I am rubbish at this parenting lark

[elportodelgato]

OK, I am probably not totally rubbish but all my worst tendencies are coming out at the moment, can someone help me to manage it a bit better?

So I am about 28wks pg and also working fulltime with a long commute 5 days a week so am permanently knackered and running to catch up with myself. DH is wonderful and does 50% of the nursery run, household jobs etc, but I am still constantly busy and exhausted. I have to get up at 6am most days, go to bed about 11pm, it's just not enough sleep. I've just developed a grim varicose vein 'down there' which hurts like buggery all the bloody time and I assume will only get worse as I get bigger. If I try to run around doing too much my bump really really hurts and I just have to sit or lie down until I feel better, I HATE it. I feel like I am being poisoned by my hormones as well, get very angry with DH over little things. I know he loves me and cares for me but sometimes I feel like I am doing everything and if he really cared he would do more for me.

Anyway, coming to the point, the consequence is that poor DD (2.4) is not getting a very nice mummy and I feel like I am being so inconsistent with her, she must be v confused. This morning she refused to put her shoes on and I really really yelled at her, completely lost it - she looked at me so puzzled and sad. Finally I just strapped her in her buggy just so she was not running around and then sat on the stairs trying to breathe so I could get out of the house to nursery. At the weekend I was so tired I just sat down and cried for 10 mins in front of her - I do this at least 2-3 times a week. The worst of it is that she comes to comfort me , puts her arm around me and rubs my back like I do with her when she is sad and says 'it's OK mummy' which breaks my heart and makes me cry even more. Poor little thing having to comfort her weepy hormonal messy mummy who can't bloody cope with anything any more. How do I keep my temper and stop crying / shouting at her? I feel so on edge and like I will cry / shout at any moment, it's almost like it's out of my control. I know I need to take responsibility but I am so tired and feel so put upon there's a part of me things 'dammit I have a RIGHT to shout and cry, no one bloody cares about me anyway'

Will this all stop once I am no longer pregnant? I am actually dreading coping with 2 kids as I had PND last time around and I can feel that looming sense of panic and despair and being trapped. This is a real senseless rant - has anyone else felt like this? will it be OK?

First of all, go to bed earlier, if 11 - 6 is not enough and you know this. Whatever it is that keeps you up so late can wait.

the first thing you need to do is get more sleep. Why are you staying up until 11? When I was pg with DD2 I was often going to bed at 7 with DD1!

you're both right of course, I need more sleep! DD goes to bed about 7.30ish, then I make dinner for me and DH, eat dinner, tidy up, do a load of laundry most nights, washing up etc, by the time all that's been done it's about 9.30pm. DH tends to continue working into the evenings so often he doesn't get to bed til about 11.30 and tbh I find it very difficult to get off to sleep if I know he is going to come in later and disturb me (which he always does - partly him being clumsy, partly me being a light sleeper)

Perhaps we could try a few nights a week when he goes to the spare room so I get at least 2 guaranteed good nights?

You work fulltime, so why is your DH not doing at least 50% of the making dinner/tidying up/laundry/washing up in the evenings? Then you'd be able to go to bed after eating.

I eat with the children now as I need to get to bed early (only 9wks but exhausted) and am a complete bear without enough sleep. So yes to sending him to the spare room and get more help inthe evening so you can go to bed earlier more often too.

Are you really sure your dh couldn't help out more? Could you compromise on the evening dinner - say have soup and nice bread a couple days for example (we do this similar reasons)?