns and I was made to feel like my point wasn't valid. She's a very hard woman and very opinionated but within the 10 years of knowing her I had always got on ok with her. So I took everything to heart then got upset about it and said she couldn't see dd (she had been seeing dd for a few hours on a tues pm) until she would talk to me and get it sorted out. In hindsight I knew it was wrong to say this but when your upset you do stupid things!
I tried to talk to my ex as well but was met with the same answer - he didn't want to discuss it.
Next thing I know I get 2 solicitor letters throught the post on the same day, one from ex and one from his mum claiming i had stopped all contact with dd from happening and if i didn't resume then I would be taken to court. It even said in his mums letter that the reason she wouldn't talk to me was out of fear that i would be abusive about her and her family! I've never been abusive about anyone in my life - in fact sometimes i wish i wasn't such a doormat! I was devastated by the letters and sought help from a solicitor who thought his family was being completley unreasonable by refusing to talk to me. She advised me to just write my own letter stating that I wasn't stopping contact which I did. I felt like i was just being bullied so they could get there own way without actually communicating with me.
Anyway that was over a year ago and the tues arrangement has always carried on with his mum picking dd up and my ex seeing her for an hour within this time. My ex still has dd every other weekend and he always without fail will take her to his mums house at some point during that time. Understandbly my relationship with his mum is now hard as I feel let down and angry by how i was treated but i still get on well with my ex.
My problem is that my dd has now started school and she's finding the tues arrangement hard as she's tired and is not enjoying going round his mums for tea every tues - in fact she's outright refused to go on a couple of occasions. She say's she just wants to have tea at home. Which is fine for me but his mum is still insistent she sees her every tues - i try and encourage her as she will see her dad but i think she's just fed up with it now.
What do i do? Do i say she can stay at home and risk the wrath of his mum or give in to my dd wishes?
Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks.