im really struggling...

[PipIsOutNow]

hi i have a 13 week old baby boy who wont stop screaming...its not tears more like shouting but im here on my own with him every evening as my partner works nights, i also have him on my own throughout the day because my partner is in bed then. i thought i was managing but the past few days iv been really struggling and i actually shouted at my baby to shut up this morning. i feel like im losing it and dont know what to do. i go to baby club and baby massage. that takes 2.5 hours out of the week. the rest is just stuck in the house trying to keep him quiet in the day and trying to comfort him in the evenings. not sure what im after really, just some words of reassurance as im feeling pretty low today xxx

It will get better honest.

Does your partner give you a break when they are not working?

Have you tried a sling to carry him around?

Lots of walks in the pram can help.

Do you have a friend or relative that could give you a break for a couple of hours?

yeah it does get better. are there any other baby groups in the area you could go to?
how about breastfeeding cafes (if yuou're breastfeedinf)- i've met some lovely people at ours
go for walks, that often calms them too
just go into town for a coffee and a bun!

defintiely for me getting out and about helps a lot, just the change of scenery, the fact the pushchair seems to soothe them, having a cuppa

friends or relatives nearby who could help out?

Hi,
I've been thru the same situation before. I would recommend this book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp.
If you don't have time to get the book, you can watch it online, just google "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and you might find it on youtube.
Here is the website: www.happiestbaby.com/book-dvd-excerpts/the-happiest-baby-book/
Good Luck!

my partner does help out, he doesnt work sat or sun nights but needs to sleep sunday night as he's back in work monday night...and it takes him ages to wake up when ds is crying so im wide awake anyway when he does the feed on a saturday. i live by his family but none of them offer to take him off my hands for a bit and im not asking them.

tiy i dont breastfeed no, i couldnt. iv just had a nightmare to be honest. he was born via emergency section, then wouldnt take to breastfeeding my milk didnt cmoe in til day 5. i just feel like a complete failure, even my body has failed me!!

sorry to be such a moany cow!! just reached my limit today i think, and didnt have a great nights sleep.

Why is he crying? Do you think he's in pain? Does he cry after a feed, during?

I used to go on an hour's drive as cars seem to soothe too. I used to look forward to Woman's Hour in the car as "me time".

aww you haven't failed anyone! you have a lovely baby, and you're trying to do the best you cna.
if you were a failure you wouldn't be on here asking for advice woudl you.

so we can scrap bf cafe as an option lol, but the others are still good.
have you aked the HV if there is anything else in the area you could go to? they normally know about stuff going on

why can't you ask your partners family for help? sometimes people don't like to offer in case they come across as interfering, so if you need help you shouldn't worry about asking!

posie no he doesnt sound in pain, his cry sounds more like a shouting tantrum!! cries whenever he's put down...he gets his wind up fine too and bm are regular.

I can't think that he'd be angry at this age so must be something else. Tired? Does he feed well? Only some babies have something called reflux, arched back after a feed, won't be put down....etc. Do you have a swing? OInly it might be that he doesn't like lying flat.

yeh he has a swing...he wont stay in it...he takes 4-5oz 3-4 hours. tiredness does make it worse but he's always really grumbly...apart from first thing in the morning when he's all smiles. thing is he does have naps in the day. could he be doing it just for attention? iv held him a lot because iv been on my own with him, do u think its because he'd rather be on my lap...

Ah....no not attention! I believe that babies only have needs until they're at least seven months! But cuddles, food, sleep, milk are their basic needs. I held all of my babies a lot, in spite of frequent advice from parents saying 'rod for your own back' and all that nonsense.

Babies are hard work. If he's bottle fed have your tried a dummy? My first two loved their dummies, my second two bf a lot longer and used me .

thats what my partner keeps telling me, that iv built a rod for my own back by holding him all the time!! he has a dummy, he hasnt had it from birth but has had it a few weeks now. he does use it but he's not all that fussed if im honest. think im just having a bad day!!

I second the sling.

Getting out of the house everyday is really important, get in touch with your HV to find local groups....even if all the mothers are a PITA it's something to do!! Walks, museums anything.

Give up on the housework and have mini goals.

Never worry about cuddling your baby, you can't do it too much, if you relax and give in to him it might make it easier. He may sense that you are anxious and can't wait to put him down...they know you know. I remember one of mine going loopy when I sat down with him as he preferred to be cuddled the way that killed my back, I would barely alter position but he would cry as soon as my knees bent!

It won't last forever but fresh air does everyone good!! Also set up mini me dates for yourself. Maybe one night could be a long bath, another eye brows and a facial, another read a book.....and take care of yourself, put yourself first sometimes if your dp isn't forthcoming on that score. Also see if he could take him out for a walk/bath him to give you a break.

(I had four sections, your body didn't fail you...you have a tiny little miracle that you gave life to, I'd say your body was quite a success!!)

thanks posie that cheered me up xx

Where are you? Because MNers are notoriously nosey helpful and love a cup of tea.

south wales

Hi Pip. Everytime you think you're a failure, remind yourself that you have done an amazing thing in bringing your wonderful boy into the world.

I wonder if, like my little one, your son wants to be close to you. A wrap works wonders for me as she will sleep for hours in it and I have both hands free. I use the Hoppediz woven wrap and the sleepywrap. The woven is less stretchy and she feels very secure in it.

One thing I have found since having my dd is that people will make unhelpful comments about spoiling and making rods for backs but you must do what feels right for you and baby. At this age they do not manipulate so will be crying for a reason.

You're doing a great job xx

Pip, I am in Bristol.....not too far?

I second the idea that you know best, be bloody minded about it too!!

t